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Original poster

Marriage and finances

52 replies

LadyHalesBroach · 26/09/2019 14:27

I have a wonderful DP, he's the best daddy to our little girl. We've been together for about 8 years and are getting married next summer.

I don't have anyone in real life to ask this of, and I suppose I'm too scared to ask it out loud because I already know the answer: don't do it, you're fucking bonkers if you do.

DP is self employed, or rather 'perma-lance' because he has a recurring monthly salary. It's not unusual in our line of work to do this, and I think it also saves his employer paying NI etc too. All very dodgy I guess, and I don't agree with it (I used to be self employed and paid my taxes through SA, and am now PAYE).

We want to buy a house soon. My mum died suddenly six months ago and I have just inherited about £120k, which is sitting in a savings account until I know what to do with it. I'm very grateful for it, and would give it straight back if it meant my mum was alive.

My question to the great MN collective is -

a) it's going to be impossible to get a mortgage right? Because he has no proof of income, no tax returns etc.
b) even worse - how the fuck does he get out of this hole? Pay it in instalments? Bankruptcy?
c) If I marry him, am I liable for his debt too? Or would HMRC look at the property we hypothetically now own and take that back.

I need to sit him down and have a frank discussion with him, but he buries his head in the sand and gets stressed and upset, but he must know this is a huge issue.

OP posts:
QforCucumber · 26/09/2019 16:46

if you speak to an employment solicitor he MAY be able to claim back any unpaid sickness, claim for holidays, pension, and Employer NI payments under the false Self employed rules (but there have only been a couple of these gone to court and it HAS to be done within 3 months of him leaving if he does leave) First appointment is an Accountant to get the tax affairs in order and Pay his PAYE and NI to date as required, there will be late filing penalties also.

Original poster
LadyHalesBroach · 26/09/2019 16:52

He has been there 3 years and earns £50k. So in my mind that means he owes approximately 3 x £25k back tax. Not to sound too reductive or simple, but it's basically half of what you earn, right? There is no way he'd be able to pay back £75k unless it was spread over many many years.

OP posts:
Pogmella · 26/09/2019 16:53

Um, do not marry him with your inheritance until it’s sorted. It really is that simple.

QforCucumber · 26/09/2019 16:56

He wouldn't owe that much in Tax, His net income this year would be around £37,500 as a PAYE employee - based on that (approx figures as don't have his exact incomes) his taxes would have been around £12-13k per year. He would owe 5 years worth. Did he really not think he would have to pay tax on a 50k salary?

QforCucumber · 26/09/2019 16:57

3 years worth sorry

Privacynoticeallthetime · 26/09/2019 16:57

It’s def not 75k as he gets an annual personal allowance so going back 3 years maybe 38k in taxes and NI. Plus fines and that depends.
Has he been paying any pension in personal pension pot perhaps? Or any gift aid?

QforCucumber · 26/09/2019 16:58

Also expenses can be offset against his taxes, so if he has mileage bills, equipment, work clothes he pays for, tools, mobile phone used for work, any other allowable expenses will all reduce his tax bills if he still has receipts for these things.

Privacynoticeallthetime · 26/09/2019 16:59

There’s scope for a payment plan if he comes forward himself so see an accountant to sort it out for you.

Original poster
LadyHalesBroach · 26/09/2019 16:59

I don't think it's a case that he thought he'd never have to, just that 'next month I'll put some away' always came and went and he never got round to it. I don't think he's been malicious, just really really really fucking stupid/greedy.

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyHalesBroach · 26/09/2019 17:00

no pension, that I know for sure. I have a normal pension through my employer.

I'm going to take him to an accountant so we can tackle this head on. As you say, better to be proactive now. The longer we leave it, the worse it'll be in the end.

OP posts:
Privacynoticeallthetime · 26/09/2019 17:03

The taxes and NI is a separate issue but the fines depends on behaviour so best to tackle it now. In any case don’t buy a joint property yet.

Original poster
LadyHalesBroach · 26/09/2019 17:04

ok, that's great advice. Thank you so much x

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 26/09/2019 17:08

Ok OP this is tax evasion earning monthly amount and not filling out self assessments and paying tax is on him
Stop blaming the company in my industry contractors and freelancers are rife (not because of tax but it avoids sick pay holiday pay and can mean a one to two month downtime) rules which are changing next year. They all manage perfectly well to siphon of money and pay tax
3 years I agree around the 35k mark plus some hefty fines. This can cause bankruptcy though and also is actually a big issue with getting a mortgage

katewhinesalot · 26/09/2019 17:14

It might come to using your inheritance to back pay it all - and fines, then he can start again with a proper employer. At that point you can take his salary into consideration for the mortgage.
However - Do you really trust him enough to tie yourself up financially to him? If you don't, then don't get married until he is straight financially.

Original poster
LadyHalesBroach · 26/09/2019 17:18

Yes I'm thinking of firstly finding out how much he owes to get the tax man off his back, and then considering using my mum's money to pay it off. I have only just received this money and wasn't ever expecting to get it (my mum died aged 56, so I thought it would be another 30 years until I got it). It seems a shame to use it as bail out money for his stupidity. But then again it would help give him a clean slate.

OP posts:
Fifteenthnamechange · 26/09/2019 17:25

@LadyHalesBroach props for your username OP
* misses point of thread

PEkithelp · 26/09/2019 17:27

Sometimes accountants can submit tax returns for previous years and agree a much reduced fine for the person ‘turning themselves in’. Definitely get advice. He may be able to agree a repayment plan but will be much worse off for a while in the best case. You probably can already imagine the worst case.

PEkithelp · 26/09/2019 17:28

If you do bail him out, make sure it is a loan and get a solicitor to record it all with signatures. You needn’t ever expect him to pay you back but if you ever split then you could.

Areyousorted12 · 26/09/2019 17:31

Do not pay his taxes. What if he leaves you 2 months later. Your mother's money would have paid flipping tax.
He has to pay his tax. You buy a house in your name only. Charge him rent. Sort it so he has no claim on your house.

blue25 · 26/09/2019 17:32

Not somebody I would consider marrying TBH. Financially he has a lot to gain through marriage and you have a lot to lose. Be very careful.

Original poster
LadyHalesBroach · 26/09/2019 17:32

pekit thanks, that's a great tip. My worst case scenario is he goes bankrupt, but better he do that NOW than if/when we're married, I suppose.

We're both working from home tomorrow so guess what's on the agenda!!!

OP posts:
Astillbe · 26/09/2019 17:43

I would definitely NOT use the inheritance to bail him out!

If you want to buy a house and are able to do it on your salary alone I would use the inheritance (or some of it) as a deposit, and do not add his name to the deeds.

Make sure you see a financial advisor together to see if he will have to pay backdated tax or can avoid that but start paying going forward. If it was my partner I'd be telling them they need to get a new job or have the tax issue sorted before we married.

theworstwife · 26/09/2019 17:49

My partner is a contractor and uses an online/telephone accountant service from Nixon Williams which seems pretty straight forward. I think he just needs to speak to an acct and see where he is today first. He also has his contract looked over by them for IR35.

When we bought our house even with him doing it all by the book we had to get a mortgage more based on my income. If he doesn’t commit to sorting it out I would be reluctant to enter into anything with financial consequences with him, including marriage

Aquamarine1029 · 26/09/2019 18:08

It seems a shame to use it as bail out money for his stupidity. But then again it would help give him a clean slate.

OMG, NO NO NO. You clean up this act of stupidity and there WILL be more. Money issues are the leading cause of divorce, and that's no surprise. This really isn't just about money. It's about his total lack of maturity and accountability. Your mother left this money for YOUR FUTURE, not to have it squandered paying off your partner's debt. You have a child to think about as well. Fact is, your relationship with him may very well not survive so you need to look after your and your daughter's best interests.

Privacynoticeallthetime · 26/09/2019 18:23

Don’t use your money, your mom left it to you. Please accept my condolences for your loss. He needs to take responsibility. How long have you been together and how did the 50k get spent each year.