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Original poster

Twins and party invite

35 replies

SheStoodInTheStorm · 08/10/2019 11:45

Hi all.

Dd will be having a very small party for her birthday at a place where we will be paying per head. One of her friends at school is a twin and she wants to invite her, but doesn't play with the other twin at all and never mentions her.

What is the etiquette for inviting one twin and not the other?

Thanks.

OP posts:
BigSandyBalls2015 · 08/10/2019 11:46

Absolutely fine to invite only one. I have twins and was pleased when they socialised separately.

MyOtherProfile · 08/10/2019 11:48

Are they in the same class? If not then that's easier. If they are I think it's a bit trickier.

RunsForGummyBears · 08/10/2019 11:49

They are individual people, not a set. You don't have to invite both.

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INeedNewShoes · 08/10/2019 11:49

I don't have twins but I have heard twins say that they didn't like being treated as 'come as a pair' and preferred being treated as individuals. So on that basis I think it's probably a good thing to only invite the one who is a friend.

Floralnomad · 08/10/2019 11:51

It’s fine to just invite one however how old are we talking , because if it’s an age where parents still stay it may be a bit awkward .

NoSauce · 08/10/2019 11:52

Personally I would invite them both. I would feel uncomfortable not doing if I’m honest. I’m not saying that’s the right thing to do, just what I would do.

Teddybear45 · 08/10/2019 11:53

Just invite the twin that is your daughter’s friend.

EmpressJewel · 08/10/2019 11:53

My DD has two sets of twins in her year but the twins have been split so that they are in different classes. We had a class party for DD and only invited the twin in DDs class. Both parents texted and asked if they could bring the twin. As it was a party in a hall, it was fine.

If it's a pay per head party, I would invite the friend and mention to the parent that they could bring the other twin if they wanted to pay for them. I don't know if that's the correct etiquette.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 08/10/2019 11:58

They are individual people, of course you only invite the one your child plays with...

Nobody would incite Sophie and her 5 siblings just because they are siblings so why with twins? They may of been in a womb the same time but they are separate people

sunnyshowers · 08/10/2019 11:59

Its fine to invite one. My twins are rarely invited together

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 08/10/2019 12:04

As a mother of twins I'd say definitely only invite the one your DD is friends with.

Wild123 · 08/10/2019 12:09

Twins in my daughters class and they get invited separate sometimes. I'd say it was normal.

firelightbright · 08/10/2019 12:11

We invited only one twin to my sons party and it was fine.

BeefTomato · 08/10/2019 12:24

Only invite the one that your child is friends with. It's nice for twins to be able to socialise separately and be seen as individuals. As long as you're not inviting half the class it's not an issue. I am a twin and I have twins, and I would be happy if only one of my twins was invited to a party.

I worry that sometimes one of my twins is left out of parties because the parents don't want to invite the other, so leave them both out.

Starburst8 · 08/10/2019 12:28

Twin here... I remember when we were younger we didn't both always get invited to parties. If the party wasn't one of my friends i didn't get invited and vice versa.
I would say it's OK to just invite the twin that is friends with your child. After all they maybe twins but they're still separate people and you wouldn't invite a sibling that isn't friends with your child. Twins are no different :)

GreenTulips · 08/10/2019 12:37

I have twins
Preferred separate invites as they are their own people

Not all twin mothers do this though

Hellbentwellwent · 08/10/2019 12:44

I have twins and I’d be gutted for my twins if only one got invited to a party BUT, they’re only 4 and in the same class so have the same classmates and friends.

So totally depends on age and if they’re in the same class

VladmirsPoutine · 08/10/2019 12:47

You've somewhat answered your own question. It's a "very small party" and you're paying "per head", therefore it's fine to leave out the other twin. Think of it like you would if other invitees had older or younger siblings - you wouldn't automatically extend an invite to them either.

Original poster
SheStoodInTheStorm · 08/10/2019 12:57

Thank you all!

The other child is in the other class. There will only be 8 of them in total, including DD.

I think I worry because I know how it feels to not be invited to things, but there are also a lot of other children who won't get to come. We've done the big parties in halls and this year I just want someone else to do all the hard work!

Do you think I should message the parent about it or just not make a big deal?

OP posts:
StepawayfromtheBiscuittin · 08/10/2019 12:59

I'm a twin. If they are in separate classes it's fine to only invite your DDs friend.
It's good for twins to build their own identity and independence.

BeefTomato · 08/10/2019 13:22

SheStoodInTheStorm I wouldn't worry about messaging the parent, don't make a big thing of it. They will understand, especially as the other twin is in another class.

NoNoNoOohmaybe · 08/10/2019 13:56

I think it depends on the age of the kids. This happened to mine when they were 3.5 and I didn't send either of them as they were too little to understand only one being invited and they were in same preschool class.

They're now 4 and in school and still in the same class. If it was all girls and my boy didn't get invited it'd be fine but I think they'd find it difficult if it was a mixed party and only one got invited. But mine do play together and with similar friends some of the time.

I'd hope as they get older they'd have separate invites as they're not a couple.

Sorry think that was no help at all!

bluebluezoo · 08/10/2019 14:00

It depends on the parents.

Some are pleased the twins are treated as individuals and get time apart.

Others insist one goes they both go. I know one twin parent who extended this for everything- twin 1 wasn’t allowed a part in a play if twin 2 didn’t also get one, twin 2 wasn’t allowed to move up a group in ballet unless twin 1 was chosen too (non identical with very different personalities).

Thing is you don’t know in advance which one your parent is...

PrincessConsuelaTheSecond · 08/10/2019 14:25

I have twins and for the love of god please only invite one Grin

Mine are 12 and still sleep in the same bedroom (despite having their own rooms), eat together and sit in the bathroom whilst the other one showers. They tried different classes at school and ended up being moved to the same class because they couldn’t cope with being apart.

I wish to god we had spent more time building their independence when they were small!

thewalrus · 08/10/2019 14:37

I have twins (B/G) in the same class. Fine to invite one in my view. I always saw it as nice for the one who was invited, and also nice to spend time with the other one doing something they like/inviting a friend over etc. Especially as it's a small party and they're in different classes, I think this is completely OK!

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