Do you teach your teenage sons how to run a house?

[wheresmymojo]

Inspired by other threads where men seem to need instructions on 'what needs to be done'.

I also have one of these - happy to do his half and gets on with obvious things like laundry, dishwasher, hoovering.

However he would never think to do things like clean the inside of windows, dust skirting boards (actually probably dust at all), etc.

When I was growing up I was expected to help my DM around the house and she would make sure I'd not overlooked things like this. My stepbrother on the other hand was just asked to do 'outside' jobs like washing the car or bikes.

Do those of you with teenagers give proper housework chores? Not just 'take the bins out' but actually dusting and such like?

Do you give the same chores to the boys and girls or different?

I was drilled in what was required but never actually expected to do it myself. I think the idea was that I would hire a cleaner to instruct. I’m not exactly mad about cleaning but I can do it without instruction when I feel I have to.

I'm always pretty suspicious of the 'oh he doesn't know what to do because his mum didn't show him' argument - it seems like a very convenient way to blame a woman for a man not doing his share. I didn't really do chores as a teenager and I figured it out. If you can learn new tasks for a job then you can learn how to cook and clean. The difference is motivation, not that it's somehow impossible to learn to iron if you didn't do it from the age of seven.

Yes. I make both ds's do it, from an early age.

I rarely clean inside windows. Or do skirtings.

Once we had a bbq. Someone asked Ds2 (quite young at the time) how he was.

"Oh it's been awful he said. We've done nothing but clean for the last few days. I've been down on my hands and knees doing all the skirting boards".

No. My mam never taught me (I was disgustingly messy, too!), then I just instantly figured it out when I moved out. "Running a house" isn't rocket science!

I have to say no one ever taught me to do those things. I worked it out for myself. I do think men in general just don't seem to see the obvious though. I was only asked to do washing up at home. I was taught to use a washing machine, but that was it. I learned to cook at school . I wish my father had taught me to do DIY stuff, I really regret that as I have never been able to paint/fix things etc.

'oh he doesn't know what to do because his mum didn't show him' argument

Well in my case my mother did virtually no cleaning (and yes, this was mostly my mother's job as she was a SAHM and my dad worked away a lot - he did more than his fair share when he was at home) so I was brought up with the idea that running the hoover round quickly once a week and occasionally wiping down the front of the worktops was all that was needed. It wasn't until I moved into a shared house that I realised that actually other people had higher standards and I had to be shown how to hoover round the edges of a room, clean a toilet, mop a kitchen floor etc. Yes, these things are not hard, but if you don't even know they need doing ...

Um I'm currently not working muchoutside the home but I havent seen that equates with wanting to spend more time cleaning!

Dusting... skirting boards... windows!?

My 11yo ds can make his own food, use a washing machine, dishwasher & hoover, and change/make his bed.
But dusting skirting boards - I don’t think I did that until I was about 30. I’m not going to bore him with it now.

Posters who don’t expect their teen DC to do cook or do chores aren’t doing their DC any favours IMO. Met a fair few such DC in house shares.

Yep been teaching ds 9 since he was very young to help and take responsibility. He’s an only child and I won’t be here one day and so it’s important he is able to.

I really hope mother of sons just drill their boys in basic chores I'm not fussed about skirting being dusted

Just the basics, the rolling general work to keep a house basically clean. To be proactive, don't walk past stuff on the floor, pick it up, get washing on, look for stuff to do, hoover floor, don't just hoover the spillage do around it. How to sufficiently clean work surface not drag wet old cold water from dirty sponge over surface... Clean fridge occasionally etc etc etc.

Luckily DH was brought up to be a useful human being and we have treated DD and DS equally regarding helping at home. They are both at Uni now and can cook decent meals, do their laundry, pay bills, clean up etc. Basic parenting?

My 6 year old boy is already being taught the basics.

He puts his dirty laundry in the basket and helps me to hang it out when it's done. He dusts easy things (thinks it's great fun and gets stickers for it), helps clear the table after meal times, and hoovers the bit of floor near his hamsters cage.

He also puts his toys away when he done playing with them and wipes the sink after brushing his teeth.

He's not expected to clean up any mess that isn't his own or that would be too much for him but even at his tender age he is quite capable of being part of the team.

I expect him to be fully capable of looking after himself and helping a reasonable amount around the house by the time he's a teenager. Of course he won't be being asked to dust skirting boards while he's studying for exams etc, but he'll know that it's a job that needs doing every now and then.

I've only got a 3 year old but I don't think its always sexist to give a teenage boy and a teenage girl different jobs (especially if one is 5'1" and another is 5'11"...in my last flat I couldn't reach to change light bulbs even standing on a chair, so DH had to do it.)

Similarly, if someone has excema or allergies I wouldn't always make them wash up/clean the bathroom to make things fair...I'd get them to hoover or dust or something not wet/itchy.

Why is it a badge of honour on here to not keep a clean house?

Where has anyone said they don't keep a clean house?

You can have a perfectly clean home without dusting the skirting boards and cleaning the insides of the windows every week!

Have never dusted skirting boards, occasionally hoover them and do inside of windows if needs be( not often).

I have 3 teens girls/ boys and none of them are that good round the house. Untidy bedrooms they’ll tidy when nagged to. The boys are better than the girl at picking up clothes off floor and putting in laundry which they do daily, ditto keeping room vaguely clear of shite.

They are teens and snowed under. Already nag re phones, homework etc. Not going to start nagging re housework which I only do once a week with dh as a Sat blitz. We all work full time and our house is cosy and cleanish. Kitchen and bath rooms get extra attention as and when needed. We muddle along just fine and prefer to spend time doing other things. All of us have better things to do than dusting skirting boards.

Will give all teens a crash course the summer before uni, it’s not rocket science.

Mine can all cook( heat up beige shite, eggs, noodles) which they taught themselves. They’ll easily teach themselves harder stuff as I did when the time comes. There is a huge array of recipe books and obviously YouTube. They’ve done loads of baking over the years. It really isn’t hard if you can read.

I have a teen DD, younger DD and a 7yo DS. So no teen son yet. For now though, all are expected to help out. Eldest does specific jobs for cash but but other household chores are unpaid. DS's helping doesn't differ to his sisters. All three have to fold laundry and put it away for example. He'll be taught to clean a skirting board just like I'll teach his sisters to check the oil in the car. I suppose it helps that DH is fab round the house and does as much washing as I do. He's not big into DIY but can move a mop round brilliantly . I will keep doing it like this when DS is older. I'd be ashamed to send a son out into the world thinking "women's work" is actually a thing.

We don't give regular chores (most of the time*), but they will be asked to help out with stuff on an ad hoc basis - that might be cooking (to which they sometimes volunteer), raking leaves in the garden, cleaning the bathroom, popping to the baker for bread/rolls. They helped empty and clean the cupboard recently when we had an infestation of flour weevils. Sometimes if I'm doing something in the kitchen I'll get them to come and see how I do it. The aim is for them to become competent all round by just taking part in the things that need to be done. They'll also keep an eye on/play with their little sister as and when.

*In the summer holidays they alternated emptying the dishwasher, which usually dh does before work.

My view is that they will learn (whether male or female) when they need to. I was a lazy so and so at home and did as little as possible. My mother was always very well organised and despite not "practising to be an adult" as a teenager, I manage everything fine. And I think a lot of the time people (men) are "lazy" because they have different views about what is untidy or needs to be done, not because they are male or because their mothers were useless at making them do anything. My mother nagged me constantly and it didn't work. My MIL did everything in her home but my DH is very domesticated. So it really doesn't follow.

There seems to be a view among some MNers that you need to be taught to do everything. Maybe with something like cooking - it's useful to be taught hints and tricks. And not to put dark clothes in with light clothes. But generally you learn when you have to.

No my children do not do any chores apart from takeing his own dog out and I feel sorry for him doing that. Or he makes me feel sorry for him! The eldest 3 have left home now and their flats are spotless. I don't think it matters much as they are at school all day and when they get back it's homework. I have a small kitchen so they have not ever washed up and I don't like my washing michene being touched by anyone. I do all the work in my house. I can't change a plug though. The boy's do that!

I think it matters less as to how much house related tasks they do as they are growing up, but that boys and girls aren’t treated differently so there isn’t another generation of husbands and fathers who can’t and won’t do their share of childcare and home related jobs.

"But generally you learn when you have to."

As the parent of a DC at university I can categorically say that this approach simply doesn't work. In DD's flat there are three of them who clean and tidy up after themselves in the kitchen. The other five leave it like a pigsty. While I didn't "teach" DD how to do stuff I encouraged her to know how to separate washing, cook, wash up etc.

There's a difference between Uni students knowing how to do stuff and them actually doing it.
It's quite possible that they know full well what to do but are too lazy to do it. That's a different problem.

DS1 lives in a house of 7 (male and female) students and they all keep the house clean and tidy between them.