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Original poster

Do 8 yr olds know about sex?

80 replies

Villanellebelle · 14/10/2019 16:44

Following on from another thread where the general consensus was that 8 yr olds know about sex, I was quite surprised. I have an 8 yr old boy and it didn't cross my mind that I should be having the talk with him yet! Should i be? What do you tell them at this age? Any good resources out there?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 14/10/2019 17:32

Mine certainly did.

AlternativePerspective · 14/10/2019 17:33

I don’t think that anyone needs to be sitting an eight year old down for a chat or anything like that, but I do think that people should be open to questions as and when they arise.

Reality is that children will hear a lot of talk in the playground, and if they do they should be able to ask about it.

Purpleartichoke · 14/10/2019 17:36

At 8 I would expect a child to know that babies are made by combining a sperm and egg inside a woman’s body. They should also have at least a vague idea that this involves intimacy between partners. One book we got for dd at the age of 3 had the mom and dad under a blanket and some hearts drawn around them.

They should also know the real names for their own sex organs.
It’s also good to start talking about consent in age appropriate terms. Things like how tickling is fun as long as both people are having fun, but the second someone says stop you stop.

readingnc · 14/10/2019 17:39

Mine don't. And I don't believe they need to yet either, they are children. Let them be children

Purpleartichoke · 14/10/2019 17:40

For resources, I love the “its not the stork” series of books.

funkt · 14/10/2019 17:42

At 8 my girls had been taught the basics and read books. They giggled quite a bit but came to realise it was just what happened. DD1 is 12 now so she knows quite a bit more because of school chats, talks together, books and a while back she told me she went on childline to read up more about stuff and was worried I'd be mad. DD2 doesn't care about this stuff and daydreams a bit. She knows less than her sis as she's only 10 but still understands.

DinosApple · 14/10/2019 17:46

Mine both did at 8, it's a low level constant stream of age appropriate information. It's not lost innocence, I'm not reading them the karma sutra!

Mine are girls though and you can't keep them in a bubble, they need to know about periods and the whys and the hows. Puberty can strike girls early so even if it's not your own child starting age 8 or 9, chances are one of her classmates will be.

Mrsfrumble · 14/10/2019 17:49

Knowing about sex and playing with Lego aren’t mutually exclusive Confused

DS is 8 and knows the about the mechanics, because he asked. He’s very curious about everything his ASD brain needs know how everything works, so the vague “daddy puts a seed inside mummy” explanation wasn’t cutting it for him anymore. He also understands it’s something grown ups do and is not something he should be concerning himself with for many years yet. I don’t feel as if his innocence (or interest in Lego) has been diminished by knowing.

Stompythedinosaur · 14/10/2019 17:51

My 8yo does. So does my 6yo. I started by explaining how babies were made when asked, eventually they asked how the sperm meets with the egg, so I explained about sex. I don't think there should be any big secret about it.

reluctantbrit · 14/10/2019 18:26

DD was 6.5 when she asked and got a detailed answer in a manner she could understand.

I can’t see a problem and it def doesn’t take anything away.

She already knew about periods from toddlerhood as mine are very heavy and she saw me changing stained clothes and I have to have pads around all the time and in every bag. One just let to the other.

She was 9 when they had the first part of sex Ed in school, year 5, that was very detailed but “mechanical” and 10/year 6, for the whole puberty, sex for pleasure, contraception and diseases talk.

ScorchioScorchio · 15/10/2019 02:44

I've always believed in answering questions as they arise, in a child friendly way. My almost 9 year old has known for a long time that babies grow inside women and that they can get out in two different ways but it wasn't until last week that he asked how the sperm and egg got together inside the woman. I explained simply what happens and that led on to questions about how same sex couples have babies. It wasn't a difficult conversation and he's referenced it a couple of time in a why-would-you-do-that kind of way, but otherwise is completely unfazed by the whole thing. I used the same approach with my teenager and he's always been happy to ask me questions about sex and relationships.

Mintjulia · 15/10/2019 02:54

My 8yo didn’t even after pshe classes.

He wasn’t sure of the difference between penis and peanuts, dissolved in helpless giggles whenever the topic was raised and sort on “self-censored” himself, ie he went off and did something else if the topic was raised.
He wasn’t remotely interested until 10.

We did “pants are private” and “families come in all shapes & sizes” but otherwise I left it until he wanted to know. By 10 he was curious.

64sNewName · 15/10/2019 03:07

I don’t think you do children many favours by treating the topic as if it’s somehow inappropriate and will tarnish their innocence.

Equipping then with a bit of basic knowledge in an age-appropriate way is fine and they can still play with Lego Confused

GymNovice · 15/10/2019 05:51

Mine knew at that age, he knew at 6 because he asked how a friends baby got inside her tummy. I've just had to go over it again and have the talk with them as my 7 year old is asking why her body is changing. DS is not remotely interested, but he has heard all the info and they have a couple of books on the bookshelf they randomly look at and ask questions.

FridalovesDiego · 15/10/2019 05:55

To those posters who think talking to your own children makes them lose their innocence somehow; how do you feel about your kids being told in the playground? Or worse? I wanted to keep my children's innocence so I told them in an age appropriate way. It keeps them innocent and as a pp said safe.

butteryellow · 15/10/2019 05:57

Mine's like purpleartichoke's - he knows the mechanics, but hasn't really thought past there.

He also knows what's going to happen to his body as he hits puberty (prepared him for that at least, after the whole forgetting to tell him that his teeth would fall out debacle)

GymNovice · 15/10/2019 06:06

after the whole forgetting to tell him that his teeth would fall out debacle
Grin sorry, but that did make me laugh! We did tell DS, but he wouldn't believe us!

IceniSky · 15/10/2019 06:18

DD knew the penis goes into the vagina to deliver sperm to an egg. It's basic science. I then use it to discuss different jobs etc. She knows about how wee is made, poo is made, lungs work, heart works. Why not how babies are made?

WatchingTheMoon · 15/10/2019 06:28

I don't understand how a basic knowledge of sex is equal to lost innocence. Sex isn't some dirty, disgusting activity that corrupts small children.

At eight, they should know the basics and I'd wonder how they'd got to the age where they hadn't asked about tampons or a pregnant friend or relative or something by that age tbh.

By 8, many will start talking about it in the playground, and I'd rather they heard it from me than some half truths from their friends.

Love51 · 15/10/2019 06:30

Did none of you start your periods before secondary school then? I started mine at 9, I definitely think it helps to have context for what's going on there.
Also, do they not visit a farm to watch lambing? (Mine did a trip in y1 /y2)
Mine know the mechanics of reproduction, but not what to look for in a partner, or that sex can be purely recreational. They don't know about contraception yet, because it hasn't occurred to them anyone would engage in such a strange activity for fun.

YouJustDoYou · 15/10/2019 06:32

I did at 7, but only because the neighbourhood boys would discuss it in great detail. Also, some of the other boys at school already knew about it, and would ask to see our tits, did we get off on tampons, we were frigid if we didn't let them have sex with us. A small minority of leery boys, but still. Made me petrified and a bit hateful of boys in general at that age.

GymNovice · 15/10/2019 06:54

They don't know about contraception yet, because it hasn't occurred to them anyone would engage in such a strange activity for fun.

Mine know about the Pill because they've asked me what the tablet is that I take every day. I take several so it was a case of "that one's for that, this one for that and that one so I don't have any more babies." DD 6 was all "but I want a baby, why can't you grow one in your tummy?" DS 8 asked me every day for about a month if I'd taken my tablet yet Grin I'm not sure either have linked it to sex as such though, they've certainly never mentioned it.

CountFosco · 15/10/2019 07:29

Now this is interesting. I have 3DC and both my daughters knew all about the mechanics of sex by 8. But my son, who is now 7, hasn't asked as much and I haven't felt the same urgency to tell him. Partly it's a case of 'we have all the books and his older siblings know so they can tell him if he asks' but I also think with boys they can enjoy their ignorance more whereas with girls they need that knowledge to protect themselves from the world and what is going to happen to them (periods, sexual harassment, plain old sexism etc). Interesting. I may need to have a chat with him this evening!

PollyPelargonium52 · 15/10/2019 07:32

The education system is ensuring sex ed is taught in schools slowly from the age of 8. I am surprised that people do not seem to know this.

CanICelebrate · 15/10/2019 07:34

My 7yo knows where babies literally come from because he asked where they popped out! He doesn’t know about sex but knows a baby grows from a seed and egg in mummy’s ‘tummy’ and when it’s ready to be born it comes out of her vagina. That’s enough info for now unless he asks again!!