Boyfriend called me ugly during an argument

[HeadCyan]

I’ll keep this as short as I can since I it’s a long story. But, long story short, me and my boyfriend of 4 years got into an argument. It wasn’t over anything specific, he was talking to me really rudely and had an attitude. I got one back and it just escalated. I kept telling him to just stop talking to me and leave me alone and he just wouldn’t. He kept saying extremely rude things over and over even when I wouldn’t say anything. He does this to get under my skin and get a reaction out of me, and then when it works, he flips it around and makes me seem like the bad guy. Well he started calling me names so I called him names back, and then for no reason during the argument he called me an “ugly fucking b*tch” I can’t get it out of my head I keep replaying it in my mind over and over. How could he say that to me. I’ve never insulted his appearance or tried to make him feel bad about himself. I’m not the best looking but people call me pretty all the time, but I’ve become very depressed and started letting myself go and I’ve always been self conscious but it’s gotten worse in the last year, and this just shattered what little bit of self esteem I had left. I feel hideous. I keep staring at myself in the mirror, thinking, he’s right. Analyzing every flaw that I have. Nobody would ever want me. He doesn’t even want me. The name calling&stuff is bad enough, but I can get over it I’m used to it. But calling me ugly was like mentally murdering me. Advice please?

I would dump the git - rude fucker. All that trying to wind you up so he can turn it against you - fucking scum gaslighter.

I've learned over the years the people who attack your deepest insecurities don't love you or recognise your inner light and beauty, whatever they say in words.

My mum does this. We're having an argument about a neutral subject and i think we're on equal ground and then she just sneaks in like a ninja and blind sides me with her spite. And of course she knows all my weaknesses like the back of her hand - she created most of them!

It becomes extremely personal in a one sided way before i even know what's hit me.

The secret is to avoid these people as much as possible and build a life for yourself full of good 'uns who have your best interests at heart.

Remember it's the spiteful person that has the problem. If you had a parent or sibling like this growing up remember it makes you a magnet for similar people.

Look to elevate yourself in a spiritual sense (yoga, meditation, singing, praying, listening to uplifting music) as it helps to take you off their radar and into the paths of better people.

That's nasty. He's showing you his very ugly side. Move on. You deserve so much better.

I had a boyfriend of 4 years who said something similar to me around 2 years into the relationship. We broke up 8 years ago and I still think of it most days. He destroyed my confidence with a flippant comment he probably didn't even mean. Leave him. You can do better, and you deserve better.

Get rid of him, you deserve so much better. Take the time you have without him to build upon your self esteem. He is treating you very badly and you shouldn’t let him.

I also feel like if I leave this relationship I’ll never find another one.

Nonsense. Leaving the relationship will do wonders for your self-esteem and leave you free to enjoy life as a woman in your own right, not dependent on others. It will leave you free to meet one of the many genuinely nice, considerate men out there who would never dream of treating anyone like this - and if you don't, you'll be happy anyway.

Did you feel down when you got together? If not then he might be the cause of your low self esteem. If you did then he most likely was looking for someone that he could put down in order to validate himself.
When you feel low and don't love yourself it is almost impossible to find anyone else that will. What you will attract is people that need you to feel low and unlovable because putting you down is the only way they can feel a little ok about themselves.
Two people in that state do not form a healthy relationship. I would back away from bonds with others for now and start to strengthen your feelings about yourself.

Something tells me this idiot is no oil-painting himself. His character is certainly extremely ugly.

Even when my DH and I get into an argument (and some get petty/explosive) we have never insulted each others appearance, as its totally irrelevant.

That's just such a low blow and incredibly hurtful. I don't think I could ever look at him the same if he said things like that to me, and it would be the end as it would just breed resentment.

You deserve better. Don't let him undermine your confidence, and don't waste any more of your time on this relationship

An ex of mine lost a game of Shit Head and through his cards down and called me a flat chested bitch.

I walked out, walked home at 3am and never saw him again.

Fucking horrible.

LTB

Arguing like that is not normal, being spoken to like that isn't normal. Get out and find someone who deserves you or enjoy being single.
If my DP ever said that, even though we have 2 kids and been together 12 years, he would be gone.

Of course you would find someone else, don't be daft (saying that in a nice way!). Even if you didn't, which is ridiculous, is a shit boyfriend better than no boyfriend? At least you wouldn't have someone chipping away at your self esteem. I'm sure you're lovely looking, and even if you wasn't, well nobody deserves to be called names because of how they look.

Bin him and work on your self esteem. It’s probably being with him that has dragged you down.

Name calling like this is not normal...

I remember this happening to me as a young girl, I had a right weirdo, boyfriend who seemed to get his kicks calling me names, usually related to my physical appearance. He also delighted in telling me that other people in our town called me names too and apparently also thought I was ugly. Nothing like being made to feel like shit by someone who claims to love you hey

Twenty years later, I bumped into him, I didn't recognise him at first, he is now fat- Mitchellin man style, bald and alone, surprise, surprise. He greeted me like a long lost friend, hugging me (made me cringe ) asking lots of questions about my life, reminiscing about our time together(missed out the name calling though).

I walked away, laughing to myself and thinking how relieved I was that I dumped him and thought how stupid that 19 year old was to be with him in the first place and to even tolerate his nastiness. Get rid of him O/P he's vile and you deserve better.

I kept telling him to just stop talking to me and leave me alone and he just wouldn’t. He kept saying extremely rude things over and over even when I wouldn’t say anything. He does this to get under my skin and get a reaction out of me, and then when it works, he flips it around and makes me seem like the bad guy.

That's not an argument, it's being goaded by an abusive nasty twat.

PLEASE leave him. The reason you feel this way - no self esteem, no one else will ever be interested - is because he's MADE you feel that way. That's what they do. Grind the other person down, make them feel like shit to build themsevles up and because they're nasty and they can.

You'll feel 100% better away from him and I guarantee you will find a happier, better future!

The exact same happened with me just over a picture.. So I know how it must feel but girl it's alright there's always people out there who would love you just the way you are.. And everyone's beautiful we all have flaws we need to start loving them.. much love to you.. please take care