Friend is using a cot bumper should I warn her they are dangerous? I don't want to come across as judgemental

[issano]

Hi
My friend has just posted a picture of her DD in her cot as it's her first night in it tonight but I've noticed that she is using a cot bumper. She obviously isn't aware of the risks (I wouldn't be if I hadn't seen threads on here) but how do I mention this to her without coming across as judgemental/making her feel bad for not knowing?
I don't have children myself so I feel like that's even worse and I would never normally dream of commenting on other people's parenting choices!
I couldn't live with myself if god forbid something happened and I hadn't said anything though.
So how is the best way to broach this subject?

Could you private message just to say you thought you'd read that bumpers weren't recommended.

Yes it will be a private message I'm just worried she will take it the wrong way

You can’t do it without sounding like an arse. Especially if you send her a private message.

Maybe send this link

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/parents-should-remove-cot-bumpers/

I'm sure this exact same OP with the same title was on here a few weeks ago.
Are you the same poster?

I actually wouldn’t. On the other hand I thought the cot bumper was pretty well known so would guess she’s chosen to use them

If you do message her I would take that approach- sorry if you already knew this and wanted to use them regardless, I know we all weigh our own risks!

Must be private tho

You’ll sound even more of an arse if you send a link

I'd want to know! Maybe jsut say something like hi friend not interfering at all but just to say I read XYZ about these cot bumpers

Lulualla definitely not me I rarely post and she's literally just had the cot delivered yesterday.

How about you comment Oh that cot looks so pretty made up with the bumpers.but please don't use them for sleeping time as babies can suffocate on them and link a warning item

I had this same dilemma and decided not to say anything. Technically maybe not the right call but the alternative was coming across like an interfering pratt...

Tulips yes that why I'm torn on what to do

How old is baby?
If tiny you could comment “oh how beautiful! Always such a shame to have to remove the bumpers once baby is moving” or such like. Might prompt a bit of research on her part??

I would mention it privately. I’d rather risk offending a friend than failing to tell her something that could save her baby’s life.

I'd send a along the lines of sorry if I sounds like a busy body as I really don't mean to but just wanted to check that you are aware of the issue with cot bumpers? I didn't know myself until someone told me so I thought it may be one of those things not widely known. I know I'm risking sounding like a prat but I would rather say something. ......

Maybe she left the cot bumper on for the photos as it looks attractive but will remove when the cot is used.

I would mention it face to face when you next see her - otherwise , yes, you run the risk of sounding judgmental or passive aggressive which may be counter productive

I'd go along lines of MeggyMeg
I'd say it looks lovely hope baby sleeps well etc, and maybe also finish with 'sorry if I'm telling you something you already know but I only found out myself recently so wasn't sure if it's widely known'.

I actually bought a bumper when pregnant about 18 months ago. It's still in its packaging as I then read about the danger. I originally thought about selling it but couldn't do it in good conscience so now I don't know what to do with it!

I'm sure she knows. Health visitors always say it. She maybe has weighed up the risks and decided she wants it.

I just text her as not sure when I'm going to see her next and got a reply straight away saying thank you as she had no idea and it will be coming straight off. Phew!

Good call.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2513750/Grieving-mother-calls-BAN-cot-bumpers-month-old-son-died-getting-tangled-tie-strings.html

www.babycentre.co.uk/a418/safety-in-your-babys-bedroom

It's really hard. When DC2 was a few months we stayed with friends. Their own DC2 was a little smaller and they had her still in their room in a travel cot so our DD got her cot. It was all made up with bumpers. I chickened out of saying anything, just took them off and put them all back in the morning.

I’m glad you mentioned it.

We got bumpers for DC1’s first crib - they came as part of a set of bedding for the crib so we assumed they were safe.

A few weeks later, and this was well before DC1 had started rolling over, I woke because DC1 was crying. He stopped crying almost as soon as I’d woken, but I went to check on him anyway. And found that he’d somehow shuffled himself over to the bumper and was busy pressing his face into the fabric. The bumpers came off immediately because i couldn’t stop thinking that DC1 might have suffocated himself if I’d not gone to check on him.

It wasn’t until after this that I heard anything about cot bumpers being dangerous.