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Original poster

Should I move my kids to a different school?

37 replies

Tomovemykids · 07/10/2019 18:29

Name changed as don't want to be outed. We live in a relatively small town. There are three primary schools; two primaries and one Infants/Juniors.

Eldest went through Infants, which is our catchment school, not a problem. Always loved learning and going every day.

He is now 8 and Yr4 so went up to the Juniors last Sept. He didn't have a good year at all, it seems quite rough and I've emailed the Head on a few occasions saying I have concerns about his safety and the apparent lack of lunchtime supervision (coming home with bruises on his legs and ribs, and one day on his cheekbone after being punched in the face by another Yr3 boy). School seldom call me to let me know he's been hurt...they say he didn't report it and they can't help him if he doesn't report). I've met with the Head a couple of times and although he says all the right things nothing has really changed. The school is in Requires Improvement.

In the summer term he was crying himself to sleep saying he doesn't feel safe there and wants to move schools. This was heart breaking.

My youngest is now in Yr1 at the Infants and seems settled enough (although that was Ofsteded earlier this year and down-graded to RI too).

I find it a real pain them being at schools located a 10-15 min walk apart from each other, and the schools don't always synchronise things like harvest festivals (so you have to pick your favourite kid on the day Grin) and TD days. This is a real pain, esp as I'm due to go back into the work place soon after a few years out.

I'm still not happy with the Juniors though (never hear anything good about it...), and would love the kids to be together. So I've made an appointment to go and look around one of the Primary schools, which has a Good Ofsted and spaces in the two year groups I need.

My husband is real anti me moving them though, as he doesn't see the problems! And thinks it will be too unsettling for the naturally shy and anxious 5yo. He doesn't do the school runs though Hmm and is incredibly risk-averse.

I can't move one and not the other as the start and finish times are the same but the schools at different ends of town.

So, dear MNers, if you've got this far (well done...Sorry it's so long) would you move the children to be together? Or think it's too much of a risk?

OP posts:
ArfArfBarf · 07/10/2019 18:31

Yes I would move. Maybe just the oldest if your youngest really doesn’t want to.

ArfArfBarf · 07/10/2019 18:32

Sorry, just seen you can’t do that! I’d move both of them then. The youngest will be changing schools at the end of next year anyway, right?

LarkDescending · 07/10/2019 18:35

I'd reserve final judgment until after visiting the potential new school, but would certainly be seriously considering a move for both children. The lack of any adequate response from SLT to the issues you have raised would be a deal-breaker for me. What issues were behind the RI grading?

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5 year olds 8 year olds Families General education
Original poster
Tomovemykids · 07/10/2019 18:38

He'll be changing to the Juniors in 2 years time. But if it's like it is now I wouldn't want him there anyway (he's too shy/anxious for such a rowdy place where apparently the teachers shout at the kids a lot).

There's a 3 year age gap so if we stay where we are they'll get one year together when in years 3 and 6. They get on so well and say they'd like to be together (even tho I know the Primary said they'll be in separate playgrounds as they split the Infants and Juniors, they will still see each other around and be able to watch each other's plays and things).

OP posts:
Chocolatecake12 · 07/10/2019 18:41

5 yr old will adapt very easily and it will be a move now until he’s 11. Saves moving again for year 3 and facing the same problems.
Your 8 yr old wants to move so as long as you’re happy with the new school I think you should move.
We moved areas when my ds was in yr 4 and he made new friends and settled right away and he was a naturally shy and reserved child.

Soola · 07/10/2019 18:41

I would definitely be taking the child out of the horrible school.

Original poster
Tomovemykids · 07/10/2019 18:43

@LarkDescending for both schools I know that not challenging the more able pupils was a factor (both mine are bright; eldest is working at greater depth/above in everything, 5yo is free reading and a maths whizz/got "exceeding" for quite a few of the things assessed at the end of Reception).

For the Infants they also got downgraded to RI because they weren't spending the SEN budget appropriately ? Youngest is having help with the SENCO at the moment regarding his anxiety. There were also issues with the Board of Governers (have heard two are leaving this week) and SLT management. The SENCO was picked out as being "exemplary" but she's leaving at Christmas Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Tomovemykids · 07/10/2019 18:45

Thanks @Chocolatecake12 that's reassuring. The potential new school has a "nurture club" at lunchtimes which I think will help him. I'll also ask the person showing me around (hopefully the Head) what other anti-anxiety strategies they would employ.

That's a very good point about the 5yo having to move now or in two years.

OP posts:
Br1ll1ant · 07/10/2019 18:50

Move them. In a heartbeat. Sound like we were in a similar situation and made the move. It was the best thing we could have done for our eldest and our youngest has thrived too, especially getting to spend more time with his big sibling.

LarkDescending · 07/10/2019 18:50

Issues with the Board of Governors and SLT management

In the light of what you're said, dysfunctional leadership doesn't come as a surprise.

Frankly I would be hot-footing it to the new school.

lostlondoner · 07/10/2019 18:52

Move them x

TimeforanotherChange · 07/10/2019 18:56

Move them asap. Your eldest is miserable and doesn't feel safe. No child should be having that at school.

happytoday73 · 07/10/2019 18:58

Have you been around the other schools? Spoke to parents at gate? Taken eldest around to see how he reacts. If all this is covered I would absolutely move them (if space) as would then feel had done enough to ensure new school will be better fit.

Original poster
Tomovemykids · 07/10/2019 18:59

@TimeforanotherChange ah sorry, just to confuse matters, he's actually been fine this term ! Not a scratch on him or any tears at bedtime. He was awful in the summer but it all seems to have calmed right down this term...which my husband keeps reminding me.

I think I just lost faith in the Juniors when he had all that trouble March - July and can't trust it not to happen again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tomovemykids · 07/10/2019 19:00

I'm going to look around other school Friday. Would it then be advisable to take the nearly 9 year old around to see what he thinks too? He's been in before for music concerts there but not for a proper look around during school hours.

OP posts:
TiredandHangry · 07/10/2019 19:06

I wouldn't take him to look round the school until you're sure that you are happy to move him. The last thing you need is him deciding he really wants to be at this new school if you decide that you don't want to move him after all!

Go around by yourself (or with DH) first and then when you're sure that you are happy with the school, go around again with DS.

Cookit · 07/10/2019 19:07

Yes. The situation with the oldest sounds awful. I would not be sending him to his existing school.

Tuilipcity · 07/10/2019 19:07

I would move them. What you have written about your eldest is identical to my situation two years ago. We moved to a different local junior schoo midway y3. It felt right as soon as I visited and we have been so happy with it. I kept my youngest in the original infants as he had just started reception and it didn't feel fair to move him, he is also shy and had good friends. We moved my youngest into year two this September as we love the new school and couldn't bear him going to the awful juniors. He has settled so well we could have done it sooner and saved the nightmare school run for 18 months! My advice is if the school feels right do it. I still see friends from the old junior school and sadly the problems with the culture and SLT are as bad as ever.

Original poster
Tomovemykids · 07/10/2019 19:10

@TiredandHangry that's what I was thinking to do.

DH is refusing to come and look with me as he thinks I'm over reacting and the children are fine where they are Hmm

I've never actually looked around a school before ! Our catchment schools were rated "Good" and seemed ok when eldest started 4 years ago so we just naturally sent them there. The Infants is only a 5 min walk/Juniors 15 mins or so. I think I'd end up driving most days to the new one.

So, what am I actually looking for and any good questions I should be asking the Head please? Thanks so much for your help Smile

OP posts:
Chocolatecake12 · 07/10/2019 19:59

Ask them what they do to help new in-year pupils settle in.
Do they have any after school clubs?
How do they communicate with parents regarding progress and how they highlight any issues.
What’s their senco provision like with a view to helping your youngest with his anxiety

Look at what’s on the walls as you walk around. Look at how well the teachers are engaging the kids on topics.

Ask how they manage bullying.

Starlight456 · 07/10/2019 20:10

I would ask about all the issues that are concerning you . Level on lunchtime supervision but I am a great believer in gut feeling.
Also ask about Senco and your child’s needs.5 year olds are a new novelty in a classroom and usually very popular.
I wouldn’t take either child till you decide

Original poster
Tomovemykids · 07/10/2019 22:20

@Chocolatecake12 and @Starlight456 thank you so much! Have written your questions down ready for Friday.

Will definitely be trusting my gut. 8.5yo said before bed he's 60% wants to move, 40% wants to stay...then quickly changed it to 65/35...but by the time I tucked him in he was up to 95% wants to move Grin He's more confident and adventurous like me. 5yo says he's 100% sure he wants to stay at the Infants...gosh this is going to be hard.

OP posts:
Starlight456 · 07/10/2019 22:31

I think both are too young to decide. I would not discuss it further till you have a clear idea of what you think is best

Just decide what you think is best then sell it if necessary this is what is happening. You may go and think over my dead body.

If you get them in soon they will have lots of Christmas activities to join and bond over.

Original poster
Tomovemykids · 07/10/2019 22:37

@Starlight456 eldest is nearly 9 and very mature. I want him involved, but agree 5.5yo too young.

I suppose that's another question for the Head: if we do go ahead then when would be the best time to move them? I was thinking after Christmas but they may not hold the spaces that long.

OP posts:
steppemum · 08/10/2019 09:27

I am an ex -teacher and a few things strike me. Some pros and some cons.

  1. It is very unusual for an infant and juniors not to work together on things like timings of harvest etc. That doesn't impress me.
  2. The bad year last year could be down to one teacher, my dd had a veyr upa nd down school experience with friendships and playgrounds and it was 90% down to the teacher not being proactive and nipping things in the bud. Next year, new teacher, completely different.
  3. SLT management issues, governor problems, this is not going to change quickly, and the school has some serious changes ot make
  4. Most kids adapt quickly to a nice welcoming positive school environment.

On balance I would move them as long as the new school is goo.

When you go round - ask about SENCO, ask about behaviour policy, as about playground behaviour and policy etc.