Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

With a body like that you shouldn’t ever have to work

64 replies

JustaAggie · 08/10/2019 23:22

Quick poll: If a male colleague (more senior than you) said this to you would you

a) laugh off as banter in the context of the conversation

b) report to someone else

c) slap them with a sexual harassment suit quicker than you can say compensation

OP posts:

coffeeagogo · 09/10/2019 07:13

I would have probably gone with D. (Out of shock someone said that!)

Will you see him today OP? I would we how he speaks to you going forward, if respectfully you could probably write it off as a brain fart but he could go the other way and feel like he has crossed the line and could be (even more) of an arsehole or more sleazy.

AmIThough · 09/10/2019 07:15

@JustaAggie I do understand what you're saying, and I'm sorry you've had to deal with so many shitty men.

I just think from what you've said it sounds more like him just taking the 'banter' a bit far rather than being a genuine perv.

If you normally get on well I'd let it slide.

If you do feel like he needs to be pulled up on it, take him to one side and let him know how it made you feel. He'll probably be really embarrassed, especially as he realised his comment was inappropriate immediately.

SinkGirl · 09/10/2019 07:36

It wasn't malicious, he was trying to compliment you (and failed) and apologised when he realised it sounded shit

I am staggered by the comments here like the one above.

So sexual harassment is okay when it’s meant as a compliment? Do you not realise that all men who sexually harass women think it’s a compliment?

I wish I were shocked that the attitude of gross men is now being repeated by women.

OP, you deserve to go to work and live your life without random men making sexual comments to you. You deserve not to then have to waste precious time and energy worrying about it, over thinking it, deciding what to do.

I would report it. And every woman who receives comments like this should report them. I understand why women are afraid to do so, but I don’t understand why women think it’s okay if it’s a compliment!

PickedByYou · 09/10/2019 07:38

I'd go with E). I'd pull him up on it tomorrow. It's really inappropriate and obnoxious.
I'd ask to speak to him and carefully explain that you have given it some thought and want to explain to him why it was such an awful thing to say. Then I'd give him a polite lecture.

Both of my daughters are in their early twenties and it's shocked me how much of this crap they have to put up with. The fact they are both very slim with big boobs and fab figures really doesn't help (Yes i understand that many young females are subjected to sexist comments and that looks are irrelevant)
One of my daughters get particularly upset about it. It makes her feel like she is being letched at all the time. She worries about what she wears in case it attracts unwanted attention.
The latest incident was her boss telling her she has a fantastic figure and that she must work out a lot. He's a 45 year old. She is 23. What a wanker. He's made sure the comment isn't too obviously creepy but he's managed to make her feel very uncomfortable and like he is watching her. 🤮🤮 She did call him out about it and he dismissed it as an innocent compliment. I bet He wouldn't say it to a bloke.
OP, you need to stand up for all the other women who have to put up with this crap. We've got to get to a point where everyone knows that it's not acceptable to behave like a pervy creep. It's not a high bar. 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻

ArfArfBarf · 09/10/2019 07:45

He managed to be sleazy and sexist in one comment. Depending on the culture of your business, I’d have a chat with a supportive senior team member and see what they suggest. I think it deserves to be reported but in some businesses there are people like on here who will think you are tattling and it could impact on your career.

To those defending him, apologising for “letting it slip out” doesn’t really negate the sentiment does it.

Sron · 09/10/2019 08:19

So sexual harassment is okay when it’s meant as a compliment? Do you not realise that all men who sexually harass women think it’s a compliment?

I agree, @SinkGirl.

If you find that kind of remark 'complimentary', you really want to take a long hard look at yourself and your standards for how other people behave towards you.

Velveteenfruitbowl · 09/10/2019 08:21

I normal opt for a hard stare or a confused ‘Did you mean to say that aloud?’

CampingItUp · 09/10/2019 08:25

There are other options.

At the merest hint if any further “bantz” from him say really firmly “apart from being an extremely sexist comment it is inappropriate. Leave me alone “.

AnotherEmma · 09/10/2019 08:31

Everything that SinkGirl said.
If a woman feels comfortable and confident enough to challenge a man directly about his sexual harassment towards her, good for her.
But in a work environment it is perfectly acceptable and probably more appropriate for HR or a manager to do the challenging and reminding about laws and policies.
It may be that more training is needed in which case they need to know so they can set it up.

AnotherEmma · 09/10/2019 08:33

(The problem sexual harassment is that the woman on the receiving end is shocked and embarrassed by it, so it's perfectly normal not to come straight out with an assertive response.)

ohsoplump · 09/10/2019 08:43

If you find that kind of remark 'complimentary', you really want to take a long hard look at yourself and your standards for how other people behave towards you.

My response would probably have been "I wish!" So, I suppose I'd better go and find a mirror too.

Greyhound22 · 09/10/2019 18:22

I'm actually more depressed by the comments on here about it being a compliment/banter rather than being surprised he said it.

It was absolutely horrid. In so many ways. It means he's been 'checking you out' and the implications that attractive women don't have to work so hard etc

I would have done the same as you at the time.

I think what you do next depends - you would be totally right to report it - depending how you feel I would either speak to him tomorrow and say 'I've had time to think about what you said - it was really inappropriate and if you say anything similar again I will report it' or possibly 'log' it with a manager that you feel will understand.

You may wish to just leave it for now - but I would he careful he wasn't testing the waters of what he can get away with so to speak. It may have just been a horrid error on his behalf but honestly what a creepy thing to 'just slip out'.

CampingItUp · 09/10/2019 19:38

There was a thread on here last week by a woman whose ex colleague sent her flirty texts, including a naked shot with a jam jar in front of his dick after she said she liked jam. She reported it and in doing do found that he had harassed 3 other women at work..

So, there is something to be said for reporting these creeps: it can build a picture. Even if you have been able to give them an assertive response yourself

AuntyElle · 09/10/2019 20:24

Really important point, CampingItUp.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread