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Original poster

Relative making comments (digs?) About weight loss?

28 replies

Bumblebee1784 · 25/10/2019 13:44

Basically, I've recently lost some weight. Not a significant amount, roughly 2.5 stone. Most of it intentional but I've also lost some more due to various factors. Healthy BMI so not underweight or anything. I've gone from a 14 to an 8-10. All of this has been since the birth of my youngest baby 5 months ago.

I have a relative that I'm friendly with but haven't seen much as she was living away for work. She's recently moved back and so we've been hanging out lately. The first time we met, I'd lost most of the weight. Since then, I've had constant comments about it, saying I'm practically anorexic, I've wasted away to nothing, must be starving myself, if I lose any more that I'll disappear and so on. What's annoying/upsetting me is the fact she's also saying it to other members of the family and they've started querying whether I'm eating or not.

Before I lost the weight, I basically ate too big a portions and snacked in crap. I've changed nothing except smaller portion sizes and rarely snack. We eat well as a family and cook everything from scratch including pizza, bread, soup, pasta sauce, the odd pudding...I don't touch diet food, everything is full fat with plenty of fruit/vegetables, the odd treat and so on. When I go to visit family and they offer my chocolate/biscuits etc I don't want it so decline it, especially if I've not long had lunch. I'm now getting paranoid that people think I'm starving myself!

Relative who started the comments is quite overweight and lives off takeaway. Her choice and none of my business. I would never say anything to her about her weight yet she not only sees it as okay to comment on mine but also talk about it to other family members. How do I handle this? She's a bit sensitive at the moment as she's had a lot to deal with so I genuinely don't want to upset her but it's really starting to bother me. Especially when I know I'm eating well.

OP posts:
Breathlessness · 25/10/2019 13:49

‘I’m a healthy band of BMI. Please stop talking about my weight.’

Tobebythesea · 25/10/2019 13:55

She’s obviously jealous and is projecting her negative feelings for herself in this way.

I’d try to ignore. Well done you.

Tobebythesea · 25/10/2019 13:56

If you cannot ignore May a private word?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weight management
Flower777 · 25/10/2019 13:57

Why should you ignore it? I’d ask her to stop commenting on your weight. It’s none of her business.

PennyNotSoWise · 25/10/2019 14:02

Well done on the weight loss OP.

The faux concern would piss me off. Honestly, whenever she brings it up I'd just say "I'm eating very well, thanks", very bluntly in the hope she realises she's being a dick.

As long as you're healthy, and you know that, your body is nobody elses business.

Original poster
Bumblebee1784 · 25/10/2019 14:15

Thanks for replies so far. I've tried basically saying I'm a healthy weight or tell her I'm eating well but it falls on deaf ears. Anything lower than a 12 and you're anorexic in her mind. She's mentioned it several times to an elderly relative who I see often but now I'm not accepting chocolates anymore, elderly relative is scrutinising everything. I used to have a major sweet tooth and would eat chocolate biscuits)cake in vast quantities when I was hungry and didn't enjoy it, just because. I still eat all those things but smaller portions/not every day/more mindfully. I just feel they're now watching my every move and j can't say/do anything with food without it being 'monitored'

OP posts:
mencken · 25/10/2019 14:40

see her less - she sounds really, really boring. Why can't some women find anything else to talk about except weight or appearance?

Justmuddlingalong · 25/10/2019 14:43

Perhaps download a copy of the BMI chart and suggest you both look at your and her height /weight ratio.

GrumpyHoonMain · 25/10/2019 14:47

This says more about her than you as she clearly has no idea what a healthy woman should look like. If it’s getting you down then you don’t have any obligation to continue contact - just withdraw and blame the baby.

LittleSweet · 25/10/2019 14:50

The NHS has an online BMI calculator. Do it in front of your relative so they can see you are a healthy weight. Then tell them that you will not discuss it anymore and if they raise the subject again you will not answer again until the subject is changed. Be as blunt as that to make yourself clear.

Bubblesintheair · 25/10/2019 16:26

People are getting so used to seeing overweight people that carrying extra weight is the norm. I can't tell you how many people have called me skinny at size 10 with BMI of 19-20 when I am well covered and certainly not too thin!

BloodyCats · 25/10/2019 16:30

Tell her she’s being boring, repeating the same shite over and over. She must have a boring life if all she can comment on is your weight loss.

parkersnose · 25/10/2019 16:34

I'm not here with any advice but I dare bet she's not really concerned about you and would swap places in a heartbeat. Maybe you need to be a bit more blunt and make reference to your previous weight and that you want to be as healthy as you can and being overweight isn't ideal for a mum of a young baby. (I'm assuming you were only slightly overweight apologies if you weren't)!!

1ToughCookie · 25/10/2019 18:18

I'm like you in every way. I used to be 14 and am now 10. Used to eat too much, have too many sweet things. I find sugar is like an addiction to me. The more I have the more I want. So when people have offered me sweet things I have taken to telling them thanks, but I've already had my sweets today. (Even if I haven't.)

Short of a full on conservation with other relatives, you're best deflecting with "my doctor is very happy with my current condition" responses.

Personally I avoid people who don't listen to me as I don't like the stress.

ViciousJackdaw · 25/10/2019 18:24

Your weight loss (and well done btw, I bet you look great!) is a stark reminder that she is overweight and is doing nothing about it. Digs at you help her to justify her own inaction.

Tell your family that you've cut right back on the crap as you owe it to your DC to be the healthiest mum you can be. That'll shut 'em up!

Drum2018 · 25/10/2019 18:26

'Fuck off' might work.

Isitnearlyweekend · 25/10/2019 19:10

She’s clearly jealous. This is a common thing when people lose weight. She doesn’t sound like the kind of person anyone needs in their life

AntCrawley · 25/10/2019 19:13

5 months after giving birth when you had a sweet tooth, id be thinking pnd.

fuzzymoon · 25/10/2019 19:16

She's projecting her insecurities about being overweight onto you.
Look at her she's ill. She's badly underweight.
This makes her excess weight feel normal to her. It doesn't but it's a mask.
She also knows what you're doing is the right thing to do but making you look like you're doing something wrong masks that. It doesn't.
Well done you. By the way.

RandomMess · 25/10/2019 19:30

"I've change my diet because I was at high rush of developing diabetes"

Might shut her up?

Bigbopboo · 25/10/2019 19:32

Going against the grain here but I think that is a lot of weight to lose in a short space of time post natally.

Are you sure you are ok?

Loveislandaddict · 25/10/2019 19:38

Congratulations on weight loss and baby.

She’s jealous.

CalamityJune · 25/10/2019 19:43

I don't think it's overly rapid. It's approx 2lb per week which is usually the guideline.

I usually hate the "she's just jealous" argument but in this case she probably is. I would be! Well done you. Like me, she knows she could do it too if she put her mind to it but never quite manages to pull her finger out do it.

Camomila · 25/10/2019 19:46

5 months after giving birth when you had a sweet tooth, id be thinking pnd.

I thought it was quite common to suddenly like different foods after having a baby - ie going off something you craved in pregnancy, or not eating something that reminded you of morning sickness.

Span1elsRock · 25/10/2019 19:50

I'd go with "It's lovely that you're so concerned about me, but I feel great and there really is nothing to worry about regarding my health, my Doctor is very pleased with the changes I've made. In fact, would you like me to share some of the things that have worked for me, to see if they work for you?" with a smile, and repeat until you start to piss them right back off.