Teen has fallen out with me ... am I in the wrong?

[Dieu]

Hi all. My middle daughter is 13, and isn't a saint, but in general very kind and lovely.
Today after school she came home from school with a friend, and they were looking very pleased with themselves. Here is how the conversation went:

S. (daughter): Guess what we did after school?
Me: what?!
S: we stood on the street for half an hour, and complimented people as they walked by.
Me: umm, what?
S: yeah, we wanted to spread some happiness and make people feel good.
Me: so what kind of things did you say?
S: just, I like your jacket, and stuff.
Me: and how did they react?
S: most were fine, one was a bit mean.
Me: I'm not sure it was very appropriate. I mean, some people might have thought you were being sarcastic. And felt uncomfortable.
S: fine (flouncing off). Then I won't bother doing it again. I thought you'd be proud.

Is it just me? I'm all for kindness, praise and positivity, but channelled in the right way, not a cringey way.

sure thing lady

People who don’t like being called out at in the street are just getting their knickers in a dramatic twist. Sure.

It sucks being negatively called out at in the street, but if more people were dishing out genuine compliments like OP's daughter perhaps negativity would stop being the first assumption?

I find if I can't gauge intent I will just choose to take it as a positive thing and respond that way. Then flat out ignore any following sniggering if it was not meant to be positive, continue to take it positively and waft off. It often takes the wind out of sails to do that, but then I have pretty thick skin. I'd like it if more people complimented randomly so that the negative street call would be the minority event.

Eerh i did this when I was a teen . It was part of my 'peace, love and happiness' phase. Though a long time ago not in the 60 or 70'ties.
Wanted the world to feel beautiful .

I think the term ‘virtue signalling’ says more about the people who use it than those it’s aimed at.

I think the ops Dd and friends are the type of kids to give out free hugs just prepare yourself Op

I think the term ‘virtue signalling’ says more about the people who use it than those it’s aimed at.

Really? And what exactly would that be?

Why not talk them through a few more appropriate ways of doing random acts of kindness? Less attention seeking. Even though I’m sure it is meant from the heart, it’s a bit indiscriminate. More focused acts might be more appropriate.

People who don’t like being called out at in the street are just getting their knickers in a dramatic twist. Sure

Over a compliment from a kid? Yes, unless they have severe anxiety issues (which, contrary to Mumsnet expectations, the vast majority of people walking around your average street corner over a half hour period in the afternoon won't have), they absolutely are.

Please don't tell me you're gearing up to compare something as innocent and well-intentioned as this to actual street harassment and cat-calling.

Really? And what exactly would that be?

Yes, really. I tend not to say things I don’t mean.

Since you asked, what I think - take this as you will - is that it betrays an unpleasant cynicism. Since when did trying to do something nice become virtue signalling? Since when was it acceptable to snipe at someone doing something nice?

Anyway, I’ve had my say, so with that, I’ll wish you a good day and bow out.

Please don't tell me you're gearing up to compare something as innocent and well-intentioned as this to actual street harassment and cat-calling.

I don’t think I’m the one that’s gearing up for anything here 😂 anyone who calls out to strangers in the street has to accept that some People won’t like it. even if it’s a compliment. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Since when did trying to do something nice become virtue signalling?

If that’s all it was it wouldn’t be virtue signalling. It’s the “let me tell you about this great thing I did for others- aren’t I fantastic?”

Do a nice thing (I’m not convinced calling out to strangers made them feel as good as the girls think it did) sure, but don’t go telling everyone looking for praise.

And don’t do the nice thing just for the virtue points

I totally understand your point of view. She shouldn't have done it though her heart was obviously in the right place. However, it is really rude to comment on a stranger's appearance in such a way even if the comments are positive. It was a little ill judged but that's all.

I teach my dc, particularly my ds (as I don't want him growing up to be the kind of man who catcalls women) that commenting on a stranger's appearance, regardless of whether it's a positive comment or not, is actually really rude.