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Original poster

Help me change my life

41 replies

Pondaring · 19/10/2019 18:17

I'm not happy with my life, but don't know what I want, let alone how to change it.
Has anyone changed their life?

Can any of you help me change mine?

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 19/10/2019 18:22

Well, what's wrong with it? You don't give us much information. In the past, I've left my job, walked out of my home/relationship, and gone off to do a degree, but that might not be relevant for you.

Original poster
Pondaring · 19/10/2019 18:26

Well, what's wrong with it? You don't give us much information.

This is a bit strange, but I feel as though questions would be helpful. Like, if I present the information it'll just be repeating the thinking I've already done (and done and done). Does that make sense? It's as though I would benefit from a fresh pair of eyes.

OP posts:
Historydweeb · 19/10/2019 18:27

What makes you happy? Work out what that is first, then try and do more of it.
I found going to uni as a mature student changed my life so much and in so many ways.

Original poster
Pondaring · 19/10/2019 18:36

What makes you happy? Work out what that is first, then try and do more of it.

Yes, I can't figure that out.

What makes me happy? Eating. Staying at home. But beyond that I can't remember.

OP posts:
Stickyuptail · 19/10/2019 18:42

I don’t think you can really expect posters to think up a load of questions. It could go on for pages that way without anyone asking anything helpful. It would be more constructive to outline the things you are unhappy with if posters are going to have a chance of helping you identify what you might do make things better,

QuaterMiss · 19/10/2019 18:43

What are the limiting factors that would make change difficult?

SamBeckett · 19/10/2019 18:52

Do you have / would you like pets . They make my life happy

Ylvamoon · 19/10/2019 18:54

Do you have a hobby?
What do you do to relax?

Original poster
Pondaring · 19/10/2019 18:57

What are the limiting factors that would make change difficult?

That's a good question. Erm. I feel trapped by a lack of direction, but otherwise I have lots going for me. I am pretty healthy, own my home, I'm only 40. Erm... my mind goes blank.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pondaring · 19/10/2019 18:59

@SamBeckett I would love to have a dog again, I really would but my job prevents it. And to be honest I am not ready for such a commitment again.

OP posts:
Cuddlysnowleopard · 19/10/2019 18:59

My dc's headteacher always says, "outside the comfort zone is where the magic happens".

Bit cheesy, but I think there is truth in it. If all you want to do is to stay at home and eat, set yourself a challenge outside of your home and aim for it.

Ounce · 19/10/2019 19:03

Your life is utterly pointless - just like everyone else's.

Take a week off work and sit on your own in a silent, empty room until that penny properly drops. Then you'll be at peace.

Aozora13 · 19/10/2019 19:04

When were you happiest in your life, and what was it about that time/situation that made you happy?

Also you say you want to change but are you prepared to do things differently even if it’s more difficult at first?

Original poster
Pondaring · 19/10/2019 19:06

@Ylvamoon I dance one evening a week, that's good exercise and good company.

I'm a member of a gym and drag/guilt myself there twice a week. I used to go regularly to do weightlifting and body balance and spin but I've completely lost my mojo. I find that I just want to stay in bed instead.

To relax? I go to bed or have a hot bath. I walk. I meditate.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pondaring · 19/10/2019 19:10

"outside the comfort zone is where the magic happens"

I think that this has some truth as well. I left home at 16 and was so driven, I worked my way through A levels and University. I travelled around Africa. I built a successful career before I was 30. Now I'm 40 and find myself feeling like this. Just 'meh'.

Your life is utterly pointless - just like everyone else's. Take a week off work and sit on your own in a silent, empty room until that penny properly drops. Then you'll be at peace.

I think to some extent I agree with that. I don't believe in any gods, I don't believe in fate. I believe that we create our own purpose and that it's important to be kind, think kind and do kindness with our actions.

OP posts:
ilovethatshow · 19/10/2019 19:13

Do you have any dependents/a partner that you have to factor in to your future life change?

mintcorneto · 19/10/2019 19:13

Do some volunteer work

Original poster
Pondaring · 19/10/2019 19:14

When were you happiest in your life, and what was it about that time/situation that made you happy?

I was happiest in my early thirties. Striving and successful in my career, making peace with childhood shit in therapy, had a beautiful dog and was in a long-term relationship with a wonderful man. He left me a few years ago and I guess since then I've been trying to work out my Plan B.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pondaring · 19/10/2019 19:17

Do you have any dependents/a partner that you have to factor in to your future life change?

No children at all, no elderly relatives. I have a lovely partner and we live quite independent lives. By that I mean, no plans to have a family together, no plans to build a business together, if you see what I mean. I was quite symbiotic with my ex, and this relationship is much healthier in terms of us each having our own paths in life.

OP posts:
JMAngel1 · 19/10/2019 19:18

@Ounce
Possibly the funniest post ever on MN

Cuddlysnowleopard · 19/10/2019 19:19

I think I get it, actually. 40's are a funny age, and mid life crisis is a real thing. If you've spent your life throwing yourself into stuff, achieving etc, you can get to your 40s and think, what the fuck was that all for.

I nearly had an affair - didn't, because I do have self control, but I was very tempted, simply because it made me feel I've again.

This autumn hasn't helped. It's come too quick. I'm dealing with lots of depressed clients at the moment.

Can you get away for a weekend somewhere sunnier?

Original poster
Pondaring · 19/10/2019 19:19

@mintcorneto I volunteer every week at a local allotment. I set up and run a small project with recently arrived refugees.

Thank you everyone. I am finding these questions very helpful.

OP posts:
Cuddlysnowleopard · 19/10/2019 19:20

Alive again... sorry, autocorrect

Meshy23 · 19/10/2019 19:20
  • are you depressed rather than unhappy? If so do speak to a professional.!
  • are you bored rather than unhappy?
  • are you lonely? If so, in what way?
  • are you tired (and lacking mojo) rather than unhappy? Wanting to sit in and eat indicates you are.
  • do you think you are having a so called mid life crisis?
  • if so, what did you imagine your life would be like now- and how is it worse/different? You can change it
  • where do you see yourself next year, in 5 years, in 10?
  • on your death bed what would be your biggest regret (of things you didn’t do)?
  • anything on your bucket list?
  • what did you enjoy when you were younger? Walking, reading? Playing? Anything that you can enjoy now?
- go away on a trip for a while and just listen to yourself. Or meet people, forget your troubles for a while, talk to people and get a new perspective on life.
  • meditate at home. Or go to a meditation or yoga class for some peace.
Ylvamoon · 19/10/2019 19:22

... I built a successful career before I was 30. Now I'm 40 and find myself feeling like this. Just 'meh '.
^
This, you need a new goal!
Anything you want to do in your bucket list? Something to safe up for? Change careers. Learn something new? - Do an OU course and become a (insert new challenge here).

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