Talking to your baby in another language

[Imtootired]

Hi, this might sound a bit weird. I’ve been learning a second language for a few years now. I absolutely love it but I’m definitely not fluent yet. I’m having a baby soon and was thinking about speaking to my baby in the other language some of the time. Obviously not all the time. My uni tutor in my language classes was talking to me about this and was saying he does it with his nephew and it’s great. It is supposed to be very good for brain development. I’m just not sure about it because for a start the language doesn’t come naturally to me yet and everyone else we know will be speaking English. I was thinking of getting one of those “1000 words in” books and maybe taking him to a playgroup where they speak this language. Just not sure whether I’ll confuse him if we’re mixing up the languages. Has anyone done anything like this?

I don’t think it’s going to confuse him, but if the language doesn’t come natural to you yet then there’s really no need to have any high expectations here or to take it too seriously - just have fun with it and see how you get on. But too be honest - I’m bilingual and still only speak to my DS in English most of the time. We have a couple of books in my other language and have watched a film or two but I don’t make anywhere near as much of an effort to speak it to him as I thought I would - it just feels a bit odd and not very natural.

Yes I shouldn’t over think it I guess. I was just worried I might confuse him with two different words for each thing eg. Car, tree, types of food. I’ll just see how I go and what comes naturally. That’s interesting about you speaking to your son. It might be different if you go visiting or on holiday where everyone speaks it.

It won't confuse him to get a book of 1000 words, but it's generally not advised to speak to your kids in a language that's not your own. I live in a community where kids speak a few languages and when they're spoken to by a parent in one the parent isn't native in, it often ends up with difficulties. Strange accents and odd grammatical mistakes are usually the main issues...

If you want him to learn another language you'd be far better off watching children's programmes in it - YouTube can help there.

Sorry just to add it's FAR harder to undo the errors learned from non native speakers as a child than to learn correctly later.

DH is fluent French, when we spoke to friends about it, they said it doesn't really work unless it is your mother tongue.

Yes I think that makes sense. My tutor is great in the language. He’s spent lots of time there and done his PhD in it. Plus he would see his nephew a lot less than I would see my own child. I’ll definitely get a few books and put some cartoons on YouTube for him and he’ll probably be better than me within a few years

as long as the words
and sentences you are teaching him are grammatically correct then go for it.

I don't think it would work on its own . Are there any playgroups or schools in the language where you are?

Yes I’ve found one playgroup not too far from me online. I’m sure it will mostly be families from that country but usually people are flattered that you love their culture and language so I’m hoping we will be welcome there. I’m hoping to go on a holiday when my baby is just under two and I have a dream where he can say a few words and understand what people are saying and the locals being very impressed.

Saying that as a european living in the uk
Don’t do it.
You might love the language but your accent will be BRITISH and you will make many grammatical mistakes etc.... (fwiw I’ve been in the U.K. for 30 years and have a master degree done in the U.K. and I STILL make some mistakes - pronunciation, grammar or expressions I have never heard. Now it’s my teens that correct me!)

The other side of the coin is that, for it to be of any benefit for your child, you will need to speak to them all/most of them in that language. I suspect you are going to find that harder than you think.

It’s a lovely idea on paper but I suspect you dint realise how hard it would be to do so.

And your dc being confused betwen the languages is the least of your concern, as anyone who raised their dc bilingual will tell you.

FWIW your tutor having a PhD in that language and being fluent will not experience the same issues than you will..... nor will you be able to give your dc the same support and teach them how to speak in the same way.

@Heynotinmyname thanks you have lots of valid points. I’m actually Australian so I don’t know if that’s worse than British for pronounciation of a European language haha. I might have to keep thinking about the best way to do this. I’m going to continue studying the language and it would be great to practice with my baby but I’m definitely not at the level of speaking it all the time. And I have an older son who unfortunately is not that interested in learning but I don’t want to make him feel left out. Playgroup might be nice still though as the kids will just say simple things to each other and hopefully he can learn from the others

That’s interesting about you speaking to your son. It might be different if you go visiting or on holiday where everyone speaks it.

@Imtootired yes I completely agree. The thing is my dad is British and my mum always spoke to me in her native language, unless my dad or other English speakers were in the conversation. Talking to her in English when it’s just us would be really weird. She now lives quite far away so my DS doesn’t see her very often - but when she is around I do speak my mums language around him and with him, so obviously if she lived closer we would have been doing that more often and then it would have become more of a habit perhaps. I think the thing is many people who grew up with more than one language did so in the context of their setting, so having to speak different languages with different people as I did for example, not because one person was speaking two languages with them. I don’t think it would be confusing at all but I do think there’s only so far you will get with it in terms of fluency (I’m afraid I would think not very.) But I have no doubt it can be great fun - and with small children I always think that should be the main objective

I'm very interested in this also. English is my mother tongue but I am basically fluent in another language having spent many years living abroad and would like to teach my baby son that language (I'm a month off birth). But everything I have heard about raising a child bilingual involves having two parents who each speak to their child in their mother tongue. And realistically I am going to speak more to him in mine, especially as I am now back in the Uk.

Is the best thing to do to just treat the second language as that and start teaching them a bit at an early age, rather than aim at bilingualism? And if so, how young should you start?

My mother spoke English to me growing up as it is her mother tongue but as she was a French teacher, she also just to drop in some French songs, she would read us French children's books and the like. I was always aware of French and that speaking French was a fun thing to do. I think it is a good idea to bring in aspects of the language you are learning with your child as he/she grows. Maybe not with the aim of making him/her bilingual, but open to other languages and to think they are interesting and fun.

I know some people who do not speak their native language to their children. They are speakers of a minority language who have learnt as adults and want their children to grow up as bilingual speakers. So I would disagree with this idea that you should only speak in your native language to your children. I just don't think that is true.

The question isn’t just about whether you only speak your native language to your child.
When my dcs were little, I spoke only in my language because I was determined that they would be bilingual. I now speak to them both in English and in my mother tongue.

I also know people who speak mainly or only in English to their dcs despite the fact it’s not their mother tongue. But they are living in England and are basically wanting to ensure their dcs are fully integrated in the English/BRITISH society.
What doesn’t change is the fact that those children sometimes are learning the wrong expression, the wrong way to say sounds/words (my dcs teachers have mentioned often that my dcs didn’t pronounce the sound R right for example). I have never been able to really help them with phonics either etc etc...

So yes you can speak English to your child when it’s not your native language but it’s never going to be the same than if you are native speaker (even if you are bilingual yourself). There has been many studies to show that it leads to children having a poorer vocabulary and struggling more with litteracy for example.

Now if you want to give a flavour of a language it’s another thing completely. But you need to know that’s what you are doing and you also have to wonder if this is worth the effort (because it will be an effort on your side).

Where I live in London you can take them to playgroup in French, Spanish, German, Italian, Mandarin, Cantonese; the list goes on! I find it more fun than singing the same nursery rhymes everyday, at least I'm learning something new

It's so much easier now. You can watch YouTube in other languages, also some Netflix stuff is as well, plus you can order films, books etc online.

I think you could give it a go. The Dutch kids I knew learnt a lot of English from watching TV - as well as from school where they don't wait like we do.

I speak more than one language but speak English with my children as that is my native tongue.

I do think it's a great idea to start them very early with other languages, though that said, I have a friend who is Polish and although she has lived in the UK for about 15 years, both her accent is strong and her grammar is awful.

She only speaks English with her children and they have consequently very strange English for native speakers and now have extra tutors to try and undo some of the 'damage'.

Make sure your child has lots of access to native speakers and you'll do fine. Just don't take it too seriously. For now.
Also see if you can live in the other country for a while, 6-12 months maybe, that'll make a massive difference.

I speak Welsh to my DD. I learnt it in school and it became quite rusty but because I teach her such basic phrases it is good practice. I waited until she has a good grasp of English before repeating the Welsh phrasing with the English like "sit down .. welsh translation.. sit down". It is how I was taught in school.

What's the language?

I am fluent in another language.

Before I had children. I was convinced that I would chat to my newborn in my 2nd language, and he/she would grow up to be fluent in another language.

The reality? DD was the most sweet/calm baby ever ...unless I spoke to her in my other language. Then she would scream like a banshee being peeled and then dipped in salt!

Every time.

Anyone who has ever had a screaming baby knows you will do almost anything to make it stop!

My DD is NOT bilingual.

I've got a friend who does this. She is a native English speaker, and is fairly fluent in her second language as she lived for a couple of years in a country where it is spoken. Her DD is three and she reads her books in the language and I think they watch some TV too. The wee girl has picked up a lot of vocabulary and can answer questions, i.e. if asked to point to something on the page.
Obviously as she is still so young it's hard to know how much else she'll be able to learn (toddler book vocabulary will only get you so far!) or how much she will retain of the language in the future. But she seems to be learning and enjoying it for now.

I find it a shame that non-native English speakers don’t use/teach their dc the language. I encounter it all the time at school. I understand because often the other parent doesn’t speak that language.

A friend brought her youngest up bilingual because his dad was Welsh. She learned it/taught it, so I think it can be done, but I think you need to be pretty much bilingual yourself. It’s tricky if you’re not.

What about advertising for a native speaker babysitter - with the Uni there are likely to be a few students around (unless it's distance).

There's a big difference between non-native speakers who aren't totally fluent speaking their foreign language to their kid whilst living in the country of their mother tongue (Brit in UK speaking non-fluent German to kid) and a foreigner living in the U.K. speaking English to their kid.

Remember too if you're wanting it so your child goes on holiday and can speak to people, they can learn WAY faster than you a few phrases later on before you go. And kids seem to speak a universal language anyway so they somehow manage to communicate with a few words and playing!