Which is harder have your first DC or having your second?

[notmybest]

Currently expecting DC2. I found when I had my first DD I literally went into shock. I found the newborn stage really hard.
Now expecting DC2 part of me thinks I shouldn't have that initial shock and will hopefully be more confident. Having said that I'm also aware this time I will be looking after both a newborn and a toddler so it could potentially be even harder?
Just wondered if you found it easier or harder second time round? TIA

Oh Babdoc. I'm so sorry.

Oh and I second what a PP said - on days if/ when you end up with just one child to look after, it feels like an absolute breeze! So if you can afford childcare or have family help for at least some of the week with your eldest I would recommend that. The moments you do get alone with the baby then will feel really special and dreamy!

I was in shock after my first too - so nice to read it wasnt just me! Number 2 was definitely harder though because I was expecting her to be like DC1 and spoiler alert, she wasnt. In any way.

i felt the same as @ThePolishWombat

It was an awful shock for me having my first, having never been around babies or children before.

I found the second easier in that respect, but harder because I was looking after a toddler I could no longer nap in the day so I was even more exhausted!!

Definitely first was bigger shock. Then he helped me routine the newborn!

DC1 hit me like a hammerblow. Turned my life upside down, velcro baby, poor sleeper, PND. So many times thinking "what the fuck did I do and can I undo it ?"

DC2 was a fucking breeze, psychologically. I really enjoyed him. Logistically and practically two is harder but psychologically it was so, so much easier than the massive fucking shock it was to become a mother for the first time. Like PP I look back and think what the fuck was I so stressed about. Perspective and coping skills made all the difference.

I also second keeping your oldest child in childcare if you can possibly swing it, for their benefit and yours.

DC1 was tough, he was a breeze of a baby and eased me in gently but the actual adjustment to our lives was rough and I really struggled.

DC2, totally different story and I'm only 5 weeks in to it but it feels so much more natural this time around. We are all relaxed, he just has to slot in with us. No chance of keeping the house quiet with a nearly four year old around.

Very thankful that we are able to keep DC1 in preschool three days a week, that definitely makes my life easier and means I can spend precious time with DC2 as a tiny baby.

We've got a very good age gap I think. DC1 will be 4 in February and he gets it. Really gets it. He's a great help, absolutely dotes on his baby brother and isn't disturbed by the baby at night. If I had a non sleeping toddler who was still in nappies I think I'd struggle.

I was really nervous moving from 1 to 2, but it's pleasantly surprised me. But nothing has really tested us yet, no plane trips, no sickness, DH hasn't been away for work visits etc.

Having one child really is a piece of piss. So for me, moving to two (and then 3!) children was a bigger adjustment. When it was just my first, we didn't have to worry about doing the school run with a newborn, etc.

Oh, sorry if that sounded smug. It's just that I got bad postnatal depression and anxiety after my second, whereas I kept really good mental health with my first, and breezed through it a lot more. Also, she was the better baby