Anxious about managing car

[LetThemEatDrama]

I suffer from anxiety normally and struggle to manage it anyway but I've found having a car to be a huge problem and don't want to fill the stereotype of 'women don't know anything about cars' but I'm really struggling.

I learnt to drive this year after 3 years on/off (also due to anxiety) because I really needed to drive for my job otherwise I'd have been made redundant. Bought a car immediately after passing, from a private seller, and thought that was the hard part over but now finding it tough to manage car maintenance and understand what to do without getting really anxious. I thought I could do very basic maintenance then a local garage would help with anything else but finding it harder in practice. I bought a book to teach me the basics but finding it really hard, like trying to understand surgery if blood makes you panic.

Eg, I took it in for new tyres and they said it needed new brake pads and showed me the old ones and the 'difference' in wear left compared to the new ones but I didn't have a clue what I was looking at so how do I tell if they were ripping me off or not. And now two different warning 'check' messages have come up on screen within a 15 minute drive and I don't know whether to take it to garage straight away (I'm back home now) or see if the lights go off next time etc. I've googled and it's everything from 'I just kept driving and it seemed fine' to ' take it straight in, cost me £600' so doesn't help.

If it was a problem with my child I'd come on MN every time I was worried and get good advice on when to get checked out, what to try etc but is there somewhere like that for cars? Not that MN'ers wouldn't know about cars but somewhere specific? I have no-one in RL to ask, DH doesn't drive and knows nothing and have no-one else who seems to know much, I've asked friends and just get 'dunno, cars are a pain aren't they?' type replies. I need a car MN desperately.

TLDR: I'm basically asking where to get advice if you're clueless about cars and have no-one in 'RL' to rely on.

This is the car equivalent of Mumsnet - really helpful.

www.pistonheads.com/gassing/default.asp?h=0

Sorry not to update earlier, got swamped with home stuff. Took it to the garage, they fixed it easily enough, needed the abs sensor changing apparently but while they had it they noticed the rear coil (suspension coil I think?) had broken because it was all rusty so suggested replacing it and the other one of the pair as that would be due to go soon if one had so all in all the whole thing cost me £340 but at least it's sorted. That makes £900 now I've spent on it in 6 months (had a service, 2 new tyres, new brake pads, cam sensor replaced and now this lot so hope that's about right), really hoping nothing expensive goes wrong! I already know I'll be back though, sometimes it doesn't go properly into gear and just needs the stick nudging, apparently either the contact is going or it needs adjusting, so more money at some point and the MOT is due soon - getting used to how pricey cars are!

Thanks for all the help, feel a bit more able to manage already, will have a look on pistonheads too.

Hi OP. The best way of finding a decent garage is the Who Can Fix My Car website. Because it anonymises the job, it makes it much harder for them to lie to you. It also shows the number of jobs they've done, so you can judge their experience.

I've used the Good Garage Scheme to find garages to try. Ask on any local facebook groups or we have a relatively active nextdoor group (there's a website where you can join your local one). I agree that you might need to try a few to see which one works best for you.

The trouble is that you have quite an old car so I definitely would budget for annual work. Save monthly towards it so you are prepared and spread the cost.

Maintenance work I can do on my car is as follows:

• tyre pressure
• fill screen wash
• change windscreen wipers
• put the spare wheel on
• check the oil (but don't bother as it's done when it goes in for a service and MOT).

I paid Halfords to fit my windscreen wipers the first time and watched the guy, asked loads of questions. Definitely got my moneys worth. I photographed the box the windscreen wiper came in so I can buy the same one and now can fit myself.

I learnt how to put the spare wheel on when I got home and realised a tyre was going down rapidly. With the help of YouTube and the car's manual, I put the spare on. Obviously much easier on a sunny day with the car on my driveway. The second time it happened I had to call Green Flag because the rim was actually stuck on the car. They whacked it with a rubber mallet!

Keep a note of when you have the battery changed. Honestly, they've been the resolution of a number of random car problems. They usually last 3-5 years.