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Original poster

DH making me cry

60 replies

Unsureconfused · 07/11/2019 23:26

Hello,
I just wanted to come on here to get this out in the open. DH as always been quite abrupt and abrasive in his manner, sometimes shouty towards me. Dogmatic and opinionated. Today we took one our cars to the garage as there was an issue with it and while we were there I was trying to explain something to the mechanic and DH says loudly "Shut up a minute, I'll tell him" and I could feel my face getting hot through embarrassment. Again I tried to speak and he shouted me down in front of the mechanic. I could feel the tears welling up so I walked away and left him to deal with the car etc.
The mechanic noticed early on that there were also issues with the tyres and we'd need one replacing soon (tread getting low, puncture in it). So this evening I said to DH that I'll take the car to get a new tyre in the morning and he literally started shouting and effing and blinding saying that I'm stupid and never listen and the mechanic didn't say it needed a new tyre at all. (I heard him actually say this myself). He said I should listen to him and sod the mechanic. Now I'm in floods of tears and shaky. I suffer from anxiety and really low self esteem which is probably magnifying this but I'm sick of being spoken to like this.
Don't get me wrong, he's not always like this. Can be very loving, excellent father, helpful and caring. At times quite nasty and abrupt to me. Even in public he will just shout at me and if I say "shhh, you're embarrassing me" he will get louder.
Sorry if this is jumbled, I'm a bit upset

OP posts:

lookatthebabypenguin · 15/11/2019 22:52

never swears in front of the kids but sometimes does speak to me disrespectfully and a bit sharply.

He's a shit father who's teaching his children this is a normal way to be treated and almost definitely leaving them in a perpetual state of fear and anxiety. They will grow up without a model for healthy relationships.

Stop describing him as an excellent father. It is not true.

Teaandcrisps · 15/11/2019 22:53

The question is what what r u going to do about it. Its upsetting you, hes given you anxiety, you've put up with it for 15yrs. What's next? Another 15 or you going to disrupt the situation? Sorry to sound harsh OP but you need to think about what YOU want out of life and he doesn't sound like hes going to listen or change...

FelixFelicis6 · 15/11/2019 22:58

He doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t care, he wants what he wants and doesn’t give a shit how it affects you - or only appears to when it benefits him in some way. It’s hard to hear but it’s true. Life is too short to live like this. My mum did, and she’s in her 60s and still is...she’s like a shadow. It’s so sad and did so much damage to us as children.

Branleuse · 15/11/2019 23:01

Hes a proper cunt to you isnt he. Blimey. I bet the mechanic thought so too

longwayoff · 16/11/2019 07:26

Don't live with this OP, you will feel worse and worse and he will blame you for every fault he can find. He's not a good father if he behaves in this way to you, they will eventually do the same. Get some proper advice. Soon.

Techway · 16/11/2019 07:35

Is shouting back at him, or taking any of the other DIY advice likely to be more successful than an impartial counseling service?

I would never suggest shouting back but asserting boundaries is recommended.

Also Op, could you try to stand back and Observe rather than absorb his behaviour?
It is a technique recommended as it helps with detaching. When I started to do this I realised what an angry man my Ex was.
When he is in a rant, breathe deeply and look at his body language, facial expressions and acknowledge to yourself that his reactions are symptoms of his emotional issues...not caused by you.

horrayforharoldlloyd · 16/11/2019 07:44

It would be really useful to you if you could record him doing this.

Banana770 · 16/11/2019 08:19

I used to have a partner like this. I still remember him shouting at me in a street because a car pulled up and asked for directions and I helped give them some. Apparently I spoke over him. The neighbours, my work colleagues and my friends were all delighted when I left him... don’t put up with it!!

FadingStar · 16/11/2019 08:34

OP I'm not sure if you are still reading. All those times he is nice to you are part of the cycle of abuse. Abusers are nice to keep you where they can see you so that they can be abusive. The nice parts are as much part of the abuse as the cruelty. They are designed to keep you there and being abused.

Don't accept this. Any man who mentally and emotionally torments you this way is someone you don't need in your life. Demand better for yourself.

SimonJT · 16/11/2019 09:34

Lots of being can be a bit snappy at times, but most people either remove themselves from the situation or apologise (and actually mean it).

Your partner is purposely humiliating you in front of yours. He is not snapping, he is not annoyed. He is in full control.

My partner makes me cry all the time, he isn’t an arse or a bully, everything just makes me cry. He has never done anything bad/wrong to make me cry. If he did it would be over.

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