To think my ds is spoiled and not know how to reverse it.

[miagerbies]

My ds is 9. He has no concept of the value of things. I can tell him that a computer game he wants is £45, and that's a lot, but he cannot seem to grasp exactly how much of "a lot" that is to me.

He was desperate for a Nintendo Switch, told me how all the other kids had one. I felt bad, so I worked a load of overtime, and saved for 3 months to buy him one. He was thrilled, at the time, but now it seems that switch games are all he wants. My dmil, his stepgm, bought him a supermario teddy for his birthday, and he was just disappointed that it wasn't a switch game. The other day, he asked if we sold all his other teddies and toys, could we use the money for a game? Like they mean nothing to him now. He used to adore his teddies.

His dad and I are divorced, he was our only child and he is also the only gchild on both sides, so he is basically worshipped by his family. I really worry that he isn't growing up to to be a nice person. He has 2 stepbrothers who are spoilt rotten by their dm and given computer games a few times a month, I know he's jealous and has asked me why can't be richer like his stepbrothers dm.

How can I make him show and feel some appreciation for all the wonderful things he does have? I feel so out of my depth with him sometimes.

I would restart pocket money be clear what you expect him to buy for this . Sadness isn’t a reason for that kind of money. If you want one it’s Christmas Birthday.

My son wants fifa 20 as All his friends have it . He can have it but for Christmas. He knows this.

Delayed gratification is something children are really lacking these days .

The teddy thing is normal though. I would also watch there is some balance in there does he do other activities / hobbies?

Go for pocket money, personally I don’t relate it to chores as no one will pay my son to clean his own house.

I however go an extra mean mile, I give my son 1/2 of his pocket money, the rest has to be saved. He is only four, so he gets £1 a week and the rest goes into a phone app so he can see what he has saved.

Sounds like he’s just growing up! Of course a nine year old gets fed up of teddies. And if he says he knows he’ll just get things anyway then that’s up to you to change it. I don’t think he’s spoilt he just needs to learn about effort and reward.

I think his suggestion of selling his old toys which he has out grown in a really sensible one.

But he was so sad, saying that every one in his class had one

All children, of all ages, tell their parents that everyone in their class has A B or C.

They also tell their parents that everyone in their class goes to bed later than they do.

It's just what children say. It doesn't mean it's true.

You need to keep telling him that you can't afford to buy all these games. It's too bad but it won't kill him.

Give him pocket money and tell him to save.

I agree about giving him pocket money but never ask for jobs around the hous ein exchange for it. He needs to know that people don't get paid for keeping their own homes in order - they do that because it's nice to look after your own home and keep it clean and tidy so it's cosy to live in. Pocket money is his to do what he wants with. My DC quickly learned at that age. The first few weeks they bought sweets and comics. After that they saved hard and within a few months could afford to go into town and get a new big toy they really wanted. They were proud of themselves.

Another vote for pocket money but not tied to chores.
Don't let me spend it in advance, make him save for larger purchases.
I find it really helpful for giving a sense of the value of money.

I have an 8 year old and a 5 year old. We started pocket money at about 6 for the eldest, not done it yet for the 5 year old, but he gets a comic when big bro gets his pocket money.

We don’t make him earn it -it’s weekly money to teach him about how money works. We do talk about contributing fairly to the house though -we all tidy up after ourselves, help with putting laundry away etc. He knows these basic things are expected and we don’t have to incentivise them. He can top it up with some extra unusual tasks though.

When we started I gave him 3 jars -spend, save, save and grow. We talked about short term money -sweets and comics (spend), medium term -small toys that he might need to save for a few months (save) and long term money he might want to save and grow with interest in the bank (save and grow). We opened a bank account for him. Stopped buying him random stuff outside of birthdays and Xmas. I only get him clothes really now. It is painful to see the shite he spends his money on, but ultimately it’s better to learn those lessons at 8 than 18, and this only works if I don’t bail him out by buying stuff he thinks he really wants on top of this.

He is learning the value of money pretty quickly. Birthday passed, he asked largely for money instead of gifts as he knows how he’d like to spend it.

It sounds horribly materialistic, but I also gave him a copy of the Argos catalogue when we started pocket money so he could see what stuff actually costs whether it’s something around the house that we pay for if it breaks down (washing machine etc) or toys he wants. It really helped him get some context for the stuff he thinks he needs...

I used to take my dd to 'Game'. I would show her that the brand new games were £35 or £45 but the used ones were £7 or £25 and I would tell her every single time, "The only difference is, the new ones have cellophane wrapping."

I made sure she used her Game card to build up points. The games she got bored of got sold back for points.
I would ask relatives for Game voucher/cards or specific games for birthdays or Christmas. She built up a big collection.

Definitely pocket money . My daughter who is 8 knows If she wants something more expensive she needs to save up and I think it makes her appreciate it more .

DD has a GoHenry card, she's 9yo and has had one for a while. It's great because we/she can set it up to save regularly. You put a goal in and it says how much a week to put aside. I can also ring fence money, so her grandparents have put money on for her birthday and she can't spend it unless I release it. Being a card makes it easier for us too but I appreciate that some children might prefer actual cash to physically watch it grow.

I also don't allow the kids to watch channels with adverts much. Once they do, it becomes, 'I want', 'I want', 'I want'. Might just be my kids, but once we stick to CBeebies/CBBC, they stop verbalising it so much.

We're also honest. DD also told us that everyone has a Nintendo Switch (her friend also has her own tablet and laptop!). We simply say we can't afford it and show her how expensive the games are. Because DD had money for her last birthday, she knows how much she got and how many games that amounts to. Before she spends her birthday money, we go through a list of what she wants and she looks at the prices. Last time she changed her mind from an expensive 3DS game to a cheaper one so she could buy something else too.

DD also gets pocket money on her GoHenry via earning tasks on the app. No nagging from us. She can spend this on whatever she wants, but when it's gone, it's gone.

We also don't buy expensive stuff outside of birthdays/Christmas. Happy to treat DD to things that cost a few pounds, but if it gets more than that, she pays herself. We've also watched a few things on the news about families living in B&Bs and the use of food banks, we talk about that, how there are likely to be children in her class/year group. How lucky she is etc. An age appropriate news clip can be quite powerful especially if it involves other children. Try Newsround on CBBC.

Pocket money. And give him a little cash book so he can start budgeting.

Worked an absolute treat with mine. He recently saved up 10 weeks worth of pocket money to buy something he would have demanded 6 months ago.

Can I ask why people choose cards that charge you rather than a bank account? My youngest has a Nationwide Ac, has its own debit card and online banking, manages her allowance from myself and Dad.

Give him an allowance and nothing else. Just buy him what you can afford or he can save for. He is not entitled your trying to “keep up” with his friends is making him so.

According to DS EVERYBODY in his school has very expensive phones, the last console and branded clothes or so is what he wants to make me believe. I’m reality there are very few parents that are stupid enough to give a £1000 phone to a child or buying every game they want.

Introduce him to Cex and let him save.

Exactly. My DS tells me that literally everyone in his class has the brand new iPhone 11

I think as well as pocket money you should add in a chore or two that he doesn't get paid for. Its important that children realise that everyone in a home has to contribute.

My 9yo has 2 jobs that he must do (if he doesn't then he doesn't get out to play) and £2 a week that is unlinked to any jobs. He can then earn up to another £5 a week by doing other set jobs. That way it's his choice how much, or how little, he does.- currently he's saving so he is constantly trying to pick up any jobs the other kids don't do

He just said he'd rather not have the money as he knew he'd just get things anyway

The answer is staring you in the face.

Big ticket items are Christmas and birthdays only. In the meantime it's pocket money and saving it for what he wants and chores for extra money. Tell him now whole he's not asking that he's not going to get what he wants when he wants from now on.

Then stick to it or hell will descend on you when he's a teenager and the demands get more expensive..... And the tantrums get bigger.

Start with pocket money, nothing in advance and he can save up for special games he wants. Presents are for birthday and Christmas and not because he thinks everyone has everything. Pocket money isn’t payment for helping at home. A 9 year should be doing an appropriate amount of household jobs - sorting the recycling, making his bed, bringing the dirty laundry basket down when it’s full, loading and unloading the dishwasher etc.

my granddaughter wants one for Christmas but when my daughter found out they were £300 there was no why she is buying it they don't get that much spend on them

I’m not convinced pocket money tied to consistent weekly chores will work in this case. I’d start by letting him sell his teddies but let him do the work. They’ll need to be washed and brushed, priced and either listed online or brought to a car out sale. It’s a lot more work for a lot less money than you might imagine.

I pay for chores in cash or screen time, at a consistently measly rate of 20c or 20sec per task but with the possibility to increase earnings with initiative, eg hoovering is 20c per room, but hoovering under furniture is another 20c per piece, and putting them back afterwards =20c, as does putting the hoover away. It teaches them to look properly at a job, to work for longer than 30secs but it also makes it manageable bite sized for a reluctant/overwhelmed child. I think they feel like they’re getting one over on me by finding extra things I have to pay for.

I also have jobs they are responsible for (putting their stuff away and clothes in the laundry basket) and they can’t do paid chores if these aren’t done first.

Here I don’t buy them anything except clothes etc unless it’s birthdays or Christmas, everything else they have to buy themselves from pocket money.

They have a quite a few jobs to do and they have go Henry cards so I can tick off what they have done throughout the week and on a set day they get what they’ve earned.

Can I ask why people choose cards that charge you rather than a bank account? My youngest has a Nationwide Ac, has its own debit card and online banking, manages her allowance from myself and Dad.

You can’t get accounts for children under 11 that have debit cards unless you use GoHenry or Nimbl or similar paid apps.

Ahh OP having the latest gear doesn't buy him friends. In fact it might be just the opposite, if he is going into school bragging about what he has then he is just going to alienate people.
I would never have bought a £300 gift "just because", how is he ever going to learn the value of money?

Give £5 pocket money a week.
You'll feed and clothe him, and buy everything necessary for school, but everything else he wants, comics, sweets, games, the latest must-have trainers, has to come out of his pocket money.
When he wants something, he can save up for it, and work out how many weeks to wait before he can have it. If he wants to earn extra, he will have to work out how to accomplish that. Either by selling something he already has, or by cleaning the car or whatever.