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Original poster

GP mentioned safeguarding

45 replies

Ludos · 03/10/2019 10:03

I saw my GP this morning, my marriage has ended and I'm struggling. She asked lots of questions and I told her that my relationship with my husband has been difficult for a while, he has a bad temper, I suspect he's an alcoholic and he's been emotionally abusive. She's given me some pills, a number to call to arrange counselling, but at the end she said she has safeguarding concerns and wrote down the names of our children. I am now panicking about this- what will happen?

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Original poster
Ludos · 03/10/2019 10:54

Can anyone help?

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TeenPlusTwenties · 03/10/2019 10:59

I would imagine you may get a SW visit to check on the welfare of the children, and they may check with their schools too.

Children in families with alcohol, emotional abuse and arguments can be quite badly impacted.

I would be concerned as to how the children feel about their Dad and when they have contact with him.

As you have separated (?) you have done the right thing by your DC, so you shouldn't worry that they will be taken into care, if that is what is concerning you.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/10/2019 11:00

She is right, she has concerns. You have voiced your own concerns. She has responded appropriately.

If you choose to do nothing, after having taken the very brave step to speak to her about it, then she will have little choice than to put your children first. It is not at all unusual for women in your position to have very clouded judgement and great difficulty in taking steps to make their lives, and those of their children, better, safer. External help is necessary to help.

Don't fear her. Take up the offer of counselling, get all the support you can.

Good luck

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Relationship problems
Original poster
Ludos · 03/10/2019 11:03

He is moving out. The DC haven't been told yet as we are waiting for everything to be in place first. She asked if we had made any contact arrangements and I said that the DC wouldn't be made to have contact if it wasn't safe. She told me I would be within my rights.

I'm seriously concerned about his reaction if SS get involved Sad

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Original poster
Ludos · 03/10/2019 11:04

I will be calling the number for counselling.

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CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/10/2019 11:38

I'm seriously concerned about his reaction if SS get involved That would be a positive for you on the long run! He would be showing that your misgivings are well founded.

From that post it sounds as though your GP has made a note about what you said about him not about you being a risk!

I hope you can get counselling soon!

PandaPaws99 · 03/10/2019 11:42

Where I work, this means that you and your children would all have an entry on your notes - something like "family is cause for concern" or "at risk of domestic abuse" etc. Any time you or they visit a GP, the doctor will see that entry, which might mean that they ask more questions than usual, just to ensure you all are safe. If they know a woman is suffering DA there are things they look out for which might otherwise be ignored as not relevant. Also, if there were to be an event at school which prompted a safeguarding concern by them, the GP may be consulted, and having this on the child's notes helps all agencies to have a better picture of what's happening.

Please don't worry about SS coming round: it's unlikely, unless you've actually reported your partner as abusing your children.

WifOfBif · 03/10/2019 12:25

While I’m sure the above post is well intentioned, it’s incorrect.

Social services will be informed if a professional (GP) has safeguarding concerns and you will likely be contacted by an assessment social worker by phone if the concerns meet the threshold for SS involvement.

Please don’t worry, the fact that you have been open with your doctor and have ended the relationship will be seen as positive and SS will offer further support to you and your children if they do become involved.

Original poster
Ludos · 03/10/2019 13:26

I didn't realise this would happen

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CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/10/2019 13:31

But nothing has happened, has it? Your GP has made notes recording your situation. Nothing may come of it, especially given what you have said is already happening between you and your H.

QwertySmalls · 03/10/2019 13:42

I work in a nursery and it is drummed into us that everyone working with children has a responsibility to safeguard children, which is true. We cannot turn a blind eye to the smallest of things when it comes to children. GP, the police and social services are outside agencies that have to work together to safeguard children.
This is not a reflection on you but she is performing her safeguarding duty which she has to do.

Original poster
Ludos · 03/10/2019 14:07

Will he know it's because of me?

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CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/10/2019 14:30

No. Safeguarding applies to you as well as the kids.

As far as he will know it could come from school, neighbours, family, friends.

You just have to tell him, should he ever mention it, that you are as shocked as he is! But that you will obviously be cooperating with whatver may be required as the kids must come first!

Original poster
Ludos · 03/10/2019 14:32

So they won't say it was from the doctors?

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CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/10/2019 14:35

No! They won't say anything about where the information came from. It is one of the things that is most frustrating for people who have done nothing to be concerned over. They have no idea who the malicious person in their life is!

And they have, sadly, seen women and kids in your situation before. They will act appropriately. You will find the supportive if you are open with them.

Remember you have done nothing wrong. You have acted to remove your children from a potential source of harm!

Fluffsmum · 03/10/2019 14:37

They won't identify the referer. How old are the children?

As long as you are taking appropriate steps to safeguard the children (leaving DH) then the focus will be on his risk to the children.

Your GP has done exactly the right thing (A+ for her).

Fluffsmum · 03/10/2019 14:38

The more open and honest you are with SS the easier it will be for you and the kids.

Follow their advice (even if you don't agree with it) and all will be well

makingmiracles · 03/10/2019 14:42

THe only concern I can see them having is the fact hes still there. I know things can take time to organise but is there no one he can stay with whilst he sorts himself out? Friend, relative etc?

Shinysun · 03/10/2019 14:49

There are occasions when SS do say where the information has come from. If/when they make contact, they'll likely contact you first and tell you they received some information from the GP and outline the concerns and discuss a way forward. If you don't want SS to let your ex know where the referral came from you can discuss this with SS.

I say this as a social worker. I have received information before from a nursery and then followed up concerns- where the parent knew (worked out themselves) if was from the nursery. I went back to the nursery to talk about discussing their concerns with the parent in the first instance and speaking to parent about sharing these with social work if they felt it needed to be referred..

lyingwanker · 03/10/2019 15:39

I'm currently going through almost the exact same thing OP but maybe 2 weeks further along the line. My GP made a safeguarding report due to domestic abuse, she told me she was going to.

I had a call from a family support worker asking if I needed support and what schools the kids were at. They asked my permission to contact schools which I had no issues with. They spoke to all the schools which reported no concerns, only 1 out of 4 kids actually got spoken to (by school) but that's probably because she's new to the school. In my case they have referred on to social services properly but that's due to other reasons such as court dates and other allegations against my exH. It's not because I've done anything wrong, it's due to preventing any contact with their dad.

Maybe it'd be the same for you as well? Is there a safeguarding concern with your DH looking after the kids? Do you need to prevent him from seeing them or arrange supervised contact? You need to remember to protect your children in all instances. It's not always best for them to see their father if they are at risk of emotional harm

Holymolymackerel · 03/10/2019 16:32

I think you need to get H out of the house before SS contact you. It won't look good that you have said there is a possibility of risk from him and he is still there.
Protect your kids from him and yourself from SS and leave him out to dry.

pumkinspicetime · 03/10/2019 16:48

There are occasions when SS do say where the information has come from. If/when they make contact, they'll likely contact you first and tell you they received some information from the GP and outline the concerns and discuss a way forward. If you don't want SS to let your ex know where the referral came from you can discuss this with SS.

This is my understanding as a social worker as well. Referrals from members of the public can be kept confidential, social services won't say where the referral came from. But professional referrals from people like doctors cannot be kept confidential.

Original poster
Ludos · 03/10/2019 16:53

School have a record. They didn't pass on but one of the DS was upset at school because DH had grabbed them when he was telling them off.

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Original poster
Ludos · 03/10/2019 20:03

He will be gone in a week

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Original poster
Ludos · 03/10/2019 20:03

Pushing him to go will antagonize him. It will be much easier if he feels he is going of his own accord.

I'm seriously worried now

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