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Original poster

Husband died without a will

81 replies

ffswhatnext · 09/10/2019 10:36

I found out about a week ago that my husband died without a will.
As far as I know, everything would come to myself/our children.

However, we split years ago and he has since made a new life (no children involved not that it's relevant) and has joint assets with his partner.

Firstly I want to reassure her I don't want anything. It's up to our children if they want anything.
Secondly, how can I help sort this out quickly?

She hasn't approached me or our children. I understand that she is grieving and trying to sort everything. Plus she might not be aware that a shit storm is about to head her way. He was a big believer in the common-law wife/husband fallacy.

But I also want to do it without intruding. None of us has spoken to her before.

OP posts:
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 09/10/2019 11:48

He was a big believer in the common-law wife/husband fallacy.

It's infuriating how many people choose to obstinately persist with this. However much you might disagree with a law which seems (to you) outrageous or ludicrous, it makes not a jot of difference. Personally, I believe the law as it stands is correct - nobody should be forced by default to take on the responsibilities and implications of marriage unless they actively choose to do so.

The fault was with the ExH remaining married to the woman whom he no longer wished to consider his wife, instead of making it legal via divorce.

You can fervently believe all you want that lions are just slightly bigger versions of harmless little fluffy pussy cats, but if you jump into their cage at the zoo, just before feeding time, your strong conviction won't help you one bit.

Flamingolegs · 09/10/2019 11:56

The costs for dealing with his estate should come out of his money and not yours - you might be asked to pay something upfront to pay for applications but you should get it back.

Was there definitely no Will?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 09/10/2019 12:01

The children are now adults. Morally I will be told to keep the lot as he never paid child support (long, complicated).

That settles it completely, then.

In that case, it's extremely simple - take all of the money, keep as much as you feel he still owes YOU (e.g. for all the childcare and other costs that you bore, sacrificing your then-present and future earning prospects and the many other out-of-pocket expenses you had no option but to pay) - if you prefer to forego this and draw a line under it for any reason, that's entirely your decision - and then pass the rest on in full to your children as some form of compensation for the far better lifestyle that their father should have provided for them as children but chose not to do so at the time, preferring to steal their much better lifestyle for himself.

No way should that money go to a grown woman who was financially independent of him rather than making good (as much as possible) on all of his child-related costs that he willingly incurred but decided never to pay when they were required. It's not her fault that he didn't pay, but she equally has no moral right to that money now, as it's owed to his children - not just as their inheritance as adults but as their compensation as children.

HeyNotInMyName · 09/10/2019 12:17

The problem is, you dnt now if she was actually financially independent from him.
She might have been on paper but they might have pooled their income or at least some of it which then means she was dependent on him. And peole mentioned who is the official owner of the car, the house etc... too

Dyrne · 09/10/2019 12:25

YY to making sure any costs of solicitors etc will come out of the estate! (Even if you have to pay up front and then take it out of the inheritance). A good solicitor should help advise you with this.

BrieAndChilli · 09/10/2019 12:33

this happened to my husbands family

his nan and grandad split up years and years ago (when my MIL, her sister and brother were teens) but theynever divorced. the grandad went on to have a very long term relationship and another child.
He then died and (apart from the new partners assets that were in here name or she owned jointly - not sure of the legal terms) it ALL went to his Nan. luckily they were all on fairly good terms so they came to the arrangment that it would be split amongst all the children and DH nan signed away her rights to it.
slightly different as the step nan had been abig part of MILs life as his nan had moved away after the split so she had been a mother figure to them.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/10/2019 12:39

Morally I will be told to keep the lot as he never paid child support.

Then take your due. And ensure your children get their fair share. Don’t forget that he is with a woman, who by staying with him condoned his giving nothing for his offspring.

I’m not saying to clear her out or to go for the jugular. Rather to remember she didn’t give you and your children the jot of care you are giving to her.

MamaRaisingBoys · 09/10/2019 12:43

It’s easy enough to check title deeds online isn’t it? If you know his address I’d do that first to see if they were joint tenants or tenants in common. If they’re joint tenants you know you can just forget about that aspect of the situation completely. And it’ll make it easier if you’re not dealing with this woman’s home/help you decide how to approach her

justasking111 · 09/10/2019 12:46

This happened to a friend of DH, he intended to leave everything to his own sons, died suddenly left a partner, her children had stripped out the house, bank accounts, took mum back with them, sold the house while the sons thought to wait a respectable time. Mum was shoved in a nursing home and her children reaped the profit.

So do not hang about.

Original poster
ffswhatnext · 09/10/2019 12:54

I know there is no will. She let the dc's know about his death and it was mentioned in conversation. Until now she didn't know we were still married.
Reassuring to know I can get back costs. The earliest appointment I can get is for next week. Which gives me time to really get my thoughts together and write a list of questions.

And of course, I want to ensure our dc's get what's rightfully theirs without screwing myself over as a result.

This is selfish but I don't care if she is independent on him or not. My priority is the dc's and I don't end up with a massive bill.

OP posts:
Original poster
ffswhatnext · 09/10/2019 12:59

@justasking111 that is a concern I have. Hopefully because she not only knew about the dc's she's now aware he's married, this will give her something to consider if that was her plan.
Hence I want to act fast but whilst respecting her loss.

OP posts:
Sewbean · 09/10/2019 13:00

She didn't know her partner was still married? That must have been a bit of a shock. People make their lives so complicated. And then they die and leave other people to deal with the consequences.

justasking111 · 09/10/2019 13:07

She will be grieving but you can bet those around her will be switched on now they know about the legal ramifications.

FunkySnidge · 09/10/2019 13:26

This is your children's inheritance. Why should they miss out even more than they already may have just because he didn't do things 'properly'.

I think you should recieve the inheritance to which you are legally entitled and use it to give your children a leg up in life. Why should they fund his partner?

I'm sure you can find a sensitive solution but it shouldn't be at your expense.

Original poster
ffswhatnext · 09/10/2019 13:36

Thank you. This thread has given me a lot more to consider. Glad I started it now and will be better prepared than I was when I see a solicitor (still looking to see if I can get someone this week).

OP posts:
loulou0987 · 09/10/2019 13:47

Why will it be a shit storm??

Original poster
ffswhatnext · 09/10/2019 15:20

Because he left no will his partner is in potentially a very vulnerable position.
And because of this thread I have averted a lot of issues for me, had I said to her I don't want a thing. Just let's make it fair for our dc's.

Plus I don't know how she is going to react once the penny drops about what she could lose. If she gets rid of things now, it's a lengthy legal battle.

I'm not going to contact her. I'm going to start the legal route and assure her now I'm not going for the jugular. They can word it so it protects me and our dc's. Plus I know I will need to keep it amicable to get documents from her which will be quicker than trying to do it myself. Although not relying on open honesty hence another reason for the legal route.

OP posts:
EileenAlanna · 09/10/2019 15:57

Your ex decided not to divorce. He decided not to tell the woman he was living with that he was a married man. Why he did this is anyone's guess but the upshot is he knew full well that you would be his legal widow in the event of his death. Regardless of what views he had on "Common Law" marriages even he would be perfectly well aware that you can only have one wife at a time.
You say you're skint. Hardly surprising when you've spent years bringing up DC & keeping a roof over their heads without a penny in support from their father. Whatever is legally yours, you should claim.
Is there any life insurance? If she isn't specifically named as the beneficiary on it then it's yours, claim it. Same with his pension.
His partner has no children - at least none by your ex - & has had x number of years being able to work full time, build up her own pension, savings etc with the benefit of 2 incomes in the relationship. You don't "owe" her anything, neither do your children. You have no moral obligation to make good any lack of provision for her on your late ex's part. She knew he had children. How much was she throwing their way while they were young?
Get a solicitor onto it & make no "promises" to her about what you will or won't claim, she or her wider family could use that against you very quickly. Since your ex wasn't senile he knew exactly what would happen in the event of his death so take that as him effectively leaving a Will, as a way to make up for his terrible treatment of his children & you.

jay55 · 09/10/2019 16:53

Do any of your DCs have legal cover even though you don't? Might be worth them getting legal advice too, if they have cover.

If you had divorced, you would have had a financial settlement, which likely would have included part of his pension...

VanGoghsDog · 09/10/2019 17:00

Him still being married doesn't make that much difference to his partner (other than emotional) in terms of any inheritance. If you had been divorced and he had no will, she still would not inherit, the kids would.

So, the fact he chose not to marry her, and she presumably accepted that, shows he did not intend a legal obligation to her. And it is therefore quite right that any estate goes to his kids, wether that is via the op or not doesn't make any difference to the partner.

justasking111 · 09/10/2019 17:24

You must contact his pension provider if you know who he worked for they will steer you in the right direction. My friend had to do that. The solicitor will make it all clear. As you say best to avoid the other family and play your cards close to your chest.

AnneKipanki · 09/10/2019 17:39

You must be careful not to "gift" and leave yourself liable for a tax bill.

Abraid2 · 09/10/2019 17:46

You need to consider your future pension. If you weren’t working and paying in because of childcare responsibilities you will be left with a tiny state pension.

PicsInRed · 09/10/2019 18:31

It seems pretty clear that he intended for you to inherit - as he remained married to you and made no will.

This wasn't an accident. He probably felt more comfortable being a tight prick because "well, she'll get it in the end" - so he didn't need to share whilst alive.

Take your due and either share with you kids now or leave to them later. You were stiffed by this man and so were the children. Give his partner only what she's legally entitled to. She was a willing accomplice. Sucks to be her. 🤷‍♀️

VanGoghsDog · 09/10/2019 18:31

The estate pays the inheritance tax, not the beneficiaries. The estate should be distributed post tax.

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