Today is my birthday...

[DietMountainDew]

... and I've never woken up feeling so sad and lonely in my life.

DH & I have argued all weekend. I'm 7 months pregnant, probably feeling a bit over sensitive and hormonal, but the arguments started over really petty things (ie a baking tray) and escalated to the point of no return... DH has suggested that I speak to a solicitor this morning and I agree, the marriage has run it's course and I do not want to be with him anymore.

I have no family here, or real friends that I could speak to. I'm flying home on Friday to spend a week with my DPs and just willing this week to pass.

I've got today off work (my company gives everyone the day off for their birthday) but I spent all night awake, crying, and I'm too tired to do anything.

I don't really know why I'm posting, just want a bit of a hand hold I guess. I don't want to worry my friends or family IRL since I'm so far away and they can't do anything to help.

Do you want the marriage to be over? Have you tried marriage counselling?

I have nc'd for obvious reasons.

Aw I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope everything improves soon. A nice break with your DPs will do you a world of good.

Here's hoping your birthday gets better. It's my birthday today too.

@MsChatterbox we've not tried counselling but I'm certain the marriage is over.

@DamonSalvatoresDinner thank you, and happy birthday to you too

If you're agreed that your marriage has run its course, think of today as the first day of the rest of your life.

Speak to a solicitor then do things for you.
Treat yourself to a new outfit, lunch at your favourite place and go and watch a film at the cinema.

If your home country is quite different to the country you're in, go and get some treats to take for your parents.

Keep yourself busy. Take some time to care for yourself.

I hope your day gets better

The marriage must have been on the rocks already, you didn’t get this far over the course of one weekend surely?

Oh I’m so sorry you are having such an awful time, and on your birthday too :( Do you want to talk through what led your marriage to this point? Can you move your trip home forward at all?

For today can you focus on getting some rest, something nice to eat?

This is really sad @DietMountainDew

But maybe this is the beginning of the next phase of your life, with you and your baby finding your way together.

Happy birthday

No advice OP just hugs and be kind to yourself 💐💐

So sorry. Hope you can salvage some good on your birthday. Things can only get better from here - future birthdays will be spent with your child and people who love you.

Do you have to come back after your week? Perhaps you could move your mat leave forward and stay with your family until after the birth?

I'd be really cautious about deciding a marriage is over when your homones are playing havoc with your mood and logic. Sit down with a piece of paper and write down all the reasons you think the marriage can't work, then all the reasons why it once did. Be honest about your own and your husband's good points and what you do well together as well as things that you would need to work hard on if you chose to stay together.
Even if you do decide to split, I strongly recommend you get divorce counselling so you can be mature and harmonious about child care, access and maintenance payments. It sounds as though you both need to grow up a bit emotionally and realise that flare ups during pregnancy are normal. My sister was constantly running back to my parents when she was pregnant. Still happily married 30 years on. It's possible to work through rows if you both want to.

First of all, happy birthday!!!!
Do go and stay away for some time with your family and feel their love, it.woll do you a lot of good.
I am sorry you are feeling so sad on this special day and while expecting - do try some therapy. If it does not work, do end the marriage and do not give birth to your child into a terrible family.
Sometimes separate parenting works better.
In the long run, all will be ok.

That's a good way to view it @SneakyBeakyLike thank you. I planned to walk the dogs on the beach and just spend the day pottering at home, but perhaps I should make the effort to go and cheer myself up. All I want to do is hide under the covers and cry.

It's been up and down for a while - mainly because of the way he speaks to me. He blows up over the smallest things and I've found myself treading on eggshells, hiding things, even telling stupid white lies to stop him getting angry and this weekend was just the straw that broke the camels back.

Soon it won't be just me - and there is no way I can let my DD be a witness to outbursts like it. He's a good person, a kind man, but his temper and his tongue is beyond his control and instead of reigning it in, which we've spoken about time and time again, it's getting worse.

@milliefiori I appreciate that, thank you, but it's definitely over. I cannot raise a child in a household where I'm treading on eggshells around his mood and his tongue.

Do your family and friends back home know anything about this? If not do take the opportunity to talk to them openly when you are back.

@DietMountainDew definitely take the time to cheer yourself up rather than being home alone mulling things over. This time next year little one will be here and you won't be able to just think about what you want anymore!

Do you think this could be cabin fever. You are a long way from family and friends with just DH for company?

@MyOtherProfile they know we've had problems with his temper and the way he speaks to me... my DSF has pulled him up on it before... but no one knows how unhappy I am. I can't imagine they would be surprised.

@PancakeAndKeith I don't think so. We've been here 2 years now and I like my own space... I just don't like being spoken to so badly, for doing nothing wrong.

@SneakyBeakyLike you are definitely right. I just wish she was here now so I wasn't alone today.

What a brave decision you've made. Having lived with a man with an explosive temper I know the weight will be lifted from your shoulders. The stress of sleeplessness with a new baby would do nothing to improve the situation, especially if he's not willing to change or admit fault.

Happy birthday to you

It sounds like you are making the right decision and you can sort out what you are doing long term in another day

Today is your day though , do something nice , buy sonething nice , eat cake 🍰
Can you go for lunch with a friend ?
If not go and see a film , wander round a gallery , whatever is your thing

Thank you @Fingermoose - this is what I'm concerned about. Things aren't tough right now... there is no need for cross words, but in a few weeks time, there will be. I grew up in a household with my parents constantly fighting. I won't let the same thing happen to my daughter.
I'm glad you got out 

Thank you @Jacksback I'm going to force myself to get up, have a shower and take the dogs for a swim and treat myself to a nice coffee and pastry. I'm sure I'll feel better for some fresh air.

Please do worry your family and friends, they will WANT to support you.

I would start packing for your trip home on Friday. I would be gathering together all your important papers and documents, and taking copies of your Dh's. I would take any small valuable or sentimental items, with a view to not coming back.