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Original poster

Hesitant to buy a house with someone else as won't have freedom to decorate how I want

47 replies

JaffaJane · 05/10/2019 22:55

Hesitant to buy a house with someone else as won't have freedom to decorate how I want.

Hypothetical situation but I feel like buying a house with a partner would be off putting as they'd have equal rights on decoration, furnishings, etc. so if we had very different opinions on it all, it'd be a constant battle and would feel like being a tenant all over again.

Is that a total non-issue to you or something that would annoy you a bit?

OP posts:

HerRoyalNotness · 05/10/2019 22:56

My H doesn’t care one jot so I decorate how I want. A friend of mine has a very opinionated husband, so I guess they compromised together. They did get a designer in so that wouldn’t have helped with choosing decor and furniture I guess

HerRoyalNotness · 05/10/2019 22:57

would

Redshoeblueshoe · 05/10/2019 23:01

HerRoyal snap. My DH doesn't care about decor.

ExpletiveDelighted · 05/10/2019 23:04

Total non-issue here. When we need to redecorate (which is rarely as once its done we stick with it for many years) we discuss and agree colours just like any other household decisions. Luckily we both prefer plain walls, no wallpaper, and a relaxed mix and match style.

MaidenMotherCrone · 05/10/2019 23:06

If you are worried you might not get your own way I'd wait a few more years until you are mature enough.

DappledThings · 05/10/2019 23:11

Fortunately DH and I have very similar taste. We both loathe white walls and like solid wood furniture. But if we did really clash we would find a way to compromise as you do with other things.

But I think decor preference is related to a lot of other things you like so if you like each other enough to be in a relationship you probably like similar things!

Horehound · 05/10/2019 23:14

It is an issue here. I like colours and he likes beige. Consequently nothing has been done because we cannot agree on styles.

Actually yesterday we were talking about it and yet again couldn't agree, I said I need my own house! Humph

If I were you I'd look at different room styles and talk about colours etc and see if you're on the same page or not.

Dyrne · 05/10/2019 23:17

Have you ever been in a long term committed relationship, OP?

It’s all about compromise - you never get your own way 100% of the time. Decoration is the least of concerns once location, careers, marriage, children, family etc are all discussed and compromised on.

Cohle · 05/10/2019 23:23

Surely discussion and compromise about all sorts of issues is just part of being in a serious relationship?

Feeling like you'd be in a "constant battle" because you'd have to discuss something like paint colours with your partner makes me wonder if you're in the right relationship.

chamenanged · 05/10/2019 23:35

Yeah, it can be a bit annoying, lots of things about long term cohabiting relationships are. That type of thing is a valid reason not to get into one if you don't want to. There isn't just one 'mature' way for an adult to live their life despite PP's snotty comment. Wanting your own house and to decorate it how you like is completely reasonable and understandable!

Branster · 05/10/2019 23:51

It’s about compromise and/or trust unless your partner is yourself.
And in a lot of couples the dynamic is as such that one is in no way bothered about things that the other one find very important like the fabric of the bed linen.
And other couples have very similar taste. DH and me are like that and even us sometime might have a different personal choice but it works out in the end. We respect and trust each other’s taste and sometime we give each other free reign (for example, our current kitchen is created and planned entirely by me and DH didn’t have much idea of what was going on until the fitting started. But I had the knowhow so he trusted me with structural changes, layout, appliances even sourcing special kitchen taps and of course the colours. DH chose the wall colour for all of downstairs with no interference from me as I wanted him to put his own stamp on something with big impact and trusted he would make the right choice and I couldn’t bear the thought of endless tester pots anymore as in other area of the house.)

TinklyLittleLaugh · 06/10/2019 01:33

My husband have a nice fair and equal discussion about each other’s tastes and how we would both like to decorate.

Then we just do it the way I want.

Blackbear19 · 06/10/2019 02:06

It's called discuss. Usually I narrow it down to a couple of colours I'm happy with, DH makes the final decision or 'whatever you think'

ShippingNews · 06/10/2019 02:21

Usually people have a chat and compromise. I've bought houses with both my husbands and I've never had a " constant battle" about anything.

longwayoff · 06/10/2019 07:56

God almighty.

8by8 · 06/10/2019 07:58

I suppose before you get to that stage with somebody you know a bit about their tastes so know whether it will be a constant battle or not.

Most couples just discuss it and decide together without any drama.

ShadowSardines · 06/10/2019 08:00

I can see why his is a ‘hypothetical situation’. OP, are you like this on decisions like Thai vs Italian, or where to go on holiday? No normal discussion should feel like a ‘constant battle’.

Morgan12 · 06/10/2019 08:15

My DH wouldn't care if I painted the living room loomy yellow. Infact he probably wouldn't even notice either.

TheMouldNeverBotheredMeAnyway · 06/10/2019 08:25

Relationships require compromise. In a good relationship, the benefits of having a close, committed, emotionally intimate connection far outweigh the compromises. I would rank the benefits above not always getting my own way.

Is home decorating very important to you? We are thinking about buying our first house soon and decorating is not a consideration, it just doesn't feel important in the scheme of things. We live in a rented house now and whilst the decor isn't fantastic it doesn't affect our happiness at all. I would be careful not to give up something that could genuinely increase your happiness (a good relationship) for something that will be fun but not actually increase your underlying happiness (your choice of wall colour).

misspiggy19 · 06/10/2019 08:29

If you are worried you might not get your own way I'd wait a few more years until you are mature enough.

^This. I suggest you never enter into a relationship with anyone

WanderingMind · 06/10/2019 08:33

My first husband didn't give a toss about decor and I had free rein.

My husband likes to share the decisions and it's fun to discuss, plan and purchase for our home together.

Heyboyo · 06/10/2019 08:34

My DH doesn’t care but you sound controlling

Cambionome · 06/10/2019 08:35

Ignore all snotty comments above, op.

It was an issue for me when i was with my exh - but he was the sort of person who had to be in control of everything including things he didn't really care about like house decor...

Treacletoots · 06/10/2019 08:39

I think there's something in PPs saying if you're in a harmonious relationship it's highly likely you have similar tastes.

My exH never agreed with what I wanted to do with the house, never let me do something (I suspect just because he wanted to disagree) but then wasn't prepared to lift a finger to do anything.

I divorced him years ago. Selfish twunt. My new DH and I have very similar tastes and where we may not see eye to eye we are able to compromise. He also does most of the DIY, bless him.

There's probably more to it than just decor. Trust me, don't get stuck with this one, it's much harder to escape whd you both own a house.

Hesafriendfromwork · 06/10/2019 08:48

I generally don't care about this stuff. Dp really does. So he picks out, for example a range of colours and then will show me and I will tell him if there is anything I really dont like.

Living with someone often means compromises. I am not fussed about steak pie. Dp has fancied it for a few days. So we are having pie for dinner. I fancied lasagne last week, he wasnt fussed but that's what we had.

If you both have strong opinions on decor and you cant compromise and its really bothering you, maybe you shouldnt live together.

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