Worrying behaviour and comment by dd's school friend. Reported, but now worrying I've done the wrong thing

[conernedbutcautious]

Hi,

Name changed for this, as it could be very outing. I've already tried to get some rl advice.

Dd comes home from school yesterday and seems very on edge and upset. I kept asking her what was wrong, but she said she couldn't say. I backed off for a while, hoping she'd tell me in her own time and then an hour or so later she came up to me and said that she needed to talk to me and that it was about her friend.

Apparently she's been playing episodes of Naked Attraction during break times, for her and her friends to view. This is obviously incredibly inappropriate and not so much the nakedness, but the dialogue. Don't get me wrong, I've watched and giggled at few episodes myself, but do I want my or any other 12 year old watching it? Not so much! As I said, it's the conversation that's the worst bit. Comments such as "do you reckon you could fit that penis in your mouth" or the latest one I saw "I'd like that foot in my vagina" are obviously 100% not appropriate for school kids!

However, on a more worrying note, the girl in question, said that she watches the show with her dad every week and he said she should go on it. This is creepy as hell, right? So I called the school anonymously and reported it to the safeguarding team. I reported it as a general concern, due to the fact any dc could be accessing this stuff at school, which I know is actually incredibly difficult to police, due to 4G, but mainly as a student safety concern with the girl. I explained what had happened and she did seem to take it seriously and said she'd chat to the girl, but would also need to contact the dad.

Of course, best case scenario this girl has made it all up and just needs a sharp shock to understand that if you spread these lies, innocent people can get into a lot of trouble. But then, what if it's true? What if her dad really is a horrible person? He's not going to admit it, is he? What if he then takes his anger out in this girl? I can't bear the thought.

Please, tell me I've done the right thing.

GOT is not suitable for a 12 yo.

You’ve definitely done the right thing

DrAllcome

But @Windydaysuponus**
My dd's male friend told me he watches GOT during irregular contact time with his dm.
Very worrying imo.

Are you referring to Game of Thrones?? Why is a 12yr+ watching that “very worrying”?

I don't think WindyDay said how old the boy in question was, but if he is around 12, I really don't think GOT is at all appropriate?! It's full of nudity, sex and violence, hardly what I would want my 12-year-old watching.

Dd and her friend are 12. He hardly sees his dm and the best thing she can come up with is watching GOT. Bizarre...

If anyone has ANY concern that a child may be the victim of abuse of ANY kind they should report it EVERY TIME.

Don't ever reproach yourself for doing the right thing, OP.

You did the right thing.

@DoctorAllcome
Are you referring to Game of Thrones?? Why is a 12yr+ watching that “very worrying”?
Maybe because it’s an 18 with violent rape scenes!

I reported DD2’s friend to the school and social services (social services as the school took no notice of my saying that friend was dry humping my 6 year old and telling her that she licked her Dad’s willy “like a lollipop”). She was being sexually abused and was taken into foster care that week. Please don’t ignore - follow your gut instinct.

Always think 'what if I'm right' not 'what if I'm wrong' that's what I learnt in child protection training.

You did the right thing!

You did the right thing. Watching that with her Dad is deeply disturbing.

You did the right thing.

You totally did the right thing.

I hope shes ok. If her dads been.letting her watch that hes either a complete idiot or hes grooming her.

Well done. That cant have been easy

I understand your fear. I once rang social services over a little girl who I had concerns about (not sexual abuse, but neglect). I spoke to a social worker who listened to my concerns and then read them back to me twisting them into something else entirely. 3 times I had to repeat my concern and then they went and told the child's family who had called them and that was that, the child wasn't allowed near me again.
But I don't regret expressing my concerns, I just regret the way it was handled by them.

The school and safeguarding people will be very well aware of the danger of the father reacting badly. I think you have to leave it to them to take the appropriate precautions.

This is not normal. I would ring children’s social care and the Police who will jointly investigate it with them. This will involve going to see the child away from the home environment to see if she discloses anything. If she does then they will begin an investigation. If she doesn’t disclose anything other than what she told your daughter then the family including the father, will be spoken to. Please don’t leave it just with the school. It sounds very much like something could either be happening, or he is grooming her with a view to something happening.

You've absolutely done the right thing.

Just noticed my username 🙄 Obviously meant *concerned.

@Isitnearlytheweekend, do you think? I would have thought that the school will go down that route of there are any alarm bells..

she watches the show with her dad every week and he said she should go on it.

This is sexual abuse OP. I'm a childminder and if one of the kids I look after told me this I'd have no hesitation in reporting it. You did absolutely the right thing for this girl (and your daughter and their friends).

I wouldn't immediately assume her dad actually is letting her watch it, DS once told his teacher he'd been watching horror movies and even described a few to her. The teacher obviously called me to discuss it and he absolutely had not been watching any of them, they're weren't even films we had in the house, it turned out he'd pieced together the basic plotlines based on adverts, reading the blurb on the backs of DVDs at the shops, and conversations he had overhead here and there.

The teacher did the right thing though in acting on it because he could have been viewing those films somewhere and I could have been totally unaware or I could have even been the one showing him them, she didn't know and she had a dity of care to DS to follow it up.

You did the right thing reporting it and hopefully it's just a case of this child making things up (watching it with her dad) to try and appear 'cool'or 'grown up' and having rubbish parental controls on her internet access.

So I was talking more to my dd earlier and she was saying that her friend talks about sex a lot, generally. This in itself isn't automatically a red flag, but I suppose when you put it with everything else, it doesn't look good.

You did the right thing.

Safeguarding says “what if I’m right” . The school should take this seriously and follow their safeguarding policies.

Talking about sex a lot at age 12, and the comments she made, are alarming. Are kids just growing up faster these days? I don’t think I had heard of half the sexual stuff at age 16, never mind 12, but then we have the internet to thank for this

My sil had a friend (no longer in touch, moved back home to Wales) who was years into counseling as their dad (this was her and her brother)used to make them, amongst other general abuse, all sit in bed naked and watch porn.

No one reported them.until she had a massive breakdown in late teens and it came out.

If it seems wrong, refer it on.

Better to be wrong and it's nothing, than not report and it be something sinister. I wish my friends parents had reported to school and social workers about me, instead of just telling her to stay away from me.