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Original poster

My poor mum is very ill

58 replies

Dollygirl2008 · 29/09/2019 14:08

Don't know why I'm writing this but Mumsnet has helped me in the past

My elderly mother could take no more and took an overdose last night after leaving a suicide note. My sister and I found her this morning

She was still alive but unconscious so we are now waiting at the hospital, no idea what's going to be happen. I am torn between wanting her to be ok, but knowing what her wishes are

Also I have an 11 year old dd - I don't know what I should tell her - does anyone have any advice? Thanks x

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 29/09/2019 20:19

@Dollygirl2008

What an awful situation for you to be in. I should imagine your dm felt very strongly about wanting to determine when she should pass away. My MIL has been deteriorating for the past 3 years, going from a feisty 86 year old to a shell of her former self dependent on others for all her needs. For the last 6 weeks she has been refusing to eat and is quite literally wasting away before our eyes. My own grandma was very similar too.
I think lots of people get to the point where they've had enough and in your mums case she didn't want to prolong anything. Please don't feel guilty that she's chose this option. Sit with her, talk to her, hold her hand. If she survives she will be most likely sad that's she didn't succeed. If she doesn't, then try to remember that it's what she wanted.
Much love ❤️

Original poster
Dollygirl2008 · 29/09/2019 20:37

Thank you all, and thank for all the sympathies and advice - much of which must have opened up some feelings for some of you

I actually feel so sad for her - sad that she felt she couldn't go on. No anger - none whatsoever - in face, I sat by her bedside and just told her that it's fine, we understand why she did what she did. She's always been such a strong, independent woman, even still driving up until recently. I also feel strangely sad that she hasn't succeeded - for her sake. Not mine because I'd love nothing more than to have her back, but it won't be in the capacity of "my mum. She's still unconscious so it's a comfort to know she's not suffering at the moment. Apart from that, it's a waiting game

And my Dd knows how poorly she is, but not the circumstances- she knows she has pneumonia (which is true) and I've prepared her for the worse

Thank you x

OP posts:
AutumnRose1 · 29/09/2019 21:06

OP you sound like a really understanding person Flowers

Are you still at the hospital? Please get some rest.

Redshoesandtheblues · 30/09/2019 01:04

I've gone through similar.

It's why I couldn't say much else before.

But, sorry to say this, if she does go, at least take comfort in that she chose that way.
I know my mum would've.

Redshoesandtheblues · 30/09/2019 01:05

Im so sorry.

ThighThighOfthigh · 30/09/2019 01:15

My mum took an overdose last December as she was in so much pain. She spent a week in hospital and they got her health back under control again. She's fairly fit and strong now.

Dad is now refusing to eat and barely drinking, he's so worn out.

You have my every sympathy OP extreme ill health or old age can become unbearable.

stupidboyman · 30/09/2019 01:49

Oh op I don't know what to say but I'm thinking of you.

Original poster
Dollygirl2008 · 30/09/2019 13:42

She's gone. And it was very peaceful
X

OP posts:
PurpleWithRed · 30/09/2019 13:44

I am so sorry Dolly, but so glad for her that it was peaceful and that her wishes were respected Flowers

Beamur · 30/09/2019 13:53

My sincere condolences. Hope you all manage to find some peace now.

Weepingwillows12 · 30/09/2019 13:54

I am so sorry for you and your family. Getting old can be so hard for everyone involved. I watched my grandma change in front of us over a few years due to dementia. When she eventually went it was almost a relief.

I dont know what I would tell am 11 year old. I think no details just her nanny had been I'll and was now gone. Maybe when shes older she can hear more. I think you know her best though.

beachcomber70 · 30/09/2019 14:25

I can only say how sorry I am. Your Mum is at peace now and in no more pain. Take care of each other.

Redshoesandtheblues · 30/09/2019 14:36

Sincere condolences. I'm so very sorry for you. But hope you are able to take comfort in her peacefulness.

AutumnRose1 · 30/09/2019 14:45

OP hugs to you

She's at peace and nothing can ever hurt her again. Flowers

OMGshefoundmeout · 30/09/2019 14:46

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. I hope your mum has found the release she was so desperate for. Flowers

Tootyfilou · 30/09/2019 14:51

So sorry for your loss x

HaHaVeryBunny · 30/09/2019 15:05

So sorry, you did the best by her.Flowers

Livebythecoast · 30/09/2019 15:11

Sometimes there are just no words Flowers x

absopugginglutely · 30/09/2019 15:19

So sorry for your loss Flowers BrewFlowers

Soontobe60 · 30/09/2019 15:35

@Dollygirl2008
So sorry that she’s passed away. She’s at leave now. I do hope you and her family can now plan a lovely funeral to celebrate her life rather than her death. Your dd may want to help you with this, maybe making a card to put in with her granny. 💕

WhenPushComesToShove · 30/09/2019 15:39

Ah bless you all. Take comfort that your Mum is at peace now. The love you shared lasts forever

boringisasboringdoes · 30/09/2019 15:45

So sorry for your loss OP Thanks

Ifthe question of what happened comes up with your dc if they overhear or someone might say something - one idea is to give them a vague explanation (eg she took too much of her medicine). This happened to one of my grandmothers when I was a child - I still don't know if it was accidental but I didn't question it at the time.

Topseyt · 30/09/2019 15:53

I am so sorry for your loss. Flowers

It was peaceful, she is hopefully at peace now.

ChicCroissant · 30/09/2019 15:54

So sorry OP, be kind to yourselves in the days ahead Flowers

marvellousnightforamooncup · 30/09/2019 16:19

I'm so sorry OP. I lost my mother last year, in different circumstances but still it's hard. Flowers

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