Today is my birthday...

[DietMountainDew]

... and I've never woken up feeling so sad and lonely in my life.

DH & I have argued all weekend. I'm 7 months pregnant, probably feeling a bit over sensitive and hormonal, but the arguments started over really petty things (ie a baking tray) and escalated to the point of no return... DH has suggested that I speak to a solicitor this morning and I agree, the marriage has run it's course and I do not want to be with him anymore.

I have no family here, or real friends that I could speak to. I'm flying home on Friday to spend a week with my DPs and just willing this week to pass.

I've got today off work (my company gives everyone the day off for their birthday) but I spent all night awake, crying, and I'm too tired to do anything.

I don't really know why I'm posting, just want a bit of a hand hold I guess. I don't want to worry my friends or family IRL since I'm so far away and they can't do anything to help.

So sorry you’re going through this. You’ve made the right decision for you and your baby’s future.
Go and walk your dogs and make a plan.
Do contact your friends and family. They’ll be there for you through a tough time.

Where would you like to live post divorce? I'd be very tempted to include all important documents, jewellery etc etc in my case and head home at least until after the birth. He sounds abusive, I'm sorry your having such a rubbish birthday

I've just spoken to my dm... she called to ask if I liked the book she'd sent me and I broke down. I feel so guilty as she's now upset too.

@Windygate I can move in temporarily with my DPs. They'd only be too pleased to have me there. There's no way I could afford to live in their area but I don't need to think about that quite yet, do I?

I will pack all important things and make copies of DHs documents too, thank you for the tip.

I had an ex partner like this and ended it because I finally realised it was a form of emotional abuse. As well as the obvious verbal abuse and intimidating shouting, angry body language and behaviour. It was over the smallest, silliest things and like you say I was permanently on edge walking on egg shells.

It will likely get worse when you also have a baby at home, they do tend to initially turn the world upside down for many of us, how will he deal with that? My ex started taking his issues and temper out on our daughter, from a very young age she remembers him shouting at her. He had no patience or tolerance for the smallest inconveniences, mess, noise, normal toddler tantrums. I had to leave and get my daughter (and myself) away from him. Good luck it sounds as though your parents will be a big support while you go through this xx

Well done OP, you're really bravely making all the right decisions.

If you're constantly treading on eggshells and doing anything it takes to not make him angry, this is a sign of emotional abuse. Abuse often escalates during pregnancy. You need to get out of there.

@DietMountainDew if moving away is something you might prefer then it's best to do it before you have your baby. So yes it is something to think about sooner rather than later but don't tell your STBXH.

Happy birthday OP, I’m sorry it’s not a very happy day for you though. Well done on making the difficult decision to leave, your parents sound lovely and supportive which is good. Wish you well for the future.

@bluebelle79 I'm sorry that happened to you. That's exactly how I feel. The way he's blown up this weekend, multiple times over minute things, is so unjustified. The way he's spoken, the way he's behaved... it's as if he's just uncovered a series of affairs, not used the wrong word for something.
This time hasn't been particularly worse than any others but I just feel like I've just completely checked out of the marriage. He's a good person and he's kind but his moods are so volatile and explosive, I cannot live with it.
He's text me twice today saying he loves me and what do I want for dinner tonight, as if nothing has happened. No sorry, no nothing.
I can't let it be swept under the carpet.

I've taken the dogs for a long walk, I opened my cards on the phone to my DM so I wasn't alone and I went and bought a big box of my favourite chocolates - I'm going to snuggle up this afternoon with the dogs and read my book.

@Windygate I am going to pack for the weekend as if I'm staying there. It's just work that obviously I need to bear in mind.

Thank you @NoSauce

Hope you are okay and still going to your parents for at least a few days.

I'm sorry to hear that Diet, it sounds like you have a plan for the day. It's really good that you are going to your parents at the weekend. You have had some good advice here about bringing valuables.

It's a shit position to be in - wishing you well and happy birthday