What small things make a family?

[DahliaLoveMe]

I was a very, very late surprise baby, and although my parents were good in their way, they were long past the small child stage. Consequently I was quite lonely and bored, knocking around in a house that was more like that of my friend's grandparents than one where you'd expect a small child to live. Trips and family/child friendly events didn't happen either, everyone else was an adult.

I used to feel jealous of my friend's cosy family homes. I remember thinking that in "proper families" they had the following

Bunk beds
At least three rusted old bikes lying around the garden
A biscuit barrel
Those brightly coloured posters with the alphabet or numbers stuck up in the kitchen
Plastic children's plates and bowls
A clothes maiden
Smell of baking

Some of these are obvious, some are a bit odd and I have no idea why they fall under the Proper Family list!

Does anyone know what I mean? I was thinking about it today because I was looking for one of the alphabet posters for my own kitchen

I know what you mean! For me it was a pinboard in the kitchen with drawings/photos/letters from school on it

there’s also something really homely about cutting sandwiches/toast into triangles.

Alphabet magnets on the fridge, with at least one rude word made from them

Piles of books

A fruit bowl in which there is an apple that somebody has taken a sneaky bite out of and then replaced

Hmm, we're obviously not a proper family, and neither was my family!

Huge drawerful of board games
Pot of felt tip pens/pencils et

Bath toys. Step stools everywhere. Drawings on the fridge.

Yy to everything mentioned so far.

I'll add:

General untidyness.
Other people's children hanging about.
A few footballs in the front garden.

Definitely paintings and school letters on the fridge.
Homemade decorations on the Christmas tree
Having kids shampoo and soap etc in the bathroom

None of the aforementioned tbh.
I'd say noise and a dog.

I loved pictures magnetted to the fridge. My mother thought it was common.

Books. All the books.

The kids listening to our crap music, and watching our crap TV, and us listening to their crap music, and watching their crap TV.

Fierce debates ending in helpless laughter.

Having a dad (never knew mine)
Not growing up in a rat infested bedsit in a city.
I always imagined a real family home would be in the countryside with a mum and a dad.

I’m not sure my house had any of those growing up but I know what you mean. For me it’s some kind of childs art work stuck on a fridge or cupboard.

Oh, and traditions. And food. Usually our traditions are based around food, lol. And in-jokes. And shared memories.

Yes to homemade Christmas tree decorations. My adult children banned us from using them anymore a couple of years ago - sad times.

A cat lying on the back of the sofa, or a dog wandering around, possibly a fish tank or hamster in a kids bedroom. Framed school photos and family photos. A big overflowing dirty washing basket. Slippers lying around. Terrible scribbly drawing pinned to the fridge. Music playing on a Saturday morning. Listening to parents laughing at the tv while upstairs doing my own thing.

What a lovely thread idea

For me, a family home is

A fridge covered in magnets from places we've been, photos, appointment reminders and party invitations.

The fact that DS and DP have favourite meals that I cook, these then become 'family meals.'

The smell of baking and clean washing.

Always noise in the background, whether television or radio/ CD.

A garden littered with old footballs, scooters, tennis balls.

Lots of shoes, coats and bags in the hall.

At least 5 different cereal on offer for breakfast:

Noise - laughter, bickering, the hum of the washing machine, a TV.

Smell of something homemade cooking for dinner.

Yy to fridge magnets of places been too, kids drawings and photos.

Clean washing smell mixed with baking. I haven't really done baking in years, my DC are older now. I used to bake cakes every sunday with them for their packed lunches.

Ironing always feel homely to me, I hardly iron but I like the homely thought of it.

A sweetie drawer in the kitchen.

I don't think growing up we had many 'family traditions' as such so I'm kind of making up ones for my now family!

Yellow hall
Cat
Invitations and cards and tickets on the mantelpiece
Books

Smell of biscuits cooking.

Magnetic and pics on the fridge
A bookcase full of books and games
Comfy sofas
A big fruit bowl on the dining table full of nice looking fresh fruit that’s already been washed and ready to eat.
A radio on in the kitchen
Crochet/knitted throws on kids beds.

I think Remus has been in the kitchen of my old house because alphabet fridge magnets (or the letter cartoons from the fruit smoothies) and fruit with a bite out of it is a classic for us! I had to ration the fruit in the bowl to prevent toddler DD from 'reserving' it all.

Definitely letters and pictures on the fridge, photos of family in the living room (we had a 'rogues gallery' on a table with photos of our siblings and family on) and a school uniform picture if you have children. Big family wall calendar in the kitchen with info scribbled on.

I have cut back on baking since my DH was diagnosed with type II diabetes and I miss it - DD and I used to bake a lot!

Chatting around the dinner table each night, then clearing it so homework can be done.

Hugs.

Lovely idea for a thread, OP

A pile of letters from school on the table. Millions of small shoes everywhere. Sunday dinners. Christmas traditions. Shared memories that only mean something to family members 😍

This thread really resonates with me. I think I felt somewhat like OP growing up...I was the only child of older parents who both worked full time five days a week, we had a cleaner and a tidy home and lots of foreign holidays but I had a sense we were not a ‘proper’ family. Our neighbours and most of my friends had siblings and busy houses and very noticeably to me, mums who were there after school. It’s different nowadays but it Irked me at primary school that whenever I went round after school, mums were there whereas mine was working. When I had my first, I desperately didn’t want a repeat of this for him! So now, I think we fulfil quite a lot of the above posters criteria - overflowing washing basket, dog wandering around, pot of pens, garden full of footballs, spelling and school letters and art on the fridge! Crucially from my perspective my kids have siblings and a busy home and whilst I haven’t managed to be at home full-time, it has really influenced my career decisions and choice to work part time so that I can half the time be the one fetching them from school, being at home baking and serving mountains of food when their friends come round etc. It’s probably a bit daft because it’s a hell of a lot more common to be an only child nowadays and have both parents working but I couldn’t shake the sense that my childhood family was less ‘proper’ with less messy, fun and security because of those circumstances and so I have striven to give that to my kids. Of course, they don’t care and would rather be only children with all my attention (not quite but certainly not appreciative).

Sorry, so to me a ‘proper’ family needs -
Siblings
Present mum
Dog
Mess & noise!!