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Original poster

Not sure if I’m over reacting

30 replies

Mumtoboygirl · 28/09/2019 09:16

Daughter has some allergies, I’ve have stated I do not want her medicated unnecessarily. I’ve read bits and pieces about the effects and I’m also a strong believer of not putting meds in my kids. (Unless truly needed) kids dad took them to his house (I’ve said not to due to allergies, pet, dust) and he medicated her before going. I’ve taken advice from her doctor who has said meds for a flair but wouldn’t recommend giving unnecessarily, and to keep away from places that could cause a flair where possible (I take that as unavoidable situations I.e the pollen factor and dust) . Weather was wet that morning but dry in the afternoon they went to his am and soft play indoors pm....am I wrong to be furious he did this when I’ve made it utterly clear he is not to take her to his or medicate her. To add we had cats until her allergy was diagnosed, I rehomed for her benefit) I’ve never medicated for allergies as we do not need to with preventative measures.

OP posts:

Soola · 28/09/2019 09:19

My daughters partner has moved in with her and he takes anti histamine as he is allergic to pets and she has a cat, rabbit, guinea pigs and a hamster. Over time he has become desensitised and doesn’t need to take the anti histamine as often.

I think you are right to be feel concerned but really it is detrimental to your child to prevent her from saying at her fathers and he is doing the right thing by giving her an anti histamine to protect her.

Rainyrain · 28/09/2019 09:21

I think she should be able to go to her dads house. If a little medication is needed to prevent her being unwell while she’s there I don’t think it’s a problem. I’m assuming he medicated with antihistamines?
Was she ok while there? Happy to take the meds?It’s not really that big a deal.

pictish · 28/09/2019 09:22

Yabu. I agree with the previous poster. I wouldn’t create over this.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Allergies Children's health General health

muddledmidget · 28/09/2019 09:30

I think her relationship with her father trumps your dislike of giving her a dose of antihistamine to keep her comfortable. He is also her parent and has just as much right to medicate her while she is with him as you do to decide not to medicate while she is with you.

Spam88 · 28/09/2019 09:38

YABU. She should be able to go to her dads house, and medicating her was sensible. I mean, we are talking about antihistamines here, not crack cocaine.

By all means speak to him about following the doctors advice, I.e. not giving an antihistamine unless she starts reacting.

Original poster

Mumtoboygirl · 28/09/2019 09:40

Hmmm her doctor has advised keeping her away. As I understand allergies like this exposure isn’t best. As an adult I was exposed to cats but it did not cure my allergy 1 bit. I’ve researched antihistamines and there’s links to issues later in life. I’m very uncomfortable for him to do this. He said he wouldn’t expose her and told me he plans to move out of his mums and get his own place before taking her “to his” meds only mask the problem, and she was uncomfortable the next day.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mumtoboygirl · 28/09/2019 09:48

Can I just add he also did not tell me he planned/ or had given there was no discussion. He just did it telling her it will make things ok. She’s 4 and now thinks it’s ok and will stop her skin reaction and respiratory allergies. I don’t expose her to pets and he has acknowledged for over 2 years that she should not be and has not taken her to his house while we were together. It’s all of a sudden now he’s doing as he pleases. Eg returning them past time he was due to without informing me.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mumtoboygirl · 28/09/2019 09:53

And not sure if this makes a difference but a previous time we split I allowed him to take her to his house and she had a reaction despite him saying they had cleaned the house and we agreed she wouldn’t go there again. So she would need medication every time and I’m really not happy about this. If he moved out somewhere suitable as he said it’s not an issue

OP posts:

Soola · 28/09/2019 09:53

He’s her father and appears to be acting sensibly and is caring for his children.

The problem lies with your inflexible beliefs.

reginafelangee · 28/09/2019 09:58

Dad gets to decide how to parent too.

If he thinks it's ok for her to take an anti histamine and go to his house and soft play then that is his decision.

ThorosOfMyr · 28/09/2019 10:09

100% YABU. Of course the doctor said stay away from allergy inducing environments WHERE PRACTICAL. I'm very allergic to cats and have no pets at home. Sometimes, however I've had to take antihistamines to go to another place where I couldn't avoid being. One DD has hayfever - guess what, it's pretty fucking hard avoiding pollen. I also agree spending time in her fathers house with him trumps your non medical internet research regarding the use of antihistamine. Could you point me in the direction of peer reviewed medical studies that back your ideas please.

Rainyrain · 28/09/2019 10:55

It’s coming across like you just want a reason to be annoyed with her dad. You’ve now thrown in that he was late returning her but that has nothing to do with him giving her antihistamines.
He’s having a relationship with his daughter. This is good for her. Taking the odd antihistamine is a small price to pay for that.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 28/09/2019 10:58

What is all this you allowed him to take her etc, she’s his child ffs.

I’m sorry but this post just reads like your someone looking for excuses for a father not to have his child

Soola · 28/09/2019 11:02

It’s very easy to use your beliefs as a weapon when you split up and if you are not careful you will become very bitter.

The positives in this is that the father wants to have his children visit/stay. He also acknowledges her allergies and provides proper care.

Picking up on him being late sounds petty even if it has annoyed you.

Being uptight, inflexible and having a ‘my way or the highway’ attitude is only going to be detrimental for your children.

NerrSnerr · 28/09/2019 11:07

Can I just add he also did not tell me he planned/ or had given there was no discussion

Do you discuss all your parenting decisions with him before you do them?

NerrSnerr · 28/09/2019 11:09

am I wrong to be furious he did this when I’ve made it utterly clear he is not to take her to his or medicate her.

Would you allow him to dictate where you took your child? He made a decision about the medication, one many of us would have made. Would you stop him from giving her calpol if she was in pain?

dudsville · 28/09/2019 11:10

It sounds like you don't believe you both are her parents. It sounds like you feel you are in a position to tell him what to do. You can discuss these things, try to come to a jointly agreed upon solution, but often in situations there's your way and his way. In that case you just need to find your way around boot getting your ideal outcome.

lakequeen · 28/09/2019 11:12

Her father can give her medicine if he wants to. Your decision doesn't trump his.

ihateryansworld · 28/09/2019 11:13

I think yabu. He is her father and has acted in a caring way. Do you not ever take her to anyone else's house ever? Are you going to wrap her in a bubble and never let her go anywhere. It sounds like you have an issue with control to me.

yourestandingonmyneck · 28/09/2019 11:19

Yes, YABU. But previous posters have already told you that and you just keep coming back with more reasons why you're not, so I'm not sure what you're looking for from this.

MoltonSilver · 28/09/2019 11:20

You are very much over reacting.
You are coming across as pretty controlling.
You need to chill.

usernamealreadytaken · 28/09/2019 11:38

To be fair, dad is equally her parent too, and if he decides that a small amount of medication is suitable on occasion then he is as right to decide that as you are to not medicate when she is with you. A relationship with both parents is important to children, and you don't get to decide the terms unless there's evidence of abuse or neglect (actual, not just that you don't like his otherwise reasonable parenting decisions). Sorry, but YABU.

BarbedBloom · 28/09/2019 11:54

It is up to him how he parents her when she is with him. YABU

EKGEMS · 28/09/2019 14:37

I have severe allergies and I started allergy medication in primary school-without it I wouldn't have been able to function and my son is on two Rx for it.

EdersonsSmileyTattoo · 28/09/2019 15:06

Agree with PP’s, he parents his way and you parent yours.

You can’t dictate that he can’t take her to his house!

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