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Original poster

PND or sheer exhaustion?

36 replies

doldrums13 · 29/10/2019 10:44

Background is baby is six months old and the longest she has slept for is an hour unless she's being held or in a sling. HV has said that is should get better now that she is being weaned. Lactation consultant says there is no evidence for this and to try co-sleeping overnight. Following all advice given and no difference.

I have reached the point where I cannot cope. The house is a state. The washing piles are huge. There is no food in. I am so scared I'm going to hurt her or myself or both. My husband is a dick and I'm not really talking to my friends as I just don't have the energy.

I've been to the HV and they've said to keep an eye on my mood. When does it become PND? I've been feeling increasingly worse for months.

OP posts:
Original poster
doldrums13 · 29/10/2019 21:18

Bump, any advice on how to survive the night would be amazing.

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 29/10/2019 21:24

It could be PND, maybe see the doctor? Are you co-sleeping? Having a partner being a dick really makes it worse, from personal experience.

Mileaf · 29/10/2019 21:25

Has she any reflux issues?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old 6-9 months old Babies & sleep Families
Mileaf · 29/10/2019 21:27

Anyone can watch her for you so you can get some sleep? A doctor is best to advise re the PND but anyone experiencing sleep deprivation would be down and depressed so not surprised that you feel low.

nocluewhattodoo · 29/10/2019 21:30

I had a non sleeping baby and a dickhead partner too OP, I was borderline suicidal for most of DDs first two years. Felt much better once she started sleeping, but the partner issues are still there. For me I think it was pure exhaustion, I feel awful if I don't get enough sleep and it was just so so overwhelming as I had zero support. Is your partner pulling his weight and taking baby out so you can rest? Presumably not as you are here, do you have parents nearby who could take the baby for a few hours so you can sleep undisturbed?

Mixingitall · 29/10/2019 21:32

There is a reason that sleep deprivation is a form of torture. Is baby feeding well at regular times and the right quantities? It could be reflux, ds2 only slept on me or in his reclined pushchair. I ended up walking for hours a day as it was easier than sitting at home with a crying baby. I gave ds2 a dummy at 6 months as I was so exhausted.

I know many people are against Gina Ford. I used her book to gauge feeding times quantities and then sleeping fell in to place. When it fell in to place I followed it religiously. It really was my saviour. If you are breast feeding, she also talks about timings on each breast to ensure fore and hind milk are being taken and baby gets the fattier part of the milk.

Original poster
doldrums13 · 29/10/2019 21:33

Thank you both, we are co-sleeping but I struggle with it as I'm so scared that she'll get squashed.

We've not looked into reflux. I'll have a google.

We're quite isolated from family where we live and my h is out from five till five. Luckily my amazing mum is coming tomorrow after a teary phone call so I'm hoping I'll get a nap. She's taking me to the doctors too.

OP posts:
APeakyBlinder · 29/10/2019 21:33

To me it sounds like exhaustion, 6 months of sleep deprivation is more than enough to break anyone! Have you tried 'wake to sleep', I started using that for daytime naps and it quickly increased nighttime sleep too. It's shit Op but this stage won't last forever

moobar · 29/10/2019 21:34

Handhold here OP. I had post natal anxiety but without a doubt it escalated tenfold with sleep deprivation. I also thought I was verging into PND but for me it was the sleep.

I'm at twelve months now and looking back I don't know how I survived it. Utterly horrendous.

Things that worked for me
Baby seen by a cranial osteopath.
I did not want to co sleep but have come to terms with that being the only way to sleep. So I start the night with her in her own cot in own room and when she wakes she comes in with me.

I do not have any family help and from ten months have enrolled her in nursery three hours a week. That's when I do the main housework.

Weaning helped me to the extent that baby in high chair messing with foods meant I could fill the dishwasher or put washing on.

She has started sleeping a bit better but it's hit and miss. We have had one eight hour stretch in twelve months. Normally average at two maximum.

I stopped talking about it to friends because I would have killed the next person who tried to help. It resulted in me feeling completely useless and constantly picked on. Everyone I know wants to know if she is sleeping yet. Drives me absolutely potty.

White noise loud in her room. She never responded to that when tiny but now it certainly seems to mute out other noises and she wakes less.

My heart goes out to you, sleep deprivation is like nothing I've ever experienced.

Whattodowithaminute · 29/10/2019 21:36

This sounds so hard for you Flowers you sound so exhausted-lack of sleep is torture so you’re going to feel awful. For now I would do anything you can to get as much rest as possible; take help from friends, family and make partner do his fair share. Heading to bed super early once he’s home from work and sleep then-even a couple of hours will make you feel better.

Depending on where you are in the country there are variable types of supper services run by charities e.g mind. Inconsistent throughout the country but some services offer things like befriending where someone will help you keep on top of household tasks and cuddle a baby for you for an hour.
Good luck

moobar · 29/10/2019 21:36

On food, online is the only way I can shop. No way I could go to shops in the state I was in.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 29/10/2019 21:38

It's good that your mum's coming over. Please try and get a nice bath and some sleep while she's there to help out.I can remember the HV saying to try and sleep when the baby sleeps, so an hour on the sofa when your baby is in the pushchair/whatever/nearby and safe. Is this an option? So an hour here and there is better than nothing.

Tyrannosaurusdrip · 29/10/2019 21:40

Hi,
Sounds like you need to speak to your GP and say all this. It sounds like you're exhausted, but also sounds pretty much how I did when I was diagnosed with PND.
Have you any family nearby who can help out? Can you express and get someone to give a bottle? Try a dummy for comfort over night? It sounds like you need a break.
If none of these things are possible, just remember you CAN make it through the night.
Sorry I don't have much practical advice but didn't want to read and run. 💐

Diy2019 · 29/10/2019 21:45

I think the best thing you can do is read up about postnatal depression and see how many of the boxes you tick for it, then talk to your gp.
I started meds for this two weeks ago and am so much better already. I really regret now that I was in denial and left it so long before I got help.

misstiggiwinkle · 29/10/2019 21:46

This was me. Please please look into reflux. My dd is 2.5 now and I didn't figure it out properly until she was 2. Those 2 yrs I genuinely don't know how I/we/my marriage survived. Silent reflux can continue beyond weaning and a child sitting/walking/turning one. Do not let anyone tell you it can't. My dd is now on the correct medication and our lives and sleep have been transformed. I thought she was the most stubborn baby ever as no amount of sleep training worked, she cried for hours and hours every day because she was exhausted. I was in a hopeless spiral of thinking if she would eat more she would sleep. Turns out she was in pain. I feel like it was so obvious now I look back but I didn't work it out for 2 years. Nor did the gps, hvs or anyone else I spoke to. GPS even suggested adhd. I kept telling all the professionals that told me I had pnd that if I could just get some sleep and get the crying to stop I would be fine, no one listened!

Tillyfloss1 · 29/10/2019 21:52

OP I could have written that post myself six months ago. Have made it to a year now. Things improved very slowly with the weaning and I also went from breastfeeding to formula. Personal choice and I was desperate. We still co sleep - she starts off in her own cot most nights and in is with me by 10. Still wakes in the night but no where near as bad as before. I was exactly the same, no support nearby, husband was crap. I remember just sobbing as I pushed her around the park. HV said the same to me but it just wasn't the case for me and my daughter. Hardest time of my life. Lean on your mum when she comes to stay and just try to remember this will not last forever. You have done so well to get this far. Xx

Whattodowithaminute · 29/10/2019 21:54

screening questionnaire for PND

Original poster
doldrums13 · 29/10/2019 22:21

Thank you, I'll ask doctor about silent reflux. I just want to sleep. She's already fed twice since going to bed at nine.

I might try a dummy, she had posterior tongue tie that was missed until she was four months so wouldn't take one when she was younger.

Thank you all for replying. Makes the world seem a little less lonely.

OP posts:
Original poster
doldrums13 · 29/10/2019 22:24

@Whattodowithaminute that's quite scary, I scored 22.

OP posts:
Haworthia · 29/10/2019 22:24

It can be both. For me, PND destroyed my resilience to the point that everything felt too difficult and too much. Everything from basic household stuff to leaving the house. I can imagine six months of sleep torture having a similar effect.

Lean on your mum Flowers

Serenschintte · 29/10/2019 22:27

Reflux suggested here too. Also if her weight gain is good then they may try to fob you off. But don’t let them (or get your Mum in side) it can still be reflux with good weight gain.
Co sleeping didn’t work for me - I woke at every noise and so did Ds. In his own room worked much better.
Sleep as much as you can when your Mum arrives - she will love the extra cuddle with your DD!

bathorshower · 29/10/2019 22:38

In my case it was exhaustion - DD slept marginally better than yours, but it really wasn't great. DH became pretty concerned, and told me he was taking over the nights at when DD turned 6mo - she was waking every 2-3 hours at that point (and yes, he was still going to work). After about a week of much less interrupted sleep, I felt much better. However you'll only get to test this if you have someone (your mum?) who can do the nights for a few days (not sure if you're breastfeeding?), and I appreciate I was very very lucky on that one.

Original poster
doldrums13 · 29/10/2019 23:11

I am breastfeeding but close to packing it in. H is snoring next to me. His contribution to tonight was going to be to sleep on the floor Hmm. Its hard to listen to him tell me how tired he is when he snores that loud.

OP posts:
1300cakes · 29/10/2019 23:11

Sounds like exhaustion to me, how could anyone not be depressed with so little sleep over so long. If anything I think you must be quite resistant to PND to have held out this long.

Whilst I'm sure you are depressed, I think it's unrealistic of HVs etc to diagnose PND as if its unrelated to the sleep situation. Standard PND treatments, eg, medication, therapy, can't make you forget or not care that you haven't slept in six months.

Sorry you are going through this, I don't have any tips that I'm sure you haven't already tried. I hope things improve for you.

Whattodowithaminute · 30/10/2019 06:54

@doldrums13 regardless of the cause of how you are currently feeling I think you should seek medical assistance to help manage your current symptoms. You clearly aren’t feeling at all well at the moment and whilst the sleep deprivation may be the cause it also may not. You need some support to get you through this crisis point-this happens to so many of us-I hope your GP is understanding and that also may trigger some greater support from your partner too Flowers