Those who moved away from home: what was your reason(s)?

[unamullian]

Just that really.

I've never moved away from my home town but my husband and I have decided that we just want to get out and start afresh somewhere else. We are moving 7 hours away (by car). I've already got a job offer and he is currently in the process of looking.

I'm not sure if anyone thinks my reasons are valid but mainly

1. I've no reason to stay. I don't have any friends except one but she always makes excuses when we plan to meet. I don't have anyone else who I see and talk to really except my parents who I talk to every day on the phone

2. better area and better educational prospect for my DS. I am also thinking of going back to college so I think that's another reason why.

What was your reasons and did you regret it? I'm a bit worried about the move but we have to do it. It's now or never!

Left at 18 for a year out job placement experience thing, which was about an hour and a half away.

Then to university 3 and a half hours away. Met DH, so stayed to see if that was going to go anywhere, it did, we married and remained in that city (near his parents) for 4 more years.

Since then 3 essential moves for his work has brought me back to an hour and a half away from my DPs.

I missed my home town because it was so small and friendly and everyone knew each other, but where we are settled now, we also have that, so no regrets at all.

We moved around several times initially for my husbands career and then a mixture of schools for the children and career opportunities.
We’ve had seven homes since we married.

Speakout just thinking of your question whether as a parent I would be upset if DS moved away, and the answer is yes I would. Yet illogically DH and I have considered moving away in retirement! At present we need to be here for elderly parents.

It was a shithole and I wanted to make something if my life and I knew I couldn’t do it there. I had a sort of boyfriend at the time and he basically told me (when I was deciding whether to move), “you aren’t the type to stick around here. You can get out while the rest of us don’t have the sort of opportunity.” So I went. Moved to a city about 3 hours away. Eventually took a job abroad and met my dh. I now live a 10 hour flight from my hometown. I’ve been back once in about 15 years. It’s still a shithole.

Moved away in the UK for University, stayed there for 1st job.
Moved twice more in UK for promotions. Moved abroad once to avoid redundancy.
Back to UK c18 years ago, one further company move for promotion, c30 miles from family home.
Finally moved back into family village 10 years .
Currently enjoying staying put!

It never occurred to me to stay. Moving away was the norm - if people came back, it was often because things hadn't worked out and they'd come home. That's because where I grew up there aren't many jobs and most people do leave.

IMO it's definitely good to see new places. If you hate it, you can always move again! Why not? And you might love it.

Also - I think you become resilient and more adaptable by moving, and you learn more. My partner's family all live very close to where they grew up, and they are always blindsided by changes and do tend to find new things a bit scary. If you put my SIL down in a strange city in the UK and gave her a map and money for a shopping trip/tickets to see her favourite actor/a voucher for a spa she would panic and be totally unable to cope, because the only city centre she really knows is the one she grew up in, and she's never had to learn to find her way somewhere new.

Moved about two hours away from the SE to a lovely country village near the sea; my DH's neck of the woods but I've always wanted to live in the sticks.

Bonus is that my brother and sister moved here independently for work and now my parents have relocated too. Win win.

Everyone I know who has moved that distance, it’s been for a job. Not ‘better job prospects’ (etc), a signed-the-contract job.

speakout

What about parents?

For those of you who are parents how would you feel if your children moved away and never came back?

^^

From the perspective of the child (I. E. Me) I feel never ending guilt about moving away from my parents. I live abroad and have done for the last ten years. Feel especially guilty now we have dc's.

Not sure how of feel I'd feel if my dc's moved away. I'd encourage flying the nest etc but I'd imagine it'd be very lonely.

NB. Moved abroad to marry DH.

It was a shithole and I wanted to make something if my life and I knew I couldn’t do it there.

^

This was a big factor for me in moving abroad - no matter who I met/what happened I didn't want to stay in some shit hole town.

But, @managedmis, you shouldn't feel guilty! Your parents must be proud of you that you're living your life. It's a great shame we can't all simultaneously live near family and go and explore the world, but we simply can't.

Attitudes to this are really varied, though. Both of my parents had parents who'd moved long distances/countries; they both had grandparents who'd moved long distances/countries. It was normal. So my parents feel that part of being a grandparent is making an effort to see grandchildren who may not be nearby, and I feel that part of having a child is making an effort to be careful she has a relationship with her grandparents, even if they're not nearby. And so it works.

For those of you who are parents how would you feel if your children moved away and never came back?

I will be desperately sad when my dd moves away, and I will miss her enormously, but I accept that it's a natural part of growing up and exploring the world. I would hate to clip her wings and have her live out her life in a small town just for me and her dad. The world is a big and exciting place, and I want her to enjoy it as much as she can.

I didn't feel at all guilty about leaving my parents when I moved away from home, even though I knew my mum was struggling with it, because I simply saw it as the natural order of things. My parents had both moved away from their families, and so had their parents before them. It never stopped us from having good relationships with our grandparents.

As things turned out, neither my DSis nor I ended up anywhere near our home town, but my parents moved to be near us when dd was small, so DH and I will be nearby to support them in their old age. One day, depending where dd ends up, we might move again to be closer to her. Or we might not. Either way, I don't want her to limit her choices out of a misplaced sense of guilt or obligation to her mum and dad. I want her to do whatever is right for her and her family at the time.

Sadly I wanted to get as far away from home, the bullies who’d made my life a misery and the parents who’d turned a blind eye to that misery even though I told mum how bad it was.

After six years in Manchester, training and nursing, I moved again for University, met dh (in the queue for the Last Night of the Proms) and we married when I graduated, and moved to Wiltshire.

All my moves since then have been related to his job - and whilst my reason for leaving home was very negative, it set me on the path that led to a happy family life with dh and the dates, and a lot of lovely friends (even if I still find it hard to understand or accept that people actually do like me).

Had to leave home for Uni. Then moved further away for work. Have also lived in a couple of different countries.
I have never regretted it, where I lived had no economic opportunities. It is a big world out there.

I expect my dc to travel the world. I will miss them but love them and visit them.
My dm lives close to siblings but hardly sees them.

Moved away from uni and have moved progressively further away over time (now overseas) I love my family but we have always all been a bit nomadic and my parents brought me up to be independent with a love of adventure so I don’t think they hold it against me! It is in no way a reflection of my feelings for them. Yes I would like to see more of them and I am very grateful my siblings are closer by but I could never live where they do or have the life that would entail and they know that and fully support me

Massive arguement with parents, move from the North to the South 29 yrs ago. Did make up after been away for a month.

I was bullied at school and hated the idea of encountering people I knew from that time in adult life or sending my own DC to the same school. I hated every minute of living back there after uni.

I’m a serial mover. Love it. You can reinvent yourself and meet new people. Try new things. New experiences are life enhancing and exhilarating. If you don’t enjoy it you can always move again. Try not to look at in a negative light. You only have one life live it now and don’t look back.

For those of you who are parents how would you feel if your children moved away and never came back?

My daughter has moved 1700 miles away. She's living in a fun city, is at a great university, and she's very excited for this next stage of her life. I am delighted for her and looking forward to visiting her.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if she never comes back. It's quite a backwater where we live. Usually people don't move back here till they have children of their own, and I suspect by the time my children get to that stage, we'll have moved again.

We moved 2,500 km away, for work.
We are about to move 5, 000 km in the other direction, again, for work.
C'est la vie!

When to university at 18 and didn't go back. I met my husband and we moved further away due to work.

Like others on this thread, it was expected I would go where I wanted/needed to so I haven't lived in my home area since I wentvto uni aged 18. (My parents both left their home towns in their 20s for work.)
I'm the youngest and while I was a uni student one of my parents moved abroad for career and the other moved 90 minutes drive away to live with new partner so I didn't have a base in my home town to return to anyway.