My friend sent me a message to say he wants to die what can I do?

[username578999]

One of my oldest friend has been for some years been quite ill with a mental illness . He has been on medication but I'm not sure if it's not working or he stops taking it as every now and again he will ring me saying he wants to die etc .
I've tried talking to him but usually he's been drinking. He will see the doctor be ok then the pattern will repeat . I've not heard from him since earlier this year he was ok not 100% but getting better .
The last I heard was a text to say he was back under the mental health.
This morning I had a text from him to say he wanted to die . I replied briefly to not send messages like that so he rang me , I didn't pick up.
I feel terrible but I honestly can't cope with hearing him again tell me how much he wants to die especially if I suspect he's been drinking. I have my dc in the house with me .
I'm angry with him for being so selfish but then I'm terrified that he will do something to himself. I suspect he won't as he has threatened this many many times . My dh says he won't and that he's selfish and that we have a lot going on and can't help someone who can't or won't help themselves.
I feel sad but I really don't want to speak to him but that I feel guilty .
I suppose I'm not looking for advice but if anyone else has experienced this sort of situation.

Everything that @Dyrne has said.

I hope you're not one of those people who post things on Facebook about supporting friends with depression, door always open, just reach out to someone shite? And no you really aren't his friend.

Contrary to most on here, I'm with you OP. Family member does this over and over, for the last 12 years. I cant do it any more so have had to take a step back for my own wellbeing, and that of my own family too. It's hard, but after 12 years I just cant carry the load any longer. Hope you can feel easier and direct your friend to help.

I think all of the people saying they are not his friend are really cruel, it is obviously a long term friendship and people need to look out for their own needs.

Even though he has had suicidal thought on and off for many years it does not mean he is not serious, I agree you should set down boundaries about talking to him when drunk or in the middle of the night and signpost him to places where he can talk.

I also would not be too harsh on him for stopping meds. Doing this is actually a symptom of some illnesses due to lack of insight. The meds can also have some horrible side effects.

@thesnapandfartisinfallible that's a bit of a judgement but to answer your question no I'm not even on fb .
It's a really good job I'm the sort of person who doesn't give 2 hoots what others think but a weaker more vulnerable person would. The irony really telling me that I'm not being a true friend when your post is highly judging and quite frankly the opposite of how I am .
I'm just at the end of a very long road with my friend.
Maybe just jog on those who have nothing nice to say .

Don't think I will, thanks. What with it being an open forum and all. And yes, you are the complete opposite of me and yes, I am judging you...

Shame you don't have anything nice to say to your poor 'friend.'

Oooo OP, has snap sent you a PM offering to take him on as his support for those many drunk calls? I'm sure they'll do a better job of it...

So take him on then if you can do better.

There's helping someone and them sucking you dry with many drunken repeats. Sometimes you have to preserve your own mental health when someone won't help themselves and expect to be propped up indefinitely.

thesnapandfartisinfallible that is a horrifying someone to wish on someone. You should be ashamed of yourself.

But imagine you at your lowest point, feeling absolutely drained and with nothing left. And now imagine a friend gets in touch repeatedly while drunk demanding support. Would you honestly be able to say you’d happily reach out again and again to provide that support? Or would you have focused on your own recovery?

snap

You're talking shit

Well it's took her 3 days to reply and that's the best reply she can come up with.
Keyboard trolls not what they used to be .

And yes User some of us have lives and jobs outside this board. Shocking I know.

well that told me the irony .

thesnapandfartisinfallible you are clearly making up a scenario in your own head here.

The situation we have is that OP has had years of providing support to this friend again and again; and now that she needs support herself she is having to pull back for the sake of her own mental health. She asked for advice on what to say to gently let her friend know this.

The situation you seem to have invented is that the OP is too busy skipping around having her nails done to give a shit and has actively told her friend to fuck off.

OP, I feel for your predicament, it's so difficult balancing your own needs with those of a friend in desperate need of support.

If it were me, I'd keep it simple: don't ignore but offer a very succinct message of love, how much you value him and list all of the things you appreciate and adore about him. Follow this with a list of helplines, a pp detailed above, and suggest he contact them immediately so he can start to get the proper help he needs.

Don't block him but keep yourself safe too.
Good luck.

@username578999 I am going through something very similar and can completely empathize with you. It is so difficult and draining to hear a loved one in pain for so long and it definitely takes it's toll on your own mental health.
Like another poster said, it's not like we're professionally trained on how to deal with mental health problems, so that's why it's best to tell them what supports are there for them.
I think you did the right thing by setting boundaries with them and getting them to seek professional help. Just as long as they know that you still care for them and have not completely blocked them off.

My friend didn't reach out and I wish he had, it's been 7 months and we miss him every day.

I'm sorry OP it is so hard to be living this way, and hard for your friend too. I second the plan to call the police for wellfare checks every time your friend sends you messages like this. If it's an attention reach then the police checks will bring an end to them, if it's a serious cry for help then they'll help your friend.