I am not strict enough with DD?

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Had a conversation recently with DM. We get on well and normally she praises my parenting, although does hint with how she has done things different occasionally. Today, however, we had a conservation that irritated me abit. Basically, DS is 2 and like most 2 year old wants to run about and play. Since walking I have found it hard whenever we go anywhere like for a meal as he does not want to sit in his highchair for long. I recently went shopping with family and it was just too hard work. He wants to run all over the place. I obviously stopped him/tried to distract. This can often result in a tantrum.
Normally because of this I avoid such places with him. My mum has now said this shouldn't be the case that I am not strict enough with him. She said I never behaved like that because I knew not to.
DH disagrees said he is 2 and just behaving like a normal 2 year old. He is clearly bored when shopping/in a restaurant so looking for things to do. Just wondered what others thought?

I think you are right and he is behaving normally. Like you said you try and distract him and tell him no but they just dont listen at 2! And its exhausting. I still avoid certain places with my 3 year old. I think our parents tend to forget what it was actually like and imagine what they would like it to have been like.

Very hard to be "strict" with a 2 year old without resulting in a massive tantrum, which is obviously what you don't want in a shopping centre/restaurant.

I agree with your DH - he's 2. He's bored. Distraction can be a wonderful thing but sometimes it just doesn't work.

Would be interested in what your DM thinks you should do that you're not doing, btw.

I think it’s quite normal for a toddler to be bored and act up in certain situations and I think you have the right approach in avoiding that when you can.

Nobody wants their whole life to revolve around a toddler but I say pick your battles!! My DM still thinks children should be seen and not heard!!

I agree with your mother. Running around a restaurant is not allowed, period. Allowing a child to do so at any age is setting a very poor example. If they are kicking off and disturbing other diners, you need to take the child out.

You're right. I don't think I know any 2 year olds that know how to sit quietly and behave in a restaurant! Best to avoid these places until they're more sensible.

Im always sorry for children being taken shopping as a pastime, it’s not a very interesting activity. Same with restaurants, nice for a while but sitting still is dull for any length of time. I think you have it right. Maybe your DM likes these thing though and wants you to join her? I think you’re on the right track though, you do have to have good boundaries for two year olds, but also recognise their limitations.

That’s tricky, if she is usually positive and you’re close maybe there is some merit to what she is seeing? Or maybe she has forgotten how challenging a two year old can be. Toddler groups are an eye opener to how parents handle the ‘terrible’ twos and you can see how the child behaviour and responses start to develop depending on how the parent reacts at this age.

I’m on your side here! I think your DM may be misremembering what is normal for a two year old.

I would say the chances that your Mum took you regularly to shopping centres and to restaurants at that age are pretty slim. It just wasn't done as much back then. I agree you shouldn't let him run around, but also it's probably best to avoid those situations when he is so little.

IMO it's absolutely fine to avoid taking a 2yo to a situation that will be stressful for you because he will run about. He's being a normal 2yo. You can take him out for meals and teach him to behave nicely when he's a bit older. I'm completely with your DH.

Hmm. It depends imo. I have a (just) two year old. She's fairly amenable (and likes food, which makes bribery easier). On the one hand I minimise situations that I know will cause whingeing, but on the other hand if we're somewhere we need to be and she misbehaves I warn her what the consequence will be if she does it again, and I follow through. It broadly works. But on the third hand some kids are just more defiant than others and some of her little friends could test the patience of Gandhi.

My MIL would agree with your mum though!

Im always sorry for children being taken shopping as a pastime, it’s not a very interesting activity.

Yes, but sometimes the parent needs to or just wants to go out and buy something - I do lots of fun activities with my toddler but my life does not solely revolve around his favourite pass times. DH works away for about 6 weeks at a time a few times a year and we have no family nearby to have DS - so I shouldn’t go out shopping for that length of time? I don’t think either of you are wrong OP - I can understand you avoiding certain situations within reason, but at some point he’s gonna have to learn to behave in those situations and really that’s best done through practice. So I wouldn’t avoid all those situations completely.

My DS is about to turn 2 and the same. Won’t sit in a high chair without a whole load of fuss (kicking and shouting) and then wants to get out after 2 minutes. He doesn't like being strapped in the buggy. He’ll tolerate if it’s clear we are going somewhere, but as soon as we walk past a playground or have to wait, in a queue or at school pick up for example, he starts trying to stand up, strains against the straps, cries. You get the picture.
My family are sooooooo judgemental. I think partly because their children don’t do this and partly because they think if I tell him not to he will stop. They don’t appreciate how exhausting it is. Constantly saying no, don’t do that, sit still, etc with no effect.
I have started to swerve any type of sit down meal with them after my MIL ’whispered’ “what’s wrong with that child” pretty loudly at a meal at SIL’s house.
The thing is, whilst I would love for him to sit still, quietly, smile sweetly etc that’s not him. And I don’t want to beat his spirit out of him with the constant telling off, especially when I’m sure it’s not naughty behaviour it’s just an energetic, impatient toddler.

I would say the chances that your Mum took you regularly to shopping centres and to restaurants at that age are pretty slim. It just wasn't done as much back then

back when? You’ve no idea how old Op is. She could be 18. I’m 33 and my mother definitely took me and my younger (by 17 months) sister to restaurants and shopping very regularly.

I think you are both right. He is behaving like a normal toddler. Your job as a parent is to teach him how to behave like a civilized toddler. It is "normal" for toddlers to want to run around stark naked, but by two years old they have learned to wear clothes. Most can also learn to sit in a highchair for 45 minutes with a toy to entertain themselves and the promise of food coming.

@georgiagirl52

Most can also learn to sit in a highchair for 45 minutes with a toy to entertain themselves and the promise of food coming.

Most two year olds can do this? Both of mine would be abnormal in that case!

It's certainly not unusual behaviour for his age but I just got on with it rather than avoiding.

@LemonBreeland Well my children, born between 1970 and 1977 all went to restaurants cafes and shopping centres very regularly. We did have to park their pet dinosaurs outside though....

I can kind of understand where your mum might becoming from, because now you're actively avoiding situations/places with your 2 year old.

I always found distraction a good way of cheering them up but I remember how depressing and exhausting the relentlessness of it all was.

Toddler tantrums are loud and embarrassing but you need to get used to that and block out the stares.

The sooner your toddler learns tantrumming gets them nowhere, the sooner they eventually stop.

It takes a long time but the more consistent you can be, the better.

At 2 children have very little impulse control and most are easily bored by eating out too. These are the years you find places with quick service, take books and toys and try hard to keep calm. I'd be very surprised if you were even taken out for many meals at 2, eating out is far more common than it was when you were a child.

Practise at home OP. Make sure every meal is taken at the dinner table. Gradually extend the time you want him to sit for. Give him rewards for good sitting and behaving well. Set a timer with an alarm so he learns that when the alarm sounds he knows the meal is over and he can leave the table and have his reward. Bring the alarm with you when you eat out.

I'd be very surprised if you were even taken out for many meals at 2, eating out is far more common than it was when you were a child.

😂😂😂

How do you even know when OP was a child?

We just didn't bother with restaurants at that age, too much stress and fairly pointless. They can't sit still very long and the whole time is spent trying to manage them. Same with shopping for the most part.

Absolutely normal 2 year old. At 3.5 it gets easier to go shopping and out for meals etc.