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Help me change my life

41 replies

Pondaring · 19/10/2019 18:17

I'm not happy with my life, but don't know what I want, let alone how to change it.
Has anyone changed their life?

Can any of you help me change mine?

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Pondaring · 19/10/2019 19:23

I think I get it, actually. 40's are a funny age, and mid life crisis is a real thing. If you've spent your life throwing yourself into stuff, achieving etc, you can get to your 40s and think, what the fuck was that all for.

Yes. To want to feel alive again.

We had a lovely week away in Greece last month. I absolutely love the chance to lie in the sun and read lots of books. I'm not sure I could go away far for the weekend, but do have a couple of weekends away planned with DP before Christmas.

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Aozora13 · 19/10/2019 19:24

What about your work? I just started a new job after being made redundant and it’s made me realise how stale and ground down I’d become in my old organisation.

Pondaring · 19/10/2019 19:33

These are great @Meshy23. You should be a life coach!

are you depressed rather than unhappy? If so do speak to a professional

It's just a feeling of ennui. Persistent ennui. I am still in therapy.

are you bored rather than unhappy?

I am definitely bored in my (very comfortable, very well-paid) job. I've condensed my hours in to four days.

are you lonely? If so, in what way?

Yes. I am often very, very lonely in that kind of way you feel lonely in a crowd? I miss the love I had for my dog. I try to fill the hole with volunteering and socialising and keeping busy. And eating. And sleepin

are you tired (and lacking mojo) rather than unhappy? Wanting to sit in and eat indicates you are

Yes, in a kind of listless way. Although I also feel drained by suddenly being menopausal and fat.

do you think you are having a so called mid life crisis?

I wish. At least then I'd be doing something.

if so, what did you imagine your life would be like now- and how is it worse/different? You can change it

I guess I was always driven by getting to the top of my career. Now I've been here for a bit.

where do you see yourself next year, in 5 years, in 10?

I can't see anything.

on your death bed what would be your biggest regret (of things you didn’t do)?

Wow. I need to think about that.

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Pondaring · 19/10/2019 19:35

*This, you need a new goal!

I've spent the last three years studying part time. It was expensive and very challenging alongside a full time job but there's no work in it. In someways I wonder if I've burnt out a bit with everything I had going on.

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Pondaring · 19/10/2019 19:36

What about your work? I just started a new job after being made redundant and it’s made me realise how stale and ground down I’d become in my old organisation.

I think this is it. I need to pluck up the courage to give up my well-paid job. But then I think, stick it out for a couple of years, get some savings behind me.

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HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo · 19/10/2019 19:39

I felt like this. Was in a real slump. I started a thread on here about it. Then I started taking St John’s Wort and a very strong Vitamin D and my mojo is back!

SamBeckett · 19/10/2019 19:40

If you like the idea of having dog but can not commit full time how about helping at a rescue center or join WalkMyDog

Pondaring · 19/10/2019 19:42

- anything on your bucket list?

Nope.

what did you enjoy when you were younger? Walking, reading? Playing? Anything that you can enjoy now?

I used to enjoy personal fitness. I used to love walking, but plantar fasciitis really limits me nowadays.

go away on a trip for a while and just listen to yourself. Or meet people, forget your troubles for a while, talk to people and get a new perspective on life.

This really appeals too. In fact I've got this image in my head of wanting to spend time in a forest, and so I've booked a couple of days off to make a long weekend for this.

meditate at home. Or go to a meditation or yoga class for some peace.

I do find this very helpful. It's funny. Today I've had a real resistance to doing it. I guess my mind is racing.

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Pondaring · 19/10/2019 19:43

I felt like this. Was in a real slump. I started a thread on here about it. Then I started taking St John’s Wort and a very strong Vitamin D and my mojo is back!

I'm a bit sceptical about supplements, but I'll look in to both of these. I am currently trying Intermittent Fasting and reckon my sleep and moods have improved.

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Pondaring · 19/10/2019 19:45

If you like the idea of having dog but can not commit full time how about helping at a rescue center or join WalkMyDog

Yeah, I used to volunteer with Guide Dogs until the Spring. I gave it up because I realised I was stretching myself too thin, keeping busy, busy, busy and it was effecting my mental health.

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Aozora13 · 19/10/2019 19:50

I think this is it. I need to pluck up the courage to give up my well-paid job. But then I think, stick it out for a couple of years, get some savings behind me.

I don’t know your wider circumstances but maybe it’s time to hit the fuck it button - it’s easy to get caught in the “the time’s not quite right now” trap and keep putting things off.

What would you do if you weren’t doing what you do now? (If that even makes sense!)

Blueshadow · 19/10/2019 19:53

Are you sure you don’t want to commit to another dog? It sounds like you might be able to give a rescue dog a really good home.

Ylvamoon · 19/10/2019 19:53

In fact I've got this image in my head of wanting to spend time in a forest, ....

You need to visit Białowieża Forest! It's a very special place and not that easy to get to... but if you manage it might just inspire you to do something new.
I haven't been but it's no 3 in my list! (... after the Inca trail & the alpine crossing).

Pondaring · 19/10/2019 19:54

I don’t know your wider circumstances but maybe it’s time to hit the fuck it button

Shit. I think you're right.

I need to do some serious thinking don't I? I need an Escape Plan.

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Pondaring · 19/10/2019 20:00

Are you sure you don’t want to commit to another dog? It sounds like you might be able to give a rescue dog a really good home.

It's just a responsibility that I take very seriously and I know it's not a commitment I can make long term right now. But I am beginning to take seriously how significant that dog-shaped hole in my life is.

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Pondaring · 19/10/2019 20:02

Białowieża Forest

This looks right up DP's street too!

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