Those who moved away from home: what was your reason(s)?

[unamullian]

Just that really.

I've never moved away from my home town but my husband and I have decided that we just want to get out and start afresh somewhere else. We are moving 7 hours away (by car). I've already got a job offer and he is currently in the process of looking.

I'm not sure if anyone thinks my reasons are valid but mainly

1. I've no reason to stay. I don't have any friends except one but she always makes excuses when we plan to meet. I don't have anyone else who I see and talk to really except my parents who I talk to every day on the phone

2. better area and better educational prospect for my DS. I am also thinking of going back to college so I think that's another reason why.

What was your reasons and did you regret it? I'm a bit worried about the move but we have to do it. It's now or never!

Moved 600 miles away from my parents because of DH work. Never moved back. Now my adult daughter has moved back to within 10 miles of where I grew up, because of her DH work. So the cycle turns.

I was desperate to get away from unhappy childhood memories and the sense I was an outsider looking in.

A twist of fate means I'm moving back there in the new year, I've been out of the county 3 years, and out of the town 13.

To say I'm apprehensive is an understatement

I just always knew I would. I have lived in many different countries and see myself moving many more times. It’s exciting.

There was a war on and most of my friends had already left.

I lived in a crappy ex mining village in Scotland. Couldn’t wait to leave. Left at 21. Went to England. Didn’t feel guilt as didn’t want to end up like parents and never leaving the village I was born in. Never went back

Honestly, Mn is so weird about this. I l left my home country because it never occurred to me not to. The world is huge, why would you stay where you happened to be born?

I went to a local university, but then left for the US, then France for a few years, then came to the UK (I’m not from here) to study, then moved to London, Ireland for ten years, then a couple of years in the ME, then London again, where we had DS, then rural England. Now we’re moving to another European country.

My parents also think this is just what you do. Lots of our friends have children growing up in countries far from their grandparents. We all visit when we can and talk all the time on Skype.

I moved for university and then to London for job opportunities. I grew up in a county which (at the time) had no universities at all and the job prospects were pretty rubbish too except for the type of thing you can do anywhere e.g. teaching.

For those of you who are parents how would you feel if your children moved away and never came back?

I would assume that my children would move away. Why on earth would you stay where you were brought up, when there's a whole world out there. Not a single one of our friends or family live where they were brought up.

We moved to Cumbria from down south 5 years ago, at least 4 hrs away from all our family and friends because we fancied a change, wanted to be able to afford a bigger house and wanted to live somewhere less busy and crowded.

With me growing up we never lived close to grandparents so I don't know any different. I always assumed I would live away from where I grew up because it just seemed to be the done thing.

Left my tiny remote hometown at 18 for uni, never moved back, and now live in another country. I do worry about my parents as they get older but I could never move back there, there are no prospects for DP or me there.

And exactly what @lazylinguist said. DS is only seven, but I certainly don’t expect him to confine himself to the country or continent DH and I happen to be living in when we’re older.

I moved for uni, then to london for work, then out of london in the SE for an affordable house. (Grew up in North West England)

I think the idea of limited your life chances on the off chance your retired parents will miss and need you is bad one.

I assume my kids will move. Frankly I'll encourage it.

OP make the move. Throw yourself in to meeting new people, go to clubs and groups and volunteer. Build your non-family network.

You can always move back.

This is going to make me sound like a terrible person but seeing people who end up run ragged by needy aging parents makes me relieved I don't live near mine. I can't help but notice how those whose parents live near them seem to lose their independence sooner and start refusing to even try to do things for themselves. I know too many people whose free time is dominated by errands and taking them to hospital appointments. It seems like if an elderly person has family near social services refuses to help.

I'd relocate myself from my adult DC to spare them that.

The NHS as an employer and a health service, the weather, the drudge of never being able to live. Life was one long struggle and people in England are so mean to each other. It really hits you when living abroad and returning. The sour faced shit bags at Heathrow, people shouting and gesturing from their cars if you accidently hesitate, rude people in shops.
I have been away for about 24 years and would never go back apart to visit. I lived in Baghdad for 3years as a child and people were so much kinder to one another, I personally find the Me culture far, far more civilized and tolerant.

I went on a couple of gap years when I was 18/19, but then came back to go to the local uni and lived at home then.

I moved away 15 years ago for a job. I was miserable at my old job, it was awful. I applied for several jobs near home but didn't get them, so expanded my search area. The job I managed to get (which is in a great school) was about 1.5 hours away from my home town, so that's where I moved to. It's actually only an hour from my house to my parents, so I can go over fairly regularly if i want to.

My mum moved to Australia, I moved south for uni then my sister did so my mum moved first. You don’t have children for them to live 10 miles from you forever, I hope my four spread their wings and travel and live a full life not stay close to me, I might move to Australia too

This is really interesting for me. Myself and my partner met in the region I'm from at uni. Moved to London for several years not long after uni then moved back to my home town a couple of years ago. Mainly due to the cost of living in London and we were never going to be able to buy a house.

But I'm not totally settled here tbh. I'm not sure it was the right decision. It's kind of nice being near my family but we're not that close. So going to read through people's replies with interest!

Moved abroad to study, met my British DH. We have lived and worked in several countries and settled in the UK to bring up our children. I like to move around and experience me places and countries. I have made friends from all over the world. I cannot imagine only living in one place your whole life. I hope those people at least travels a bit and maybe live abroad for a few years while young.

It’s a really interesting divide in British society (no idea if it hold true elsewhere). There’s a book ‘Somewhere or Anywhere’ that talks about it.

I came from a family where both DParents had moved, first for uni and then for work. It never occurred to any of us that I wouldn’t do the same. And my DSs I hope will do so to. DM talks about moving to be near either me or DSis when she needs someone who can check in on her but she’s got her own active social life (currently in her 70s) and would be scandalised at the idea of us moving back to her.

People saying why would you stay where you were brought up, things like; not having money to move, having responsibilities, family support with children, not being able to afford uni education and accommodation fees away from home, health issues.

It isn't my personal experience but don't be so judgmental of people who might not have the money of social capital to move away. In my experience its way easier for middle class people to make these moves.

Opportunity. I'm from a dead beat town in the middle of no where, beautiful with cheap house prices but job opportunities and career profession extremely limited. Although found it all quite insular, over an hour drive to anything interesting.

My children have much more variety in all things than I had.

I never liked the small town I grew up in. Whenever I went to a big city, I felt totally at home. So when it came to applying for university, I only applied in London, Birmingham and Manchester. Ended up in London and never regretted it. I'm a city girl, and although I'm now on the outskirts of London rather than the more central areas I started in, it's still close enough. I go back to my hometown and know that I made the right decision moving away.

Moved countries with mum at 6, then uni, then graduate job. My parents moved across the country for work while I was at uni anyway, so I don't even have a "hometown"! I just wanted to find a town of my own which I liked, and I have 😁

”For those of you who are parents how would you feel if your children moved away and never came back?”

All of my sons have moved away. Two of them are not too far away, but both have their own lives - one is at university, and has both a part time job and a girlfriend in his university city - as well as a busy social life - so he isn’t home often, and the other is working done in the Borders - and has his own home and social life, so again, we don’t see him often. The eldest lives down in Essex - he went to England for his degree, and is building a flourishing career down there. He has a girlfriend, and works very long hours, so we don’t see him often.

When the eldest moved away for work, I did joke that, whilst I wanted him to move away and be independent, why did he have to do it so far away! But actually, I feel that dh and I have done our job by giving the dses the tools they need, to be independent, and as such, I am happy for them to leave home.

To answer the second part of the question - if they never wanted to come home, I would be very sad, and I would blame myself. I don’t see my mum often, and don’t really want to, because I don’t feel close to her, due to her parenting when I was being bullied so badly at school that I was depressed and having suicidal thoughts. Back then, when I did tell her I was being bullied, she brushed me off so effectively that I never felt able to tell her it hadn’t stopped. That was my (bad) choice. But I was a kid and she was the adult, and she never once followed up and asked me if things were getting better, nor did she notice how unhappy and introverted I became - and I can’t believe it wasn’t noticeable.

Despite this, I still feel guilty at not seeing her (or wanting to see her) more often.

”For those of you who are parents how would you feel if your children moved away and never came back?”

My grandparents, parents and we all moved to new areas away from our parents. It's normal to me, so I'd be more surprised if my children chose to stay! Though we've picked a much more central location compared to where I grew up and there's more opportunities so I suppose it's more likely they'll stay compared to me, but my DH and I don't even know if this is where we want to retire so we may move again!