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Original poster

'You'll get square eyes' and other lighthearted threats

31 replies

wanderings · 08/10/2019 08:12

What nonsensical threats do you like to make to your children, or remember from your childhood? (Lighthearted please, no replies saying "never threaten something and not follow it through".) Here are some I remember:

Don't put your feet near the fire; you'll get them burnt off, like Pinocchio.
If you wear your trainers or wellies without socks, your toes might disappear.
If you put stones down that drain cover (under which rushing water was heard), a troll is going to sail along in his little boat, lift up the lid, and eat you up.
Witches (the child haters described by Roald Dahl) are real: the book clearly says it's not a fairy tale.

OP posts:
macmustard · 08/10/2019 08:13

The wind will change and your face will stay that way Grin

Lowlandlucky · 08/10/2019 08:32

If you swallow chewing gum it will stick to your ribs

Lowlandlucky · 08/10/2019 08:33

If you fall and break your leg dont come running to me

letsgomaths · 08/10/2019 09:09

I had the one about square eyes from watching too much TV. Also that if you touched the screen, it would make your finger sore. (Remember the crackling sound old TVs made when you touched the screen?)

If I didn't put my shoes together in a pair after taking them off, they might walk away without me.

TrickyD · 08/10/2019 09:09

No, Lowlandlucky it won't stick anywhere, it will wind itself all round your innards.

PurplePuffinPicker · 08/10/2019 11:10

If you eat an apple core, the pips will grow in your stomach and an apple tree will sprout out of your mouth.

Sparklingbrook · 08/10/2019 11:15

My Dad said if you stand there with the fridge door open it costs 50p a second, and this was in the 80s, so I dread to think what that would be now. Grin

Sitting on a cold wall will give you piles.

NachoFries · 08/10/2019 11:17

@PurplePuffinPicker I was told the same thing except it was cherries not apples Smile

Also, if you lie then your tongue will turn blue. And if you’re misbehaving then the police will take you away from Mummy and Daddy. And this is not exactly a threat, but if you eat your spinach then you’ll become strong like Popeye.

Soola · 08/10/2019 11:22

Eat carrots and you’ll see in the dark.

Soola · 08/10/2019 11:25

Step on a crack, break your mother’s back.

theoriginalmadambee · 08/10/2019 11:32

Something said to me as a child.

'If you eat cod roe you will get little fish in your stomach'.
I was well into my 30'ies before I could eat it.

FoldenHoard · 08/10/2019 11:35

If I fell asleep with my socks on my toes would suffocate.

Baguetteaboutit · 08/10/2019 11:37

If you go out with wet hair you'll get a chill on your liver. So said my Grandma. Wtf is a chill on your liver?

NanTheWiser · 08/10/2019 12:21

"Eat your crusts and your hair will curl". Said many times by my mother, but to no avail - my hair is still straight as a die at 72!

BoxOfBabyCheeses · 08/10/2019 12:29

Eating crusts will make you have curly hair
Eating peas will give you big boobs (all of the women in my faimly were VERY blessed in the chest department - I didn't eat peas until I was in my 20's!)
If you wear a crop top you will get a chill on your kidneys.
If the wind changes your face will stay the same.
Go and play on the white lines on the motorway Shock
If you swallow chewing gum it will wrap around your heart and you will die!

I'm starting to wonder how I made it to adulthood!

BoxOfBabyCheeses · 08/10/2019 12:32

Not threats but I also had:

She's the cat's mother and he's the dog's uncle. If anyone ever dared to call someone he/she instead of their name. I've heard of the cat's mother but never heard of dog's uncle outside of my family.

letsgomaths · 08/10/2019 12:54

Said by a dinner lady at primary school. I don't know if I didn't mishear this:

Look at all the girls sitting up, and the boys slouching! The girls will get big boobs, and the boys will get big muscles.

BlameItOnBianca · 08/10/2019 15:34

Eat your crusts and it'll give you a hairy chest. Confused

As a 6 year old girl it wasn't much of an incentive... Grin

tothesea · 08/10/2019 15:47

If you sit too close to the fire your spine will melt!!!

BanKittenHeels · 08/10/2019 15:48

If you pick your nose, your head will cave in.

Graphista · 08/10/2019 15:52

Great idea for a thread on mumsnet.

I already HAD curly hair so avoided eating crusts even more as I hated it!

Square eyes yes - also "you'll have to wear glasses" which was not cool in the 70's

If you swallow gum you'll get diarrhoea

Cold floor sitting = piles except I didn't even know what piles were and nobody explained!

anotherday4 · 08/10/2019 16:01

"You'll get sucked under the escalator if you don't watch your step" 🤣 my personal favourite was going down the plug whole when you took the plug out haha

Gazelda · 08/10/2019 16:04

You'll get piles if you sit on a cold wall.

Gazelda · 08/10/2019 16:04

You'll get 'a reputation' if you go to the travelling fair.

ItsJustTheOneSwanActually · 08/10/2019 16:07

If you unscrew your belly button your legs will fall off