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Original poster

I’m so scared I might have been outed!!!

31 replies

FullOfFear · 07/11/2019 08:06

I posted a couple of threads in the last few weeks under a different username. I’ve been struggling with my mental health and basically I revealed some things I’ve done in the past on the threads because I’m struggling to come to terms with them. I was literally at breaking point (and still sort of am). In a moment of clarity, I realised that there are a number of people who would be able to identify me based on my threads if they read them. And if they did read them, they would then have information that could ruin my marriage. I contacted MNHQ who deleted these threads but the one that exposed me the most had been active for around a week.

I’m so scared and stressed now incase this handful of people could be mumsnetters and could have seen my threads 😩

I had around 100 posts on each thread. Am I panicking unnecessarily do you think? I know no one can tell me for sure but I’m just so worried at the moment.

OP posts:
FlibbertyGiblets · 07/11/2019 08:15

You are panicking unnecessarily. If anything arises in future you merely deny. After all, you didn't disclose names, birthdates, home address, car model etc, so how would anyone be sure it was you.

I hope you're reassured.

AmIThough · 07/11/2019 08:18

Don't worry. They could guess but they wouldn't definitely know and there's no longer a record of the threads anyway so have no proof.

I hope things start looking up for you soon!

Smelborp · 07/11/2019 08:21

I recognise the huge chain of ‘what if...?’ statements from when I’m suffering with anxiety. Don’t worry. This is the anxiety talking.

Original poster
FullOfFear · 07/11/2019 08:21

Thanks both.

I’m just worried because my set of circumstances is very unique and I have opened up to a few people about these circumstances but didn’t tell them the thing that would ruin my marriage. If they read the threads, the set of circumstances is identical.

I’m so annoyed at myself. I feel like my judgement is just so off at the moment. I should have known better. My head is just a bit of a mess right now and I seem to just keep making choices that I’m regretting a few days later Sad

OP posts:
Froggledoggleoggle · 07/11/2019 08:25

Please please don't worry about this, it's a very low chance they will read and connect the dots, and if they do, deny it, admit its very familiar if they press, but not you.

AmIThough · 07/11/2019 08:29

I think if you trusted them enough to confide in you really don't need to worry about them outing you.

Especially when they probably didn't even see the threads and even if they did probably couldn't identify you.

Original poster
FullOfFear · 07/11/2019 08:43

I think if you trusted them enough to confide in you really don't need to worry about them outing you

It’s not that I really trust them, in fact I don’t think I really do trust a couple of them. The things I have told them wouldn’t really cause me any upset if they told other people, but the other thing in my threads is something I have never told a single person as it 100% would cause a lot of destruction in my life if it got out.

OP posts:
AmIThough · 07/11/2019 08:52

Honestly there are 100s of threads on here every day. The chance they saw it is so tiny that you really, really don't need to worry.

And as I said before, the threads are gone now. They have no proof.

KnifeAngel · 07/11/2019 08:59

It sounds like you need to tell your DH something. A relationship needs to be based on trust.

Original poster
FullOfFear · 07/11/2019 09:12

KnifeAngel I understand what you’re saying but you don’t know the situation. For what it’s worth, your advice is the opposite of what everyone on the thread advised, and they had all the facts.

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 07/11/2019 09:21

This is the anxiety talking op, and my heart goes out to you because I know what it’s likeFlowers.

I rarely suffer from it now because I’ve been taught to ground myself, which just means being able to feel what’s going on in my body, not just being caught in my mind.
The things that have helped me are Donna Eden on YouTube, guided breath meditation, and a thing called TRE which you can access on the internet, but I went to a local practitioner as I wanted to feel a bit looked after while I learned it.

These things have been much much more successful for me than anti depressants and anxiolytics, because they give you a way to work with and actually “ heal” your anxiety, and they are habit forming, so you’re body learns to be calm and it becomes your default setting, instead of anxiety being your default setting.
X

Ohyesiam · 07/11/2019 09:22

Pa PM me if you want.

ilovetofu · 07/11/2019 09:32

Just report your posts you're worried about op and ask mumsnet yo delete them 🤷‍♀️

AmIThough · 07/11/2019 09:34

@ilovetofu she already has... Hmm

SinkGirl · 07/11/2019 09:37

Honestly, anyone who knows me would easily recognise me from many of my posts but it has never happened and I post a lot. Try not to panic.

Obviously I don’t have all the information so I can’t advise you on what to do - I just know that holding on to information that’s causing you so much anxiety is causing you a lot of pain. Could you maybe access some counselling to try and sort things out?

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 07/11/2019 09:42

50 million people in the UK (or something)

100 posters (who are mostly here to deal with their own crap anyway Wink)... You'll be OK

Also, even if someone maybe thinks it is you, they simply cannot be sure! And why would anyone want to ruin anyone else 'a marriage anyway, people have their own shit to deal with!

Honestly, it will be fine

Rystall · 07/11/2019 09:56

Honestly I think you might be drawing even more attention to yourself by posting this. I read multiple posts every day. I never take notice of user names unless I’m specifically replying to someone. I don’t cross reference posts. I don’t recognise styles of writing etc so I would think it’s highly unlikely that you’d be recognised or outed unless you posted something really specific, like a name. However, as a result of this post, I am wondering about what you posted (though I won’t look it up).
I’m sorry you’re feeling so fragile OP and I hope you feel better soon. I do think that maybe you should get this thread deleted though.

Original poster
FullOfFear · 07/11/2019 09:58

Thanks so much for the reassurance everyone. I’ve been dwelling on it for a couple of days and had all but convinced myself that I’ve been found out.

With regards to counselling, I’m waiting for an appointment. I’m also doing mindfulness meditation and have just started on AD’s. Hopefully the combination will bring me out of the dark place that I am in.

OP posts:
MitziK · 07/11/2019 10:17

They've been deleted. So even if somebody was convinced it was you and wanted to shout the secret from the highest mountain, not only could you say 'Don't know what you're talking about', they can't pull it back up to show anybody else, so they sound insane.

Get this one deleted as well and you'll be fine.

Original poster
FullOfFear · 07/11/2019 10:32

I worry incase they’ve taken screen shots... but I know my mind is in overdrive.

OP posts:
OMGshefoundmeout · 07/11/2019 10:39

Deny, deny, deny.

Ariela · 07/11/2019 11:36

Honestly I think you are worrying about nothing.
I recently read a post elsewhere not on MN about a workplace scenario, where someone felt she had been badly treated by her boss. The post (to me) seemed exactly like a situation from 25 years ago when I was the boss, and the person writing the post was one of the people that reported to me. I had to read it twice as I thought 'oh shit I am the boss that pulled her up on that matter' THEN took a closer scrutiny of the actual words the OP had used and realised from her use of certain words that are far more popular now that the situation she was involved in was very recent, she was an office junior thus perhaps only about 23 or so and no way was she referring to me for (quite justifiably IMO) giving her a warning about her behaviour/situation/actions as this was contrary to company policy..
But for a heartstopping few minutes I really thought this person was still badly affected about being told off for their poor judgment 25 years ago and so had felt compelled to write 'was I right or was I in the wrong ?' all these years later..

If, (and I really do not think it will), anything comes up then just deny! You haven't looked at Mumsnet for years have you? You don't think you have an account, It's for mums of young babies after all.

memaymamo · 07/11/2019 12:03

This sounds like classic anxiety, very difficult but not usually based on truth. Try to distract yourself with things other than phones and internet Thanks

Original poster
FullOfFear · 07/11/2019 12:45

I really appreciate your replies and reassurance. Thank you.

OP posts:
CottonSock · 07/11/2019 12:49

I don't even hide my identity on here, and no one has ever recognised me. I hope your anxiety settles, but really I don't think it will happen

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