Does anyone else really hate themselves?

[CannotCopeWithIt]

I have noone to talk to about the way I really feel about myself. I guess I am ashamed to speak to people about it.

The thing that I hate about myself is that I am too quiet/ shy . I literally freeze when I'm in asocial situation esp in new situations. Since I could remember I have hated being like this and have wanted to not live because of it. I do have social anxiety and I have never known a life without it. I wish I was someone else.

I am sure I must come across rude/ disinterested/ unfriendly/ aloof but I so desperately want to talk to people and chat and just be bloody normal. Instead I am just socially awkward and I hate myself for it. I honestly don't know how I can live like this. Id rather be dead. This is no way for someone to live.

OP that really is no reason to hate yourself.

I am the opposite. When I’m nervous I gabble away and then put my foot in it. I wish I was more like you!

Do you know why you’re so shy? What are you afraid of?

I'm exactly the same @CannotCopeWithIt.

I’m exactly the same. Am socially awkward and am useless at talking to people. I do hate myself although not for this reason so I can understand how you feel

I was very similar to you op for years.
A couple of years ago I turned a corner.

In short, I’d been through a lot and I would ruminate about what others would think / whether I’d upset other people etc etc. That took up a hell of a lot of headspace And I was sick of it. I said to myself that I was accepting myself as I was and if others couldn’t accept that then that was their problem. I did this so I could move on from the issue mentally.

From that point, I started to like myself and my confidence and abilities with people have grown.

I would say that your starting point is to like yourself. Accept yourself as the product of your life experience to date, for better or worse. I get that might be hard but You really have nothing to be ashamed about. It really is pretty common to have feelings like yours, you absolutely are not alone.

Good luck in moving forward.

Yep. I'm short, very fat, very ugly and I have Aspergers so I'm rubbish at controlling myself. I've realised I act like a kid at work (new job) constantly playing to the gallery and I can't shut myself up. They all think I'm hilarious but that's going to wear off. And I'm also rubbish at dealing with people. I can't make proper conversation and constantly go over what I said and drive myself mad analysing it.

So all in all yes, I totally hate myself. Always have.

coatlessinspokane oh god! Don't wish you were like me! Honestly I'd rather be like you who might on occasion put your foot in it. I don't even know what I'm scared of. I've been like this since I was very very young. I can't see a way out and I honestly don't think it's worth living a life like this. Everyday is torture for me.

Rubychard what you says makes sense but how do you start to like yourself. I just can't accept the way that I am. I want to be someone else. I have felt suicidal about this in the past. It has had such a massive hindrance in my life from relationships to career. I've been in low entry jobs all my life because I can't do any better.

Rockbird I've started a new job recently too and I constantly have a feeling of how they must really regret hiring me. I feel so embarrassed.

Your colleagues must really love you if you're making then laugh! That's an amazing quality your have right there.

Yes, I loathe the way I look and also, people see me as very capable and confident. I'm convinced that one day I'll be found out and they'll all realise how useless I really am.
Hating yourself is HARD WORK isn't it?

fartingrainbows imposter syndrome- that sucks too.

It has a name? This pleases me in an odd sort of way.

I don't hate myself but sometimes I become discouraged by my inability to do things I want to do that seem to come easily to most people. But you would feel better if you try to extend the compassion you have for others to yourself. If a friend had your problems you wouldn't hate or despise them but try to support them and get them help, meanwhile you would recognise their good qualities and not let those be overlooked.

Rockbird I feel you! Every time someone says something nice about me I think “you’ll change your mind when you know me”.

And they do, when they realise the extent of my over-analysis!!

Can you explain how this relates to your Aspergers? Is it that Aspergers take everything literally so think people mean what they say?

but sometimes I become discouraged by my inability to do things I want to do that seem to come easily to most people.

Totally. How people stay organised is beyond me. Simple tasks seem impossible!

coatless I know others don't always find things as easy as they make it look but it's so obvious they are not struggling with things that I find really hard to cope with.

All the time, for pretty much all the reasons you’ve put in the OP.

Managed to give myself a panic attack over it yesterday. And now I hate myself for that too.

My new job has really put a focus onto how much I am lacking and I'm finding it all so overwhelming. I wanted to not turn up again after my first day. I have a huge urge to just run!

There seems to be a few of us here. It's a shame I don't know you all in real life! I honestly can't even speak to my DH about it. He doesn't know the extent of what I got through on a daily basis. He thinks I just lack confidence and I'm hard on myself etc

I hate myself too, but for different reasons. I never feel good enough.
I’ve got a lovely husband, who I ask what he sees in me.
I question how I ended up with such a beautiful and content baby.
I never feel like I deserve anything good or nice.

Op just see your gp there is no need to live like this. Ask he or she to prescribe you something like propranolol. It basically removes the physical symptoms of anxiety. Really don't worry there is help out there for anxiety, it's not a big deal and can easily be fixed

@Rockbird for what it’s worth I recognise your name, and often like what you post and think you would be somebody I would connect with in RL.
I hated myself for most of my life.
It’s awful. I don’t anymore, one of the first things started doing was to stop feeling sorry for myself and start respecting myself.
Courage.

That sounds awful cannot maybe you do need to change jobs. Are you sure you haven't misinterpreted what they are saying due to your own negative feelings about yourself? If not it sounds like a bad job for you or a bad manager.

Just want to say I could have written this my self. I suffer terrible social anxiety and feel so awkward in social situations. like you I know I must come a cross as so standoffish and rude when really I just want someone to talk to me. I mean I cant even look at people to make eye co tact somedays ( school run, courses ect ) then I think how much everyone must hate me because no one talks to me or even looks at me when I do try and make eye contact. Then everyone starts making friends and I'm just on my own.

I'm sorry you're going through with it too. *

I'm sorry you're going through it too tashakg89 I'm at a loss to what to do. I honestly feel suicidal about it right now. I cannot see it ever improving.