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Original poster

Boyfriend called me ugly during an argument

43 replies

HeadCyan · 02/11/2019 11:47

I’ll keep this as short as I can since I it’s a long story. But, long story short, me and my boyfriend of 4 years got into an argument. It wasn’t over anything specific, he was talking to me really rudely and had an attitude. I got one back and it just escalated. I kept telling him to just stop talking to me and leave me alone and he just wouldn’t. He kept saying extremely rude things over and over even when I wouldn’t say anything. He does this to get under my skin and get a reaction out of me, and then when it works, he flips it around and makes me seem like the bad guy. Well he started calling me names so I called him names back, and then for no reason during the argument he called me an “ugly fucking b*tch” I can’t get it out of my head I keep replaying it in my mind over and over. How could he say that to me. I’ve never insulted his appearance or tried to make him feel bad about himself. I’m not the best looking but people call me pretty all the time, but I’ve become very depressed and started letting myself go and I’ve always been self conscious but it’s gotten worse in the last year, and this just shattered what little bit of self esteem I had left. I feel hideous. I keep staring at myself in the mirror, thinking, he’s right. Analyzing every flaw that I have. Nobody would ever want me. He doesn’t even want me. The name calling&stuff is bad enough, but I can get over it I’m used to it. But calling me ugly was like mentally murdering me. Advice please?

OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 02/11/2019 11:50

Is there anything good about your relationship? If someone went for the jugular like that in an argument, I’m not sure I would be able to come back from it - or even want to. He sounds very unpleasant.

Shoxfordian · 02/11/2019 11:53

Do you mean ex boyfriend? I think you do
What a knob

FlashesOfRage · 02/11/2019 11:53

Have my first ever LTB Flowers

I was in an abusive relationship for seven years and I didn’t realise till it was over that all the times I felt bad about myself “lazy”, “fat”, “argumentative”, they were the words he’d used against me.

You feel bad and depressed and unattractive because he is making you feel that way.

❤️

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Relationship problems
DonPablo · 02/11/2019 11:54

Life is short. Relationships can be lovely and supportive and fun. Is yours?

Original poster
HeadCyan · 02/11/2019 12:00

I also feel like if I leave this relationship I’ll never find another one. I tell myself all the time im ugly, i FEEL ugly. But to have the person that’s suppose to love me say that after I already feel that way, I can’t even put into words what that did to me. Nobody would want someone who looks like me. I feel worthless.

OP posts:
Ohwhatbliss · 02/11/2019 12:01

Absolutely unforgivable. Someone who loves you, however angry, would never say that. LTB you can do so much better

Karwomannghia · 02/11/2019 12:06

It’s not true. He only said it to hurt you and it worked. Which makes him an arsehole.

unfathomablefathoms · 02/11/2019 12:07

He doesn't love you. This is not what love looks like.

Kez200 · 02/11/2019 12:16

I had a long term boyfriend once call me "woof woof" when i askes him to repeat it, he did it again.

I dropped a half pint of lager over his head and wished i was a pint drinker.

I dumped him and felt terrible for days as we had been very serious and together for 5years.

HaileySherman · 02/11/2019 12:16

First, I think you should end it with him. That clearly crossed a line you can't come back from. Second, I have to say that one person (regardless of who it is) shouldn't be able to destroy you the way he has. I think you should really focus on you for a while. Get to a place where no one can impact your MH and esteem that way. I don't know if that is through therapy, self help book/seminars, activities that focus on you, or whatever. It will not be time wasted. Once you see your own value and worth, you'll realize that you can be happy alone and a relationship should be gravy on that, not the meat and potatoes, if that makes sense.

Chloemol · 02/11/2019 12:17

Why is having a relationship more important that your own self esteem? He is a bully, and turning it to say it’s your fault is abuse.

You deserve better, leave him it maybe tough to start with, but you will start to feel much better without his drip feeding poison in your ear

LashesZ · 02/11/2019 12:19

I can totally sympathise. My DP has a nasty streak with his words when he's angry and called me a "fat f*ck" the other day (I don't class a size 10 as fat but never mind?!) I couldn't imagine leaving him, but like you, it just replays in my mind. Hoping it works out for you whatever happens xx

Doletmeknow · 02/11/2019 12:20

You’re in an abusive relationship. Thank god you’re not married. Get out of it, please.

saraclara · 02/11/2019 12:20

And what did you say to him prior to that? You said you called him names, so it seems a bit of a six of one and half a dozen of another situation.

Either way, your relationship is obviously awful for both of you, so time to leave.

Flobbertybillop · 02/11/2019 12:21

Better to be in no relationship than an abusive one

Doletmeknow · 02/11/2019 12:21

LashesZ you, too.

HeddaGarbled · 02/11/2019 12:21

You seem to think that having a boyfriend who is horrible to you is better than not having a boyfriend. You’re wrong.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 02/11/2019 12:22

You feel ugly because the person you share your life with, the person who is meant to hold you as the most important person in their life makes you feel ugly!

Once you only have your own influence on your emotions and life then you will start to see the world and yourself more clearly.

To show you the difference. I think I am ugly, I definitely think that I look rough even when Iv made an effort and while I never talk about it out loud and it doesn't affect my life as such it's still there hidden within me. my partner on the other hand always in small ways shows me he thinks I'm wonderful and he is lucky someone as beautiful as me chooses to make a life with him. He would never sling out a personal insult towards me ever as I wouldn't towards him because taking everything else away at the basic core of our relationship we have respect for each other.

Don't waste the few years we have on this planet on someone who doesn't add to your life! If someone isn't enriching your life they don't deserve a place in it. We don't have enough time to lose some of it on an arsehole!

sallievp · 02/11/2019 12:22

This isn't love 😓😓😓

Dobinette · 02/11/2019 12:28

My advice would be to leave the bastard. Asap!

madcatladyforever · 02/11/2019 12:30

I would end it with anyone who said this to me even if we'd been together for 20 years.

lljkk · 02/11/2019 12:52

You asked for opinions, so mine are...

  1. you shouldn't tie your self esteem to how you look. (Nobody should)

he started calling me names so I called him names back, and then for no reason during the argument he called me an “ugly fucking b*tch”

  1. Out of interest, what names did you call him?

3)You were both calling each other names. You know what he's like & that he would keep escalating the stakes. I know people with happy relationships who think it's hilarious to call each other ugly names... You could have walked away from this row but chose to keep it going until it crossed a new boundary.

  1. Is he worth having around the rest of the time? Only you can decide. He's not our problem.
mumwon · 02/11/2019 13:22

"it takes one to know one"

CactusAndCacti · 02/11/2019 13:35

The name calling&stuff is bad enough, but I can get over it I’m used to it

This made me feel so sad for you, this is not a happy, healthy relationship at all. You sound completely down beaten.

Do you live together?

dontgobaconmyheart · 02/11/2019 13:39

You don't need to find another one OP, the concern should be leaving this one. He's abusive and sounds like a dick. Of you are having arguments that escalate and are both name calling then it just sounds toxic.

Men really aren't the be all and end all OP, you need to think about how good he is for YOU and it really sounds like you need to work on your own sense of worth. Liking yourself is a challenge sometimes but it'll be much harder if you choose to stay with a person that affects your self esteem like this. The relationship is over OP, no point hiding in the ruins of it being miserable.

You are right that a partner would love respect and care for you OP but it is not healthy to expect to get everything from another person, you need to be changing your own thought patterns. What someone else thinks of you really is no reflection on your worth. I'd honestly try CBT or similar. You've got to break the cycle OP.

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