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Original poster

My 17 DS Asking for money again !

44 replies

lisaW2001 · 13/10/2019 15:51

Advice please, 17 year Ds has apprenticeship and gets 10, 000 pa , he lives at home and pays me £120 a month board, this leaves him about £700 a month just for himself, problem is hes spending his money in 2 weeks, then asking me to lend money after that, hes had £700 plus £100 birthday money this month , thats £800 in 2 weeks ! , i did lend him £20 yesturday he asked for £10 today , today iv said no , but hes hounding me saying hes not coming home ect, this is blackmail i know , im worried about what hes spending the money on, i know he has smoked only weed with his mates in the past (which i dont agree with) i dont think he would take other drugs ,, takeaways ect , what should i do to make him listen to me and make him budget more , i cant afford to lend him the money most of the time . thanks

OP posts:
quincejamplease · 13/10/2019 15:55

Transport costs?

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 13/10/2019 15:56

£800 in two weeks! As a qualified professional I spent £400 max a month on myself. Now I’m a SAHM DH and I each get £200 a month ‘pocket money’.

Don’t give him anymore money no matter what he says. They only thing I would pay for is bus pass E.g. for job but I would be wanting that back at the start of next month. He is asking you again for more money because you keep giving it to him.

DonPablo · 13/10/2019 15:57

Time for him to learn about budgeting. And if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Simple really.

Maybe point him in the direction of a budgeting app. Or a Monzi card, where you allot money to different things.

If he lives at home he's not going to go without food or heat, so now is the safest time for him to learn.

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 13/10/2019 15:59

He needs to experience natural consequences of spending all his money to make him want to budget.

Sooverthemill · 13/10/2019 15:59

Don't give him or lend him any money. Suggest he looks at budgeting apps. What the hell is he spending the money on?

Mintjulia · 13/10/2019 16:07

Op, agree with the others, it’s time to say no. Make sure he has his bus pass, and ensure there is food there for him to take lunch to work, but otherwise, no.
I would also put anything of value away where he can’t find it. You don’t think he’s taking other drugs but £800 in 2 weeks is £57 a day, every day. It’s going somewhere.

What does he say he spends it on?

Original poster
lisaW2001 · 13/10/2019 16:08

i agree with standing firm and saying no but hes made this weekend hell! texting me begging for money, i keep telling him £800 is alot of money for a young lad , im thinking hes treating his mates when he gets paid, as they all still at school/college, funny how these so called mates are not around when hes skint .

OP posts:
Thehagonthehill · 13/10/2019 16:09

Just say no, it's not as if he's paying bills,this is just spending money.
I have much less just for me.
If he is spending on drugs or gbling then now is the time to put the breaks on.
He's not going to starve and can come home when he's ready..Staying away with mate will have limited appeal if he has money,unless you can afford to just hand over £10-20 a week to someone who seems to have no respect for you.

BertrandRussell · 13/10/2019 16:09

I would want to know what he is spending his money on.

ThanosSavedMe · 13/10/2019 16:11

He’s never going to learn how to budget if you keep giving him money.

If you loan him money now, he’ll be short next month once he’s paid you back.

Now is a good time for him to learn

WickedLemon · 13/10/2019 16:11

what should i do to make him listen to me and make him budget more

i did lend him £20 yesturday

Hmm

Stop lending him money.

Yes, it’s really that simple.

OrchidInTheSun · 13/10/2019 16:12

£800 in two weeks with nothing to shops for it is drugs (and not weed) and/or gambling.

OrchidInTheSun · 13/10/2019 16:12

nothing to *show for it

Frenchfancy · 13/10/2019 16:13

Definitely refuse. But try not to say £800 is a lot for a young lad, £800 is a lot for anyone if they have nothing to show for it. His age is not relevant.

Original poster
lisaW2001 · 13/10/2019 16:13

Mintjulia

yes i agree it is alot and i do worry, i dont have much for myself each month, i will get to the bottem of it, ill have another talk with him later,

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 13/10/2019 16:17

Just stop giving him money. He has more than enough. If he spends it all on the first day he's paid, are you going to keep giving him money? He needs to learn.

£800 in two weeks is ridiculous. Does he have anything to show for it? I'd want to know exactly what he'd spent it on before lending any money. And he's not likely to tell you if it was on drugs.

Arrowfanatic · 13/10/2019 16:17

I'd be asking for a breakdown of what he's spent that money on & i would buy him a bus pass if needed for the next 2 weeks & that is it.

If he wont give you a breakdown of his spending then cut off the bank of mum entirely, he'll soon learn (hopefully) however if you see his statements and its just bad money management hopefully he'll accept some help to learn how to budget better.

Zaphodsotherhead · 13/10/2019 16:25

Just tell him that I earn less than he does and run a house on it!

He can have absolutely no NEED for that much money. He might WANT it, but he sure as hell doesn't NEED it...

Original poster
lisaW2001 · 13/10/2019 16:28

last month he did have a pair of £200 trainers on his feet ! and spending money on silly stuff like getting macdonalds delivered to the house, this month nothing thats why im worried, iv not lent him money today and wont from now on.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 13/10/2019 16:32

I have an 18 year old at college. He earns between £0 and £50 (usually about £30) a week and I give him another 50 and buy his season ticket. He doesn’t give me any board, so that’s all spending money. There’s always food in the house and he usually makes himself a lunch. He has a very pleasant and very sociable life o. ThT!

Wonkybanana · 13/10/2019 16:49

Point out to him that he doesn't need anything. That you provide shelter, hot water and food. And if after that he says he's not coming home, wish him luck finding somewhere else that will provide all those basics for £120 a month.

PurplePuffinPicker · 13/10/2019 17:34

Is my son living with you? He's 18 but he's in exactly the same boat. It's expensive trainers, designer clothes (£150 tshirts ffs) in his case. He has to learn the hard way, don't lend him anything. Mine seems to be on a very slow learning curve but if he has to spend two weeks living like a king and two weeks on the breadline, that's his problem imo.

If your son is threatening to not come home, call his bluff and just shrug and let him do it if he wants. He's saying it to manipulate you. When he realises he has to spend even more on living expenses when he's not at yours, he'll realise.

SpaceDinosaur · 13/10/2019 17:54

The him if he doesn't stop harassing you for money then he will loose his welcome to live at home and can take his £800/month to see how far it goes in the real world. You can break down a room in a house share, internet and food costs for him. Show him how far his £800 can go on paper and leave him to stew.

S. T. O. P. Giving him money. He's learning nothing except you're a pushover who caves to being bullied and harassed.

If he wants to act like a toddler when he doesn't get his own way then treat him like one

raspberryk · 13/10/2019 17:54

That's ridiculous I've also run a house and a car on that money in the past.
Stop lending him money and tell him he will have to sell his belongings if he needs money this month.
Tell him if he needs help/tips budgeting then you are willing to help that way.

Theflying19 · 13/10/2019 18:00

Hmm...
Do not facilitate his lifestyle. Refuse to answer his texts. Tell him to grow up. Say that is the last word and then refuse to discuss.
And I would then charge him more for board and lodging. One third to one half of his salary. If he's paying you £120 and keeping £800 that is not the right split. If you feel one half is too much then save some of it for him.

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