If you could tell your pre-child self not to take something for granted, what would it be?

[Waysofseeing]

I have been struggling to conceive for three years with an ovary removed and two miscarriages along the way. As my period has arrived yet again, I need something to help me stay positive. Last night my husband and I said let's plan something indulgent (or just nice!) we won't be able to do as easily when children hopefully do come along, and not waste this time away each month waiting for period not to show.

So - those of you with children, give me your best advice on what you would plan if you had time without kids which you can't now do with kids!

Ah I'm sorry you've had a tough time op.

I would say enjoy long leisurely breakfasts, Sunday walks, long lazy Sunday lunches with plenty of wine! Book a weekend away on the spur of the moment!

Well....being creative. I like writing and sewing and painting. Try doing ANY of that with kids...not happening. They take your nice painting materials and ruin them. They interrupt you all the time too.

Also, the stress of having complete responsibility for a helpless child is quite shocking at times.

You wonder "Have I done the right thing bringing a child into this world??"

Pre. kids, that didn't compute.

When you're child-free, you're responsible for yourself and that's it...of course we all have some responsibility towards family..parents/siblings but having a child...well, you think "I can't ever lose it...can't ever become homeless or get really ill ..."

If I didn't have kids...I'd travel a lot more...and do more art.

We did an amazing safari holiday in South Africa not long before we had DD. We dream of going back one day when the DC are abit older. Relaxing beach holidays are not quite as relaxing either at the minute!
Me and DH were married 7 years before we had DC. So we wanted to really make the most of it just being us so lots of holidays/mini breaks. We would go to London every year close to Xmas and once had afternoon tea at the Ritz which was a lovely experience.
Good luck with the ttc OP it took us two years to conceive DD so I have some experience of how you are feeling. We just decided to carry on life as normal like you until it happened. We had literally just booked a holiday before I found out. So we ended up having one last lovely baby moon

Thank you so much, this is exactly the kind of thing I need to hear! Holidays and hobbies, interspersed with brunches

:) I've got so caught up in wanting to start a family I think, it's also great to remind myself what I do have now and enjoy the moment a bit more.

Keep em coming!

Leisurely meals at nice places, especially with wine!
Now we have to find somewhere kid friendly & eat quickly before he gets restless & wants to go off exploring.
Lazy Sundays on the sofa binge watching box sets too! I wouldn't change my son for the World, but I do miss it sometimes.
Good luck on your journey, I hope a baby comes for you soon x

The one thing I wish me and husband had done was go somewhere like Maldives or somewhere similar with just the two of us.... I'd would recommend an indulgent holiday

Long bike ride or run or walk. Not just hand and bite grabbed in the dark when they are in bed.

I stress constantly about childcare - getting them to breakfast club in the mornings in order to get to work on time, leaving work in the evenings to pick them up, the state of the traffic to get there, holiday care....

Practically everything you do now you can’t do once you have kids. Sleep. Eat nice meals. Go for drinks. Go on holiday. Do something active. Watch TV......

It passes though, ours are teenagers and we do all of this stuff again now. I'd say go on holidays in term time, we're still stuck with that one for a few more years. Mind you you can do that till they start school. Just go out in the evenings spontaneously - we could do that but very rarely manage as we are always taxiing them to sports etc.

What I miss most is spontaneous evenings out, just heading out after work for dinner or drinks.
DH and I used to do a couple of hobbies together so now we have to do them in turn which is a bit less enjoyable.
Also holidays are a lot more expensive when you're paying for four people and not two!

Watching box sets / films with DH!! We never get the opportunity now as my son is such an erratic sleeper we can never leave him in his cot and come back down to watch TV. Enjoying long leisurely baths without having half an ear out for baby crying. Being able to leave the house without taking mountains of stuff! And finally having time to properly do make up /hair, look and feel your best. Overall these could all come under the category of self care I suppose!

Definitely any non-child-friendly holidays as you're not going to be able to do them again for a decade or more. Even child-friendly holidays will change forever when you have a child to add into the mix, i.e. pool/beach digging/water park instead of strolling hand in hand barefoot along golden sands, or sightseeing ancient monuments, or visiting beautiful churches, eating in fine restaurants etc - all impossible with younger children.

Well....being creative. I like writing and sewing and painting. Try doing ANY of that with kids...not happening. They take your nice painting materials and ruin them. They interrupt you all the time too

This. Also, resting up when you're ill. I'm not well today but still have to look after kids 😭😭

Honestly, thank you all. This has really helped to gain some helpful perspective amidst the struggles of trying to conceive!

Uninterrupted sleep, lie ins, relaxing holidays.
Complete freedom over your time (and body), being able to be entirely selfish and put yourself first all the time.
Not having to hide in the fridge to eat chocolate!
Baths without wind up penguins for company.
Being able to leave the house with 2 minutes notice.
Not changing 1917272 nappies a day!

Agree with the creativity thing. My dcs are all at school and i'm writing 2000 words a day, but i'm aware most people will think i should be at work. I've never had a paid job that didn't crush my soul in some way.

I've been there - spent 10 years TTC. It's horrible and you are right to look at ways to count your blessings as it certainly helped to keep me going.

We travelled a lot in that time and the memories of those lovey holidays keep me going when the kids are playing up. I'm so glad we travelled a lot as holidays are not quite the same when you have children with you.

I miss weekend city breaks. We still do one a year but the planning of who is going to look after the kids and taken them to their various clubs and activities almost makes it not worth bothering.

Also shopping alone! Even the supermarket shop feels like a treat when you don't have the kids with you.

Eating a nice meal with just DH. My kids make mealtimes quite stressful ( even now and they are 11 and 14)

For me the upside of taking so long to became a parent was the extra time we had to move up in our careers and build up our financial security.

Being able to have a job and earn money. I'm a carer for my dcs who have additional needs. It's relentless, stressful and thankless. I'm exhausted. The stress causes me to have panic attacks. I had one this morning. I'm so unhappy and stressed.

The ability to prioritise health and exercise. Long walks. Learning to sew or speak a different language.

@LittleSweet - I am going through similar at the moment. It’s soul destroying and I empathise enormously. X

I would say don’t take silence for granted. I absolutely crave silence, just a short spell of quiet with my own thoughts.
I miss my head being empty of noise and worry and guilt. I feel super guilty and worried over my kids all the damned time.
I felt guilty from conception to this very day over the most ridiculous things that have no consequence on anything actually on reflection.
I miss just having one or two things on my mind, I feel weighted down entirely by my concerns, worries, thoughts, guilt, plans, foreword thinking, “what ifs”, organisation and managing curve balls. What will I feed them? How can we juggle school drop off with getting to work on time in horrendous traffic.. oh and parents evening, superstar assembly, how to finish /negotiate work so I can be with my child but not in trouble with work.
I would enjoy my money and enjoy holidays, clothes, food. I don’t enjoy paying twice my mortgage for childcare each month.

Sorry things are so tough for you at the moment. No better time to totally indulge yourselves, I agree!
For me, what I miss is total spontaneity and to be able to spend all my wages on myself. Selfish I know. But even the totally seemingly mundane things like being able to go out for a long walk by myself sometimes seem out of reach for one reason and another.
Take some time out away, together, and be spontaneous. Book a weekend in a new city and just wander about without making any firm plans. And enjoy yourselves

Ha ha... just about anything without a seemingly constant: "Mummy, Mummy, Mummy"...

As a pp said; can't go for long bike rides with Husband without roping in childcare (40 miler on a road bike / not suitable for our young-ish children).

Can only watch PG stuff on tv until both kids are in bed (eldest is 9) - as his bedtime is a little later these days I feel I hardly ever have time to watch a proper movie or a horror as my Husband is often ready for bed only 1hr into the movie. It gets stopped and we rarely seem to see the end..

I've not been in the same position as you, but please enjoy the freedom to do what you want when you want whilst you still have the opportunity and good luck with the TTC

Travel now my dcs are almost grown up I’m compiling a bucket list of places to go

City breaks at the drop of a hat! Going out for a night and not having to worry about the possibility of dealing with a hangover plus a child to attend to. Staying in bed all day binge watching tv. Having a tidy house. Not having 80 million loads of washing every day. Not having to plan a meal out like a military exercise worrying about naps, hunger, entertainment, crying, spilt juice etc. SLEEP. SILENCE. I mean, I love my kids, but Jesus Christ I love seeing the back of them too 🙈
Sorry to hear about your difficulties though, I'm sure it will eventually happen for you (probably just as you've booked some really exciting un-child-friendly event, like it happened for me!)