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Original poster

With a body like that you shouldn’t ever have to work

64 replies

JustaAggie · 08/10/2019 23:22

Quick poll: If a male colleague (more senior than you) said this to you would you

a) laugh off as banter in the context of the conversation

b) report to someone else

c) slap them with a sexual harassment suit quicker than you can say compensation

OP posts:
MoltonSilver · 08/10/2019 23:54

I'd take it up with him again tomorrow and say it was completely inappropriate.

VenusTiger · 08/10/2019 23:55

What a letch! At least you know what he’s thinking, can’t be more honest than that can he!
You should ask him if he ever compliments his wife that way.

MonChatEstMagnifique · 09/10/2019 00:12

I'm sure he thought it was a compliment and you would be flattered. 😷

I'd probably have said 'Jesus, do you realise you actually said that out loud? How is your wife?' It wouldn't have bothered me, I wouldn't report it unless there was more but if you feel uncomfortable then you should report it as it's inappropriate. The fact that he's married makes him a bastard. There's plenty of them about unfortunately.

1forAll74 · 09/10/2019 00:12

I would say, ! yes you are correct! and walk off,and feel sorry for him for being such a thicko.

GrandmaSteglitszch · 09/10/2019 00:19

"Seriously" along with deadpan stare.

Sron · 09/10/2019 00:22

‘I’m embarrassed for you that you thought that was an acceptable thing to say out loud to any woman, far less a colleague in your workplace. You might want to ask HR for some training in not letting your inner dinosaur ‘slip out’, as it’s likely to get you in trouble.’

Or kick him and say ‘Whoops, sorry, it just slipped out!’

Rachelover60 · 09/10/2019 00:28

D

He did say it just slipped out.
(I'd wonder what had slipped out)

AuntyElle · 09/10/2019 00:34

B, that’s absolutely unacceptable, totally objectifying and undermining of you as a colleague. Just slipped out, my arse!

DramaAlpaca · 09/10/2019 00:35

I'd have raised an eyebrow, given him a hard stare & said 'what did you just say?' Asking them to repeat it gives them time to think about the inappropriateness of what they said & apologise.

Passtherioja · 09/10/2019 00:36

I agree with the deadpan stare or "really" options!!!

Cut him dead and if he does it again then make it clearer in a "don't speak to me like that" style ...

...but three times then report him but we don't need to report everything first time...and if we do then I've met some professional women who are on very thin ice with what there say about men!!

Thefemalekeithrichards · 09/10/2019 00:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thecatneuterer · 09/10/2019 00:46

(A). Yes it was stupid and inappropriate but, assuming he doesn't have 'previous', it wouldn't particularly bother me. However I'm just saying what my reaction would be - that absolutely doesn't mean I think you should feel the same way.

palahvah · 09/10/2019 01:04

Whether or not it bothered you/ you were able to laugh it off, he is fostering a sexualised and sexist environment by saying it.
I hope you feel able to report it.

ExhaustedFlamingo · 09/10/2019 01:08

So, preparing to be flamed here but I don't see this as sexism. I mean, it COULD be, but it's not necessarily sexist.

It's a bloke either having clumsy banter after the OP joked herself that she tries not to work unless she has to, or a bit of a sleazy flirt. I'd lean towards the latter. But being a sleazy flirt isn't sexist - it's being a sleazy flirt.

I've seen plenty of women make inappropriate comments to men over the years particularly in offices where the bloke is outnumbered. That's not saying it makes it right but I don't think it's an issue confined to women and I think it's creepy and unwelcome, but not sexist.

If it's the first time, I'd have probably had a bit of banter back - but that depends on his personality and how well you get on. I'd have likely said something daft along the lines of "Well, yeah, I tried working street corners but the hours weren't great" but that's because I tend to use humour to defuse situations.

If he said it in a really obviously slimy way, or he had a history of inappropriate comments, I'd have made a crack about his wife.

I mean, he sounds like a dickhead and a bit of a pervy lech, but unless he's demeaning how well you work or it was a persistent problem, I'm not sure how much I'd care.

Bouledeneige · 09/10/2019 01:19

E) I'd call him out on it.

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 09/10/2019 01:35

Can I vote b, c, and d? Fucking dinosaur.

Soola · 09/10/2019 02:21

@ExhaustedFlamingo I agree with you.

My answer would usually most likely be A under the circumstances.

MoodyBitch · 09/10/2019 05:01

Option A for me.

MajesticWhine · 09/10/2019 05:08

I wouldn't report on the basis of this. I would if there was a next time though, and would be ready with a good reply.

Original poster
JustaAggie · 09/10/2019 06:45

Absolutely the first time he has ever said anything like that and we’ve worked together for a year.

So either he’s done a good job of hiding who he really is or it was a genuine brain fart and he didn’t sleep last night worried I’m going to report him.

I’m under a name change so I don’t mind saying this but the most upsetting aspect for me is that it felt like he really valued me for my work and input to the team. Turns out he’s just another fucking perv playing the long game. I’m so sick of men.

OP posts:
AmIThough · 09/10/2019 06:51

You can make an inappropriate comment without 'playing the long game'.

It sounds like you have a lot of 'banter' - he clearly overstepped a line but it doesn't sound massively out of context of your conversation.

He made a douchebag comment but that doesn't necessarily mean he wants to jump your bones.

I was on your side til your latest post.

Original poster
JustaAggie · 09/10/2019 07:03

@AmIThough, fair enough. But I’ve known a number of men who’ve acted like they wanted to be my friend/respected me and then the second they’ve got a drink inside them or they feel like it’s safe have hit me with a come on or some cheap comment. Excuse me if it just feels like the same old shit again.

OP posts:
Bourbonbiccy · 09/10/2019 07:09

I think only you really know how he made you feel. If he has upset you to the point you want him disciplined, then yes, you should report him. I personally wouldn't report in this instance, but I would make it clear it simply is not acceptable to speak to staff in the way

I wouldn't take it that he's playing a long game and doesn't value your Input, he should never had said it, no. You sound like you have a good relationship before this, have you ever joked about things like this or is it the first instance ?

Milanimilani · 09/10/2019 07:10

I’m sorry this happened to you. Whether you do anything or not, it will make work uncomfortable for you. I had to report a guy at work, but he harassed me for quite a while. I kept telling him to go back to his wife and say nice things. I do feel that I would not have been taken seriously if it had been a one-off and I had not asked him to stop first.

Milanimilani · 09/10/2019 07:10

*nice things to his wife