My poor mum is very ill

[Dollygirl2008]

Don't know why I'm writing this but Mumsnet has helped me in the past

My elderly mother could take no more and took an overdose last night after leaving a suicide note. My sister and I found her this morning

She was still alive but unconscious so we are now waiting at the hospital, no idea what's going to be happen. I am torn between wanting her to be ok, but knowing what her wishes are

Also I have an 11 year old dd - I don't know what I should tell her - does anyone have any advice? Thanks x

What a terrible thing to happen! Why is she so unhappy, and how old is she? Just tell your 11yo that nanny's in hospital. She doesn't need to know details at her age.

She's 81 and her health has deteriorated rapidly lately - the note said she couldn't go on anymore like this, and that she loved us all

How dreadful for you all.
I think I'd agree simply to tell your daughter that Granny is ill and not mention the suicide attempt right now.

Tell your DD that her gran was taken ill suddenly during the night and has had to go to hospital. If she asks if gran will be OK, be truthful and say you don't know, and talk about what might happen. DD doesn't need to know the reason for the sudden illness.

My ill mother didn't attempt to take her own life, but as she got more and more ill I knew how much she wanted to die, and as her daughter it was very difficult to sort out my thoughts, between wanting her to live because she's my mum, and understanding how she felt and wanting what she very much wanted to happen.

Do be aware that although she's alive, the damage from the overdose might already have been done. If that is the case, you will have a very difficult time ahead of you. I can only send you hugs, and wish you all the strength in the world for the next few days.

I have no words at the moment but I just to say Thank you all x

I am sorry lass.

Sending you a hug and a handhold to get through this.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this.

I hope that your mother recovers and that you can find a way to move forward.

Thinking of you and your family OP. Sending a huge hug....

I really feel for you, I'm so sorry, what a difficult situation.
My grandmother frequently talks to my mother about her desires to commit suicide because she's ready to not be here, so it is something that some elderly people do experience. It must be so hard.
Not much to say, but thinking of you

So sorry my lovely.
Just tell your daughter that Nanny is poorly. No need for anything else...your mum is poorly.
Sending you a strong handhold x

Hugs . Just tell your dd she got sick, no need for the truth right now. If you need someone to talk to in real life the hospital chaplains or your local church is there for you, no faith required.

Ahhh bless you.
How sad your dm doesn`t want to be here.
Just sending loves and hugs to you all.

Heartfelt sympathies,Dolly.

No wise words but big hugs 🤗 take care

Oh, I’m so sorry! I’m sad for your family. I wish I had the words to help make things better for you. Sending hugs

Oh, love.

How devastating for you all.

Deteriorating health/ongoing pain is so cruel.

I don't really know what to say other than that you and your mum are in my thoughts, and that I'm sure the hospital team will ensure there's aftercare support put in place so neither you nor your mum have to battle alone with this.

Wishing your family strength

for your mum and for you. She, and you, are in my thoughts.

Oh OP your poor mum. And of course you and your family. It's very compassionate of you to recognise her wishes and not be angry with her. I've no advice I'm afraid, just hope things work out for the best for all of you and that your mum is given more help with her health.

I'm so sorry, what an awful situation for you all 😩😓your poor mum x

My husband did kill himself. His elder child was 12 or 13. My son had just turned 2. The thing about lying about suicide is it stigmatizes it as something to be ashamed of. That person is to be ashamed of. Those feelings are to be ashamed of and all of it is to be kept hidden. I will eventually have to tell my son what happened to his Dad because it's better he hear it from me first. If there's no chance of it getting back to her from someone else then keeping it from her might work but if not, she'll find out from someone who probably won't be as sensitive and comforting to her as you would be. You could also let it be a teachable moment for her. That sometimes when people are hurting they do sometimes try to kill themselves and sometimes they succeed. BUT, most of the time what they're feeling is not based in reality and their feelings will change given enough time and space from whatever it is that's got them upset. Now people that are truly dying are the ones I'm excluding from the ones who will eventually feel better. They've moreso embraced the inevitably of their deaths rather than continuing to fruitlessly fight it. Let that be an opportunity to discuss with her that if she's ever feeling sad or despairing that she can come to you and you'll be there. That those feelings aren't to be ashamed of and should be discussed in the open so you can work through it together. That she doesn't have to suffer in secret is my point. I'm not English and the English tend to be very refined in things, even messy things, but if you lie and she finds out about it anyway she'll be twice as hurt and at least twice as unprepared to face it. Good luck with whatever you decide. It's not fun. And I'm sorry...

Oh Dolly

I really feel for you. I alternate between worrying mum will do it and worrying what happens if she lives a lot longer.

I can only offer an unmumnsetty hug. Re your DD, I'd say gran is poorly, not least to protect your mum's privacy for now.