Which is harder have your first DC or having your second?

[notmybest]

Currently expecting DC2. I found when I had my first DD I literally went into shock. I found the newborn stage really hard.
Now expecting DC2 part of me thinks I shouldn't have that initial shock and will hopefully be more confident. Having said that I'm also aware this time I will be looking after both a newborn and a toddler so it could potentially be even harder?
Just wondered if you found it easier or harder second time round? TIA

Also found DC1 a huge huge culture shock and adjustment.. wondered what an earth we'd done to our lives for a while. It didn't help that she wasn't a great sleeper and also had silent reflux.

DC2 came along when DC1 was 22 months (much quicker than 'planned'). Two under two was so hard and really physically demanding, but less of a shock IYSWIM.

I was lucky that we were able to keep DC1 in nursery two days a week and honestly those two days felt like a holiday. One baby was so easy (It's a shame you don't realise that when you only have one). To be fair though DC2 was an easier baby - no feeding issues and would regularly have three-hour naps (on occasion he would have a 3-hour morning nap and then another 1-2 hours in the afternoon ) He never went through that hideous 40-minute cat nap phase that DC1 did.

So easier when you only have one child to look after, harder when you have the two but an easier mental adjustment!

I'll second that - mental shock was way worse with DC1. Even though 2 DC was physically harder, it seemed much easier!

Found going from 1 to 2 much harder than expected although the newborn stage is easier 2nd time round. We have just under 3 yrs gap & DC1 was in nursery so mat leave was pretty much the same. Our lifestyle wasn't that affected by having dc1 in terms of doing things, eg holidays & eating out because they were very easy going & its 2 vs 1. Having 2 tipped the balance but they are a more difficult in terms of not a great sleeper, more strong willed etc.

Dc1 was definitely harder as I didn't know what the hell I was doing. Only thing I found harder having dc2 was the lack of sleep and having to deal with a 4 year old. Once that phase passed it was relatively easy

Here to read some replies that would make me have hope as I am in the same situation and terrified 😫

Mine were just 16 months apart. DD2 nearly died at birth and spent a week in ITU, then DH died before her first birthday.
Coping with two DC in nappies while recently widowed and grieving was definitely harder than coping with one baby and a still alive DH.
But I would imagine that, had DH lived, it would have been much easier second time round as you’re more experienced and less anxious.
I found a playpen was essential for putting the baby safely in when I needed to use the bathroom or answer the door. Otherwise my toddler drew on her with felt pens and fed her yogurt. At 9 weeks old.

Oh & logistically I find it harder. One has started school but one is in nursery. One might have swimming lessons on the weekend, one might have a party, the different play dates etc.

Depends on the child really. My first dc was a dream. Slept, ate, fell right into Gina Ford's strict routine. My second was not interested in food (breastfed both, all circumstances seemed the same) or sleep. Did not smile, was generally a difficult customer all around from the getgo.

As older children (now 17 and 10) the elder is highly displined, everything in their life is ordered and efficiently dealt with. DC2 does eat and is not at all fussy but is not interested in sleep, even during the holidays. They are the smiliest person I know and are a delight but as different as DC1 as is possible. They don't even look alike (they have the same parents).

I would swear I did the same for each. Especially given the age gap so DC2 was in many ways like a first with the amount of time I had to focus on them. The main difference was that DH was around more for DC2 and DC1 had me to themselves but DC2 had an adoring older sibling to make up for the divided attention. I think it should have levelled them out.

Good luck OP!

I found I was lots more confident and not blindsided by the whole baby thing 2nd time around. All a breeze and not stressful when they do a little cough or a slightly green nappy etc. Loads easier to tell when they were tired or hungry or needed a nappy change. Often wondered why I had found a baby so hard the first time around. The birth was a million times better so less to recover from physically. And lovely when dh was off work we managed some good family days out the first few weeks and newborn slept for hours in the pram. Found newborn and toddler together really really hard to manage on my own all week mainly the logistics. The newborn wants you to hold them and feed them all day the toddler wants you to run around and play with them all day. Toddler can't come to baby group and you need to have hands free to help them at soft play. And newborns need two hands and are harder to plonk down to play for a mo or pop in the high chair or carry on your hip etc. Toddler still needs a lot of emotional and physical support. 2 lots of nappies and 2 dirty high chairs and 2 new outfits to find and 2 faces to wash is a fair bit more work than one and it takes longer to leave the house getting 3 people ready. We didn't really have any family around to help though and my eldest isn't at nursery while I'm on maternity. Someone to hold the baby while you play with dc1, someone to take dc1 to the park while you rest with dc2 would go a long way to help. Toddler and a 6 months+ baby is tiring but manageable. It all started to get incrementally better from about 4 months. Only really difficult now if someone is ill. Goes by like a flash though you'll be so busy. And it's lovely seeing them together your heart bursts with pride and love.

Going from 0-1 child was ten out of ten for shock and change of lifestyle. Going from 1-2 was absolutely fine. You know what to expect. Double the work though and mine are over 3 years apart so they can go to the toilet themselves, feed themselves etc.

It also helps massively if you keep your older child in childcare if this is an option. Even if you reduce days etc.

First was way harder. I felt like I’d been hit by a bus after the birth and that pretty much continued. Second was much easier.

Oh babdoc, that was exceptionally difficult. I am sorry for your loss.

Often wondered why I had found a baby so hard the first time around.

Yes I look back on dc1s newborn days & think what was I so stressed about, they literally sleep & feed!

It also helps massively if you keep your older child in childcare if this is an option.

I would defo recommend that, it makes it easier to do all the baby groups etc that you did first time round.

Mental shock was immensely harder for me with DC1 (also PND). The others were just more of the same, and I enjoyed it far more (no PND).

I found number two much easier and I was a single parent second time round .

First was so hard in confidence in what you're doing, the culture change and the broken sleep. So much so I was close to terminating my second DD (wasn't planned). But when my DD came along I was besotted and the whole experience has been wonderful in comparison. It is harder with two but not as much as people make you believe. Once you're life has changed for one child the second fits in place quite nicely!

Congrats OP

I wonder why I found 1-2 so hard 😊

DC1 was by far the hardest. I felt like you, went into shock, was pretty traumatised by the birth (all went tits up ending in an EMCS). He had colic, feeding problems, did not sleep more than 2hrs and all that crap. Honestly I had horrific PND that I didn’t seek treatment for and I look back on the first year and shudder.
DC2 arrived just before DC1 turned 2. It was an absolute breeze, I felt so prepared, I was very lucky as she was an absolute dream baby and slept so well so quickly. That made a huge difference. She just slotted right in. It has been relatively easy ever since!

I8 months between my two DC.
I found having my second and looking after my toddler much harder emotionally and physically than having my first.
We were in a great routine and mentally I was in quite a good place...then DD arrived! For all she was planned I felt a real shock when I became a mum of two.

With my first the new born stage was a huge learning curve, I'd never had something so small, fragile and high maintenance to look after. The constant feeding, nappy changes, demands on my time were completely alien to me and I struggled a bit to having to adjust to my new life.

Dc2 came along 3 years later. This time I was far more relaxed and luckily he just kind of slotted into our life. It helped that we sent dc1 to nursery for 15 hours a week, but I'd say this time the most stressful thing was me desperately trying to ensure dc1 still got all the attention she was used to.

Thanks everyone a lot of reassuring replies! @Babdoc I'm so sorry for your loss. What an absolute horrid time for you

Second was much harder.

And I was a single parent with dc1.

DC1 hit me like a ton of bricks.
Learning everything from scratch on literally no sleep Felt like I was dying and juggling a million flaming swords all at the same time.
I had DC2 when DC1 was 17 months old, and it was way easier! I knew the practical side of baby care that time around. Once I learned how to juggle them both it was mostly plain sailing

Number 2 was harder as id been severely sleep deprived for the 3 previous years (DC1 has medical issues). And I was having to juggle the needs of my toddler too.

DC1 was the harder baby by far but I had accepted that hed take all my time so i wasn't so bothered.

I've got a 3 year old and a 10 month old. The shock/ lifestyle change for the first was definitely worse and I found it more sressful/ overehelming/ relentless / lonely, all rolled in to one! Second time round I've found the baby much less stressful on the whole as you're generally much more confident knowing what you're doing with the baby. And I've found it easier to cope with any difficult stage, eg sleep regressions, as you really do know from experience that "this too shall pass". It IS harder to leave the house with 2, undoubtedly... and to feed both, give them both attention etc; it would be crazy to say that's not the case. And the first 3 months in particular were really bloody hard work at times, but to be fair that's because it coincided with my eldest turning 3, which is a difficult age in itself. And we couldn't afford to have childcare so I had both at home by myself. But, somehow on the whole it is just more bearable I found, the days go quicker, and you have the "company" of the eldest child on days alone at home, which daft as it might sound actually made me feel much less like I was going stir crazy with loneliness/ boredom like I often did with my first. Prepare yourself for feeling like you never get a rest, because really you don't get those peaceful moments of just cherishing your newborn / watching endless box sets, like you do with your first. And you don't get to sleep when the baby sleeps second time round! But mentally I would summarise by saying it's easier (in my experience) going from 1 to 2