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Original poster

Help with primary school teacher please

27 replies

CoconutIce1 · 10/10/2019 19:53

Hi I really need some advice please as I don't know what steps to take or what to do. My DD is in reception and I was called today to say she had bitten two children and it was unprovoked doesn't sound like my daughter at all but I thought ok she will be punished when she's home and I apologised.

When I've got to the school now and asked what exactly happened the two teachers told me that they had tried to call her in and she refused to come in and ran up to two children and bit them both however one had a mark one did not and they had put it down to an attempted bite on the one who didn't have a mark, she was being supervised when this happened apparently, so I asked how she managed to bite kids if she was being supervised? and to do two kids it must of happened fast.

They then tell me this is was a random attack she gave no warning and she was given a detention and taken to the Y4 classroom to apologise. I then asked why are reception children allowed to be in the playground with all other years up to year 6. And was told they all play together at lunch. And that my daughter has possible issues Confused.
I told them her behaviour at home is fine and she's wearing a sticker saying she was good today and I have no concerns on her behaviour and neither did her childminder who has had her for the last 3 years.

Something didn't sound right but I thought ok she's done wrong took her tablet away and banned the tv, also told her teachers she's disclosed to me that someone is picking on her and they said that's nonsense.

About an hour after we got in my neighbour came up to see me and said had I heard about what happened with my DD at school as it was her DD who was supposedly bitten and is in Y4 by my DD.

I said yeah and told her she laughed and said that's not true at all, My DD was hiding behind a basketball thing after lunch by herself after all the classes had gone in, scared to come out and was laying on the floor, no teacher knew she was out there and she was spotted by this girl and another Y4 girl, they told my DD to come out and get up and she wouldn't as she was scared, the other girl tried to drag my DD out by the hand and my DD bit her to make her let go which I know is wrong.
They then went to find a teacher to say that my DD is hiding and won't come out when a teacher asked them what happened they said she's hiding and bit the girl when she tried to get her out, the other Y4 girl is my DDs friend and wasn't bit at all and said she didn't leave a mark on the other girl at all.
This has now been backed up by a lady who works there and see it but why did no one notice my DD hiding or recognise she was missing?
Why was she not noticed to be gone from her class? Why did they tell me she was being watched and randomly bit two kids when she wasn't and didn't do that at all?

I just don't understand now what to do as I don't feel my DD is safe there she keeps saying she doesn't want to go to school and then my DD was made to apologise in front of the class to the Y4 girl for biting her and given a detention.

OP posts:
Original poster
CoconutIce1 · 10/10/2019 19:55

Sorry that is so long just wanted to get out everything the lady who see it all happening and the teacher run out to collect my DD from the playground is willing to write it all down for me and back up what the girls and my DD has said because it is untrue the teachers lied to my face saying she done all this when she didn't Confused. I don't even know how long she'd been hiding in the playground for and it's just upsetting me my DD is 4 years old

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 10/10/2019 19:59

She did bite the girl though. But the rest of it is massively worrying. Make an appointment with the teacher to discuss what went wrong and what they plan to do to ensure it doesnt happen again.

Original poster
CoconutIce1 · 10/10/2019 20:03

That's the thing I know she bit the girl but she bit her because she was dragging my DD by her hand across a playground floor, I'm not excusing her behaviour but if a 9 or 10 year old was dragging me across a hard floor I'd probably try and defend myself also.

OP posts:
Original poster
CoconutIce1 · 10/10/2019 20:05

And even when she was dragged out she went back in to hide again the teacher still had no clue she was outside until the girls gave up and went to find someone to help. I just don't understand why the teachers told me a complete different story and said they saw it happen when they didn't. She also came in absolutely starving and had two plates of dinner and said she didn't eat at school she never really eats dinner so now I'm worried about that also, because was she hiding at dinner time? Confused

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 10/10/2019 20:15

You need to go to school and speak to the staff rather than listening to second or third hand stories.

Original poster
CoconutIce1 · 10/10/2019 20:20

@Soontobe60 have you read the thread ? I have spoken to staff and what they told me is complete bollocks it's not third hand story's it's the actual truth. A member of staff has wrote down everything she saw which backs what the girls have said to their parents tonight. My DD hasn't said a word to me about anything

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Ridiclious · 10/10/2019 20:23

This sounds like teachers trying to cover their arses to me. If your neighbour's DD told her the story off her own bat then it's as pure a version as you're going to get. If it sounds like a more plausible explanation of your DD's behaviour then present it as an alternative to the teachers and see what their response is.

NailsNeedDoing · 10/10/2019 20:24

It sounds like the teacher wouldn't have had time to realise a child was missing I felt this happened right after lunch break when the children's went inside. Maybe the teacher hadn't had a chance to do the afternoon register before the older girls made it known that she was still outside when she shouldn't have been.

Ask for clarification on what happened, but be aware that in the tiny amount of time in between the incident happening and you being told, the teacher will have been teaching and may not have been able to talk to lunchtime staff or find out what really happened.

It is right that your dd was made to apologise for biting, she should also be told off for staying outside when she was meant to go in because she needs to know that it's both unacceptable and unsafe to hide like she did.

june2007 · 10/10/2019 20:28

Go back to school say what you have heard, Get all children involved in room together so that you can here the real story.

RainbowSparkles · 10/10/2019 21:12

So your reception aged child was left outside in the playground by herself? This is a safeguarding issue and needs to be addressed.
In my school all children in reception, yr 1&2 are counted back into the classroom after every break and lunchtime, this is to ensure that every child is accounted for.
Yes, your DD was wrong to bite but it sounds like she was scared, did you ask your DD why she was hiding in the first place @CoconutIce1
You need to ask for a meeting with the headteacher in the morning to ask why the teacher hadn’t made sure they had all of their children when returning to class and why they claimed they were supervising your DD when she bite the other child when they weren’t.

Soontobe60 · 10/10/2019 21:19

Your neighbour wasn't there at the time. She's telling you what her daughter told her. If your DD was hiding in the playground with no adult around, then so was her DD! If it was at the end of a break time, then the teachers may not have had time to realise your DD had not returned to class.
My point I made was you need to go back to the school, tell them what your neighbour has told you along with what the 'lady who saw it all happen' told you. Just out of interest, who was this witness and why did she not take your DD into class or stop the older girls pulling her from behind the tree? She's not covering herself in glory!

Littlemeadow123 · 10/10/2019 21:26

Sounds like it was a frightened bite? Which begs the question of what made her so frightened of going inside that she felt the need to bite? I'd definitely set up a meeting with the teachers.

Original poster
CoconutIce1 · 10/10/2019 21:28

@Soontobe60 I'm not sure why she didn't stop it to be honest and the older girls class room looks out into the basketball thing I think that's how the girls see her hiding I have no idea I didn't think to ask , it happened around 1.30-2pm so I don't know how long she was out there. And my point was the woman who saw it hadn't spoken to the other girls but they've told me the exact same story so if it wasn't true how would they both know exactly what happened? It doesn't make any sense as to why it's completely different from what the school has told me. And the woman is a teaching assistant I think she lives in our apartment building

OP posts:
Original poster
CoconutIce1 · 10/10/2019 21:31

@RainbowSparkles How do I ask for a meeting with the head do I go to the school office and go from there? I've asked for a meeting with her teachers and to speak to them again , but to be honest I don't see the point as we got no where today and I don't want to fobbed off again.

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winewolfhowls · 10/10/2019 21:39

I think you should focus your attention on your child that bites to be honest. The rest sounds a complete mix of truth and reality. By all means challenge the school's safeguarding but be clear about your facts first. You don't seem very sorry about the poor girl that was bitten!

Soontobe60 · 10/10/2019 21:40

Phone school in the morning and ask to speak to the Head.
The TA has acted very poorly I'm afraid. If she were a TA in my school and she went and told a parent out of school about something that had happened in school she may well receive a verbal warning. What she should have done was to tell a member of staff in school what she saw happen. In this case, the class teacher or a senior leader. That way, the incident could have been thoroughly investigated to ensure you had the full facts as soon as possible.
Because she didn't act, your DD may have been wrongly punished.

bobstersmum · 10/10/2019 21:40

I wouldn't send her in tomorrow until I'd had a meeting with everyone concerned to get to the bottom of what actually happened. Can your dd not tell you her version?

Original poster
CoconutIce1 · 10/10/2019 21:40

I'm going to leave this thread now because it's upsetting me and stressing me out but I will update it tomorrow when I speak to them again. I don't even want to send her in anymore because I feel like I don't know what's happening there Sad

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winewolfhowls · 10/10/2019 21:42

Perhaps make some notes and try a letter if phoning is getting you nowhere but pick your battles, such as the issue that your child feels bullied, which is obviously important

Original poster
CoconutIce1 · 10/10/2019 21:43

@bobstersmum she won't talk about it at all just says she's not going to school anymore, and no to the other poster who said I don't sound sorry, I'm not sorry my child bit someone who is 5 years older than her when I've been told my kids been dragged across a playground the fact her back was red when she come in backs that up also, I didn't see it till she was home and undressed.

OP posts:
RainbowSparkles · 10/10/2019 22:04

@CoconutIce1 call the school office first thing tomorrow and arrange a meeting with the headteacher, explain that you have concerns about your child safety at school and do not want to send her back to school until you can be assured that today’s incident has been fully investigated and what things will be put into place to ensure that she (and any other child) will not be left alone in the playground again.
This isn’t a simple case that a child hasn’t returned to the classroom when the bell/whistle has gone as 4/5 year olds and mostly (where I live) children up to yr6 are collected by the teacher who usually checks that all children are in the line before leading the in and younger children have a TA at the end of the line too.
Judgement about the bite needs to be reserved for after the headteacher has investigated.
I hope you get this sorted quickly

RainbowSparkles · 10/10/2019 22:07

Did you take photos of her back? If so please show them to the headteacher during the meeting.
If it helps write down what you want to say beforehand especially if you are an emotional person as it will help you stick to the facts

MrsAmaretto · 10/10/2019 23:03

I’d be wanting to find out why she was scared in the first place. What’s happened to her to make her behave this way?

I hope your daughter is okay x

Redlocks28 · 10/10/2019 23:14

The TA has acted very poorly I'm afraid. If she were a TA in my school and she went and told a parent out of school about something that had happened in school she may well receive a verbal warning.

Totally agree. The head will view this in a very dim light.

Why didn’t your daughter go inside with the rest of her class at the end of lunch?

ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords · 10/10/2019 23:17

A member of staff has wrote down everything she saw which backs what the girls have said to their parents tonight.

So this person is a TA, who knows where you live, and she decided to write down what she saw happen and bring it to your house, rather than report it to a member of SMT?

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