What should I do? Re son and his dad

[Neatorcele]

Name changed as could be outing

I had son when I was 16 and his dad was 16. His dad wasn't ready to be a dad so I told him if/when he is to contact me and we could arrange to meet up. Son is now 5 (6 in December) and his dad has got in contact saying he wants contact with son so we met up at the weekend and son wouldn't go to him or speak to him. Son isn't shy so I don't know why he wouldn't.

His dad is upset and has told me to forget it then as his son doesn't want to know him and he's said he would be a terrible dad anyway.

Advice please

His dad is upset and has told me to forget it then as his son doesn't want to know him and he's said he would be a terrible dad anyway.

He still hasn't grown up has he?

Your 5 year old son doesn't know this man. What did his 'dad' expect?

I think it sounds like you rushed it to be honest. Maybe you should have shown your son - who is still very small - photos and videos - first then had a meeting in a park or somewhere.
It sounds like his Dad expected far too much and if he's going to give up after one attempt then your poor little boy really doesn't need to be confused any more.

He’s only five, what does he expect?

My son is four, he recently met my boyfriend for the first time, as expected he pretty much ignored my boyfriend on the first meet, which is a normal reaction for many young children. The second time he was more confident and interacted more, but in young children it’s a slow process to gain trust.

You can’t expect a child to quickly gain the trust of a new adult, it’s a slow process and relies on the adult being very careful to let the child lead the pace of introductions.

We didn't meet him in the park. I asked son what he thought of him and he said 'he's good'

What on earth would possess you to tell a small child that a man he had never met before was his dad? 🙄🤷‍♀️

When he met his dad i didn't say who he was because he wouldn't talk to him but yesterday I told him.

And how did he respond? What did he say? Did he just accept it or did he have lots of questions?

You ask for advice but this is like getting blood from a stone...

He just accepted it and didn't have any questions.

His dad has messaged saying he does want a relationship with son and wants to see him again.

Ok cool. Is he off work today? If so, say to your son 'how would you feel about going for lunch with X today?'
I'd use his name rather than 'daddy' as he doesn't know him from Adam.

Let your son lead this. Run all decisions by him first. It'll be confusing for him so he needs to know he has a say.

Yes he's off work today.

Thank you I will ask him.

He doesnt sound mature enough for this.having a little tantrum over a child who doesnt know
Him
Not speaking to him.

OP is being the responsible parent here and giving him the chance. She has bought a little boy up on her own for 5 years and is willing to give his dad a second and third chance.
She's not going to refuse contact as it's her son who would suffer.

The father had a panic because it's not as easy as he expected it to be. If

The dad should of expected this and I think you should of met him alone first to e a feel of how he's going to be... then talked to DS, explained an asked if he wanted to meet him an he chooses a place he feels comfy.
But if he's going to give up so easy just don't bother putting yourself out or your DS through it. You've managed long enough wouldn't think about I again an don't give him the opportunity because he's clearly a waste to not want keep making effort an says it's cos DS doesn't wana know him. He's obviosuly thinking who the fuck are you an why do you want to know me now x