Do 8 yr olds know about sex?

[Villanellebelle]

Following on from another thread where the general consensus was that 8 yr olds know about sex, I was quite surprised. I have an 8 yr old boy and it didn't cross my mind that I should be having the talk with him yet! Should i be? What do you tell them at this age? Any good resources out there?

I did explain that sometimes they come out of the tummy too but didn’t want to over complicate it at this stage and I won’t be having any more dc so he may not ask again for a while! I think he’ll be taught in school from year 4 ish and he’s only year 2 atm

We've been reading Amazing You as a bedtime story since my 8 year olds were 4 or so. It's on the shelf and they choose it every now and then.

They know the parts and that "when the mummy and daddy decide to have a baby the egg and the sperm meet and a baby grows in the mother's uterus" (paraphrased as I don't have the book in front of me!). At 8 and a half my more curious twin asked how the sperm gets from the daddy to the egg and I just said that the daddy puts his penis inside the mummy's vagina and the sperm can come out to go and find the egg in the uterus. He wasn't phased in the slightest. My DD was keen to know that she will have a choice whether the egg come out or stays inside to make a baby, so I reassured her that it will be her choice each month. No details on how she'll express that choice yet, but she hasn't got as far as the PIV bit yet either.

I am absolutely keen to avoid "the talk". I am hoping there'll be no need for a specific talk as it's just stuff they know, in the same way they know how to make toast and are (reluctantly!) learning how to do laundry.

Mine knew the mechanics from an early age though hadn't thought about the ramifications until age 7-8 (you put Daddy's penis there???). At age 8ish I've had to explain the social aspects of sex, ie that consenting adults can do it for fun, not just for making babies, which they flatly disbelieve...

I agree with previous posters about having the conversation so you get to lead the narrative not his 8 year old mate on the play ground

Unfortunately you cant control what others will say, or what they pick up elsewhere so its better to make sure your saying what you would want them to hear!

Always makes me laugh the people that think their children would never know of such a thing, when they spend 6 hours aday with their mates.

No, my 10yr old doesn't know about sex and I won't be telling him until either he asks questions or just before he goes to secondary school. He'll be 13 by then.

zelda why not? 13 seems far too late. He'll have learnt all kinds of stuff from other kids by then.

Zelda, plenty of kids at my school were already sexually active by that age.

You're doing him a huge disservice by not providing him with the facts.

Good luck with that Zelda. Setting him up for ridicule

For me it always comes back to the world around us.

Part of an old role of mine was around discussing controversial topics with children.

In an ideal world we would be able to introduce these topics at age appropriate times in a natural and flowing manner. However theres so much that goes on with children thats beyond parents control.

With such a huge screen presence, then all children are only a click away from all the internet nasties. We might do our best by restricting internet access etc but all it takes is one friend with an unrestricted phone, i pad, tv etc. They might stumble on things via t.v, overhear a conversation, play ground chatter. For older people it was stumbling on dirty magazines in the woods. Children have always been sneaking bits of information without their parents knowledge

The example of teeth falling out is a good one! Children hit puberty at all sorts of ages, by year 6 some will have started periods, boys might have erections etc. The cat is well and truly out of the bag, surely its better for children to have a level of understanding and maturity than be vulnerable to play ground rumours or not understand whats happening to their own bodies

My parents tried fairly hard to "keep my innocence" i never had the talk from them. By the time it had even crossed their radar, i was sexually active. My technical knowledge was far better than my parents and i could access all sorts, my friends told me all sorts of things and my parents never provided any counter to this.

Yes we should be limiting acess to things that arent age appropriate, but plan for the worst. Its why both abstinance and contraception are taught and why even if your kids dont have unsupervised access to the internet and you have tight controls, that they should still be taught internet safety just incase all that fails (it might just be they learn the password or 1/30 classmates has an unlocked phone)

Talking about bodies and sex does not stop them being innocent or children. It is just biology!

Children are naturally curious and the earlier you start the conversations the less awkward they are and talking about the topic becomes normal, meaning when they hear things in the playground that they don't understand they will come and ask.

We initially used a book to start, think it was called 'Let's Talk', which had great pictures and covered most things in a very comfortable and age appropriate way.

When ds was 8 or 9 I went up to his room and found him and his friends (two were 2 years older) reading the book together 🤣. He thought he was being helpful as they didn't know and were saying things that weren't correct!! One of their mums a few doors down came over later that day after her son told her about this great book and asked to borrow it so he could look at it again together 🤣

We also had a pretty informative discussion about HIV, hpv, gonerrhea, clamidya, pubic lice etc etc aged around 11 ish when we were sitting behind a bus and he asked about an HIV advert on it.

Included everything from some can be cured, some treated, HIV stigma and how it was a death sentence in the 80s (someone called Freddie Mercury!), the link between HIV and homosexuality in 80s, vacs for hpv, barrier contraception, impact on fertility, clinics in uk vs issues in developing countries. The use of antibiotics and super resistant gonerrhea. Sexual health checks.

Factual biology, modern history and social issues, a two way discussion, he was fascinated not embarrassed in any way!! although might never have sex as too risky

@Zeldasmagicwand When I was at school a girl became pregnant in year 8 and gave birth midway through year 9, that means she was 12/13 when she became pregnant.

A child knowing nothing about sex at 13 would be very vulnerable.

I told mine when he was 3, in an age appropriate manner including proper terminology for things. I think the book was called Not The Stork or something, there's another book by the same people and it comes at it in a very educational manner.

I think it's very important for children to know young. Not only for their own safety but also to reduce potential bullying/teasing. I'll be starting my daughter off on the same book now that she's turned three. Hiding things away and making them taboo does not keep our children safe, information and knowledge is power.

Simon I knew a girl that got pregnant towards the end of year six when we were just finishing up primary school. 10 years old, it makes me sick to think of it. If she'd been educated earlier it might not have happened.

Where did I come from? And What's happening to me? Are both great books.

Yes, my 8yo knows. We have Where Willy Went and the Growing Up Book for Younger Girls (the latter is a bit old for her, her 11yo sister has it at the moment) and we talk about things like why the Hummel’s baby died in Little Women which leads on to things like contraception (or lack thereof).

I would much, much rather she gets her information from me than from an ill-informed friend or the internet (our internet access is locked down, but I don’t know about her friends’ houses).

And I think it’s much easier to talk about it at 8yo, when they’re not embarrassed (usually), than later when it might all be horribly embarrassing but they might really want to know.

I had the talk from DM when me and my bro were 8(twins) and it never occurred to me once where do babies come from I remember thinking I've never even thought about it?brother knew it was sex but not what happens was just told basics man puts his p in the ladies v and after 9 months a baby come from the vagina I remember being horrified that could happen but made sex education at school a lot less unpleasant x

Lets hope your DC who are kept 'innocent' have friends like my DD1 who seems to be the person her friends ask about all things to do with sex (bit of a geek, biologist for a mother plus a gay aunty means she's pretty knowledgeable and matter of fact). Better to hear correct information than gossip.

Thanks so much for all the replies, I will definitely be getting some of those books!

Yes we have it’s not the stork and the older one about changes - both my children know that it is not something to discuss with friends just in case their parents are like many on here! Btw it came from them asking questions.

I live in a strongly Catholic area where basic sex education isn't taught at primary. If I did a 'birds and the bees' chat with DS earlier than 12, the other parents would be horrified. We don't go attend church as it is.
Most of his friends are children of farmers so they understand some rudimentary stuff about procreation regarding animals and I think that's adequate knowledge for now.

I grew up in a very urban environment where kids did smoke and do other things behind the bike sheds. However, living over here is so very different to living in the UK, that I'm fairly confident that more detailed information can wait a while.

However, living over here is so very different to living in the UK, that I'm fairly confident that more detailed information can wait a while

Do you live on Mars?

These book recommendations are good.

Yes, mine knew at (and before that age). It will talked about at school, our is a very 'nice' school but we have a lot of doctor's children, who tend to speak very frankly about everything, and in DC's year we had 1 child who was unfortunately left to watch 18 videos, so brought a less scientific and far more worrying version to school.

With DC aged around 3-4 we started with explaining anatomy and in the broadest terms 'how babies were made'. They asked very early "exactly" how the sperm got to the egg. We don't sit them down for conversations, just take questions as they come, though we do occasionally introduce a new book (e.g. about periods, as DD9 could start any time) and then as they've no embarrassment, they continue to ask questions.

DD9 is aware that penis goes in vagina to make babies (she thinks this sounds horrible), when this is appropriate, healthy relationships, when to tell a trusted adult, periods, contraception (she asked), puberty etc, different types of family and relationship etc. Given that these days girls can start their periods as young as 9, the vast majority will be aware, even if your son is not.

For books, there are a few Usbourne one, starting with basic lift the flaps about the body, with a page on babies etc, to 'what is happening to me?' type books around puberty, and also (probably a bit young for your son), "What Makes a Baby" which is a very simple, inclusive book that covers many, perhaps all, permutations of couples.