Anxious about managing car

[LetThemEatDrama]

I suffer from anxiety normally and struggle to manage it anyway but I've found having a car to be a huge problem and don't want to fill the stereotype of 'women don't know anything about cars' but I'm really struggling.

I learnt to drive this year after 3 years on/off (also due to anxiety) because I really needed to drive for my job otherwise I'd have been made redundant. Bought a car immediately after passing, from a private seller, and thought that was the hard part over but now finding it tough to manage car maintenance and understand what to do without getting really anxious. I thought I could do very basic maintenance then a local garage would help with anything else but finding it harder in practice. I bought a book to teach me the basics but finding it really hard, like trying to understand surgery if blood makes you panic.

Eg, I took it in for new tyres and they said it needed new brake pads and showed me the old ones and the 'difference' in wear left compared to the new ones but I didn't have a clue what I was looking at so how do I tell if they were ripping me off or not. And now two different warning 'check' messages have come up on screen within a 15 minute drive and I don't know whether to take it to garage straight away (I'm back home now) or see if the lights go off next time etc. I've googled and it's everything from 'I just kept driving and it seemed fine' to ' take it straight in, cost me £600' so doesn't help.

If it was a problem with my child I'd come on MN every time I was worried and get good advice on when to get checked out, what to try etc but is there somewhere like that for cars? Not that MN'ers wouldn't know about cars but somewhere specific? I have no-one in RL to ask, DH doesn't drive and knows nothing and have no-one else who seems to know much, I've asked friends and just get 'dunno, cars are a pain aren't they?' type replies. I need a car MN desperately.

TLDR: I'm basically asking where to get advice if you're clueless about cars and have no-one in 'RL' to rely on.

For warning lights I'd take it in to a garage. I always do a bit of research first e.g. I think it might be a problem with the x. That way it's less likely they rip me off. There's plenty of you tubes for simple car maintenance e.g. tyre pressures, checking oil etc.

Do you have any local garages nearby ran by locals?

You could put a recommend post on a media and your friends will probably comment where they go etc etc just to get an idea.

Getting a book is a great idea to teach yourself basics.

I can do tyre checks,water air screen wash oil etc and I know the difference in a good break pad and not.

Google's your friend. There's loads of videos on their showing the legal limit of things like that.

Apart from that just experience.
I'm a member of a forum online for my particular car.
I find loads of help with dashboard lights,bulb changes etc etc on there op

Which warning lights have come on? If it's the oil you're OK for a short while until you can top it up.

Have you got the cars manual

Don't use kwik fit/Halfords service centres and the like. Always find an independent - you can look on your council website for 'trusted traders' or similar and also Facebook reviews/recommendations.

If they showed you the old pads it's probably because they did need replaced, they wouldn't risk showing you pads that were ok.

What were the warning lights? Basic rule of thumb is that red means more serious then orange etc

1. never ever go to Kwik Fit (don't know if thats where you went)
2. ask on Facebook on your local page for a good garage. I did this and the same name cropped up several times so I now have a good local garage. 3)join AA or Green Flag
3. make sure you know how to check oil and tyres
4. keep the servicing up to date. If you do all of the above you can't really go wrong. There is so much that can happen with a car that you cannot pre empt but if you do everything possible to keep it well maintained then its really not worth worrying about. I do understand. My car is an 06 plate and I get quite stressed sometimes thinking what if something major happens but then I tell myself I'm doing everything I can to keep it roadworthy. I forgot in the list don't forget your MOT! Timing belt too. Google your make/model and make sure you get that changed just ahead of its recommended time.

Oh, and if a bulb goes I just take mine to the nearest halfords and they change it for me. It's a few quid each time but I'm unable to do it myself (the lights on my car are weirdly hard to access)

How old is the car? Mot gives you % wear on items like brake pads and tyre tread depth. What warning lights are on (look at handbook). Ime in a modern car they don't disappear until you reset or remedy it.

Thanks, just the advice to take it in for warning lights and not 'oh, everyone ignores them' is really reassuring as I'm so clueless. I asked on FB for a good garage as most of my friends live in different towns and got mixed reviews as always but got one I think is supposed to be good. Thanks for the ideas, will look for a specific forum and find some vids.

Sorry, cross posted with loads more replies...

Use the handbook, it will tell you what the warning lights mean.

There may be an FB fan page for your car, which generally has helpful people to advise.

Try not to panic- most things don't need an instant decision, so use FB and here to ask what to do. Most people don't know and are in the same boat as you- we just ask around.

It will get better, honest!

If it helps there isnt much maintenance the average person can do on a modern car, top up fluid, change wipers and bulbs and even that can be tricky on some cars. The warning lights are standard across all cars you should be able to find a guide easily online. If you're ever unsure go straight to a garage they are unlikely to charge simply to have a look and make sure you have breakdown cover just in case the worst happens.

The car is an '06' plate, it's a Clio automatic, the 'check abs' came on first then literally 30 seconds later the 'check gearbox' message came up. I've got the manual but still getting my head round what all these things are, can understand the lights etc but no idea how to 'feel if the braking gets harsher' etc.

I've joined Green Flag, had the car serviced about 6 weeks after getting it, it wasn't time for it but because we were going 250 miles for my first long drive I wanted the reassurance and I think I'm checking the oil and tyres correctly so sounds like I've started ok then.

How much driving do you do OP?

Once you have a good honest garage, they will advise you. I take my car for an annual service because I don't do a lot of mileage. If I did, I'd take it twice a year - once for a major service and MOT and a minor one.

Most modern cars will tell you if the oil needs topping up so really the only check you need to do is tyre pressure and you only need to do that twice a year.

Agree with those who say seek recommendations for a good garage. Feeling you can trust the garage you use takes a whole lot of anxiety away as you can pretty take their word for things.

Finding this very reassuring already, thanks, most people I know in RL fall into either 'oh, I normally just buy the part and fit it myself' or 'no idea, got DH to look at it' so not much help for me, glad to hear I'm not unusual in not diagnosing everything myself instantly.

I do a lot of driving which again doesn't help because I think problems are coming up more often - I do easily 500 miles a month due to work, which is another reason I didn't mind taking it for an early service. Brill, I can do the oil and tyre pressure, feel less incompetent now!

What is the website for honest mechanics called? Is it honest John?

When you use your car a lot it all feels very familiar, like a worn in pair of shoes. So you would definitely know if something felt wrong or different, like harsher braking etc.

Googled honest john and the forum looks really helpful, even if half of it is over my head , will sign up to that now.

Ok, thanks, even though I've driven so much every week I still feel extremely new but hopefully will improve with time.

I've driven for years, still have no mechanical knowledge but luckily my best mates husband loves cars so he does mine.

Look into leasing a car then you don't have to worry about any of this.

It does improve with time and experience.

When I first got a car, I did a term's evening class on car maintenance at a local college. He covered all the stuff about how different bits of the car worked, but he also said, it's fine to get someone else to do the dirty work for you. By having some knowledge, you'll have a better idea of when they're trying to pull a fast one.

You should know how to check and top up oil, how to top up the washer bottle, how to check and adjust the tyre pressure, and how to change light bulbs, (though on some models, it can be almost impossible to get at the light housing to be able to do it, and it's something I look for when buying a car now, because I don’t think I should have to dismantle half the stuff under the bonnet just for a light bulb.)

I google warning lights if I am not sure what they mean. I usually then take it into the garage then - and once, when it was actually quite minor and quick to fix, they didn't even charge me, but I have been going to them for years with different cars, and at other times have spent a lot of money with them. And because that sometimes happens, I put some money aside each month, so if it costs several hundred to fix something, I can cover it - less of an issue these days, but it was more so when I first had a car and didn't have much money to spare. The AA has also been helpful on a couple of occasions, so I recommend membership of one of those organisations (check your car insurance - some include a roadside rescue package.)

There are some things I could fix myself, but I only have street parking and am not keen on lieing in the road to fix stuff, plus these days, I am happy to pay someone for their time as much as their knowledge, tools and skills. I already have enough to do without doing all but the basic car maintenance, so if others will replace the brake pads and change the oil for a fee, that's fine by me. It also means they have to deal with the proper disposal of oil and so on, not me, and for all the things which need the little electronic device plugging in to get the diagnostics off the EMS, they have one of those, too.

It will get easier, but a car going wrong is always stressful.

Finding a good mechanic is like finding a good hairdresser - it will take a while but will be massively worth it when you find someone you can trust and communicate with.

It will get easier with time and experience, so try not to be phased by the technical language and millions of different parts that could go wrong!

Also, I'd make a checklist of daily/weekly/monthly checks (oil, water, tyres, etc) to help you remember what needs doing. If there's a Haynes manual for your car, this info will be in there (with photos of where to find the things!).

Have you had any luck OP? Any idea what's wrong?