I can't congratulate her.

[LilyJade]

One of my friends who I don't see very often shared an obviously pregnant photo of herself on Facebook today.
I should congratulate her. I am glad for her. She is 39, no other DC & newly married, it's come as a happy surprise for her.
But I can't.
I feel sick with envy.

Im 43. I'm childless & single. I can't care for a baby alone as I have serious MH problems & can't adopt or foster. I don't want to work with children as it would hurt me too much. I probably won't have nieces or nephews.

I want to congratulate my pregnant friend but it sticks in my throat. I've congratulated & congratulated other women now I can't any more. I know it means I'm a cow.
When I joined Mumsnet I thought I would soon become a mum too.

I even saw a peri natal psychiatrist who said I should stay on my meds if I get pregnant (which could cause the baby to have heart defects) & should be in a stable relationship (ha ha). Oh and I would probably get pre or post natal depression & psychosis anyway.

I used to think I would kill myself if I couldn't have a baby but I don't want to do that anymore. I just feel a sadness underlying everything that won't go away. My psychiatrist knows how I feel.

Please don't suggest hobbies, travel etc etc I do what I can of all that but it does not replace having your own family.

Thisistheend Did you mean to be so flippant, heartless and frankly cruel to a poster who is so obviously struggling.

Having pets is nothing like creating a family of your own and thoughts of over population and burdensome babies mean nothing when your very soul is broken due to the emptiness of desperately wanting a family and not achieving it.

Perhaps, if you can't find it in yourself to by empathetic and thoughtful in response to such a honest and clearly struggling poster, you could stay off her thread?

I suggest that you make your bed the cosiest place in the world. Mine his five duvets and six pillows. When you get into bed and pull up the covers you will feel warm and safe, and you can tell your thoughts to be kind to you, and not to think about anyone else.

And during the awake times, don't think you 'have to' do anything. It's ok to be you.

At this point, I would put an x, but I'm a MNer and we don't do that. Have some , and .

@JustAnotherSod well said

Completely understand, felt the same after an unwanted termination. I was a cow to my sister during her pregnancy. Felt awful about it but at the same time couldn't help myself, the bitterness was so great.
No words of advice to offer really, perhaps your friend will understand your position, or not notice, or be hurt. Maybe just say that's such lovely news - which is still kind but less gung-ho cheery than congrats?

Not very mumsnetty, but I'd give you a hug if I could OP

I am sorry, OP. No advice but lots of love to you.
Since you don't see her very often, you don't even need to acknowledge seeing the photo for now, if at all.

It's just devastating and you can be as sad and angry as you want. It doesn't help that so many people (even some on this thread) seem to give so little consideration to your feelings. There is a support group that often gets mentioned on threads like this. I can't remember the name but hopefully someone will post it soon. I hope you eventually find a pathway through life that gives you some comfort

If you send a congrats comment, make sure you unsubscribe from notifications straight after.

Life can be unbearably unfair.

Don't feel bad. Your feelings are valid. There's no rule that you must congratulate her on her post. Hide it from your timeline, and maybe when you've processed the news you can send her a message in a few days.

Take care of yourself xx

OP. You don't have to be happy for other people if it's going to break you. I've been in mental states where I've had to back away from people and just keep my head down because it was more than I could take to engage. It happens.

Can you pretend not to have noticed? If not for the whole of the next4 or 5 months (I'm assuming if there's a visible bump she's round about half way) then at least for a few weeks/month or so until you think you might be in a place to say something.

And sometimes we just can't cope, and that's okay. It's very sad, but sometimes friendships just do come to an end because one or other person's life circumstances change so much that the friendship becomes untenable. Try not to beat yourself up about it.

Im so sorry, LilyJade, that is sad. You sound lovely. I'm not going to suggest anything, I expect you're fed up of suggestions but I will say, in time, you will accept and accommodate this and find a measure of happiness. Another door will open but we don't know when will be right now. You're still young, LilyJade.

Do you have an interesting job?

Say something nice to your friend and maybe come off social media for a while. Reading back I see others have suggested the same.

Look after yourself well, physically and mentally.

Also, OP, your mental health may not be great now, but if you work on yourself, in the future you may be able to have children, so don't give up. Stop focusing on other people and focus on yourself.

I think that support group is called Gateway Women

JustAnother. Pets are very like children. They need love, nurturing and looking after, and become part of people's families. Lots of people who can't have children, find fulfilment in caring for animals.

thisistheend- will you just STOP it.

She will be swamped with messages. I would unfollow her. You have to do what's best for you.

Jesus wept, thisistheend, could you please stop digging.

thisisthened, please stop. OP doesn't need your "suggestions" right now.