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Original poster

Husband is getting muddled and angry about it

30 replies

thamesdrive · 26/09/2019 08:42

DH has always been a bit slapdash - he’ll tell you to meet him at number 123 and it will be 223 for example, butvthese days he’s got really bad.

If you ask him which extra day he’s taken off work, he’ll say “Friday, no er Monday, I mean Saturday...” and if you query that he’s always off on Saturdays, he’ll deny saying Saturday and say Tuesday...

He can’t tell the time (“four no three no FIVE o’clock”) and will always say he’s told you something when he hasn’t. Now again he has always done this but never as bad.

His mother does this latter thing too if it matters and I always thought it was a bad habit learned from her.

Yesterday when I had to clarify what time we were meeting because he had said four different times he got angry and said I was disablist because he was dyslexic Hmm

He isn’t! But he’s obviously got some issue and is angry about it.

Any ideas?

OP posts:
Gingernaut · 26/09/2019 08:44

How old is he?

Eyes, ears and cognitive function need testing.

PurpleDaisies · 26/09/2019 08:47

If things have changed recently, he could do with seeing a gp.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 26/09/2019 08:49

Yep he needs to swallow his anger and get medical advice. It does sound le dyslexia or similar but he needs a diagnosis and help, not a self-diagnosis and anger.

katmarie · 26/09/2019 08:53

Is he on any medication or has any medication changed recently? I say this because my DH has similar problems with venlafaxine, he cant find the right words, gets muddled, loses days etc, and gets really frustrated by it. It sounds like your dh needs to see a gp.

BoxOfBabyCheeses · 26/09/2019 09:07

OP I had this with B12 deficiency, tell him to go to the doctors and request blood tests.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 26/09/2019 09:10

A trip to the GP would be an excellent idea - ideally with you there so you can describe the symptoms to the GP and ensure they get an accurate picture.

MrsMozartMkII · 26/09/2019 09:12

Has he always been like this?

He could be undiagnosed dyslexic and / or dyspraxic.

jalopy · 26/09/2019 09:12

Does he have dyscalculia?

Zaphodsotherhead · 26/09/2019 09:17

UTI? If he's suddenly become really bad. Can he tell the time when he's looking AT a clock and he just can't remember, or is he misremembering times?

Drawing a clock face and putting the numbers in was one of the ways they diagnosed my mum's dementia. She just couldn't do it.

Original poster
thamesdrive · 26/09/2019 10:48

Thanks all. Sorry had to do school run etc.

He’s on no medication. I don’t think he will see a doctor 🙄. He was brought up thinking that medical problems meant you were weak (🙄😡) so rarely goes and only for physical things that he can’t get rid of with ott medicine.

He will take a vitamin, I’ll get him on that and try to make him see sense about the GP.

OP posts:
Original poster
thamesdrive · 26/09/2019 10:54

No dyscalculia, he’s a mathematician! I have no idea if this is affecting his work.

No diagnosed dyslexia or dyspraxia. He always says he’s told me something when he hasn’t, but his mother does that as well (and it’s well known in the family she does it to save face and just because she is an aggressive person) so I thought it was a stupid habit he’d picked up. We semi solved the problem by having a rule if it’s not on the calendar it hasn’t been mentioned... because I was fed up of being blamed when I know he hadn’t told me stuff!

But that and the days and numbers thing is getting worse

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 26/09/2019 10:55

How old is he?

Original poster
thamesdrive · 26/09/2019 10:55

Zaphodsotherhead Yes can tell th twine when looking at a clock. It’s as if he speaks to quickly iyswim and says the first hour or day that comes into his head and then has to adjust it 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
thamesdrive · 26/09/2019 10:55

He’s 49

OP posts:
AllFourOfThem · 26/09/2019 10:58

I agree he needs to see his doctor. It might be something minor that can be easily treated or it could be a sign or start of something more serious.

I wonder if his anger is because he is aware that he isn’t acting as normal and is worried about it so trying to deflect.

Original poster
thamesdrive · 26/09/2019 10:58

Sorry about typos, standing on the tube!

OP posts:
LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 26/09/2019 10:59

So he's always been like this but it's got worse recently? I think he needs to see his GP.

Original poster
thamesdrive · 26/09/2019 11:00

AllFourOfThem I’m sure it is. As I say he was brought up to think I’ll people were weak and anyone with processing issues was “stupid” etc 🙄. His family aren’t very nice people.

OP posts:
Original poster
thamesdrive · 26/09/2019 11:00

ill people

OP posts:
Original poster
thamesdrive · 26/09/2019 11:01

Il ask him tonight if it is affecting his job. It’s certainly affecting home life.

OP posts:
MissDew · 26/09/2019 11:03

Please get him to a doctor. Failing that, can you call his/your doctor and tell them what is happening. It's your mental health that could be at stake here.

Could you also Google Dementia. He's the right age for early onset Dementia. Not being able to tell the time is a huge indicator.

He's very defensive about it which is an indicator. I realise it's part of how he was raised. Also calling you disablist is part of the defence. As far as he is concerned you should have to put up with it.

Oh how I wish the person with the problem could be on the receiving end. Never happens like that though, does it.

OP, PLEASE at least speak to a doctor about him. Not least how it is affecting you. I am concerned that he is very close to not being able to secure his own safety in all sorts of areas. Does he drive ?

Original poster
thamesdrive · 26/09/2019 20:38

MissDew

Thanks. When I first met DH, years ago, I thought his mother had dementia because she would just say things that were untrue or weird. Start a conversation in the middle of a story or even sentence, things like that.

Some of what DH is doing is like that, he’ll swear he said x when he said y. But I don’t remember his mother ever getting dates and times wrong.

DH can tell the time if he is speaking to someone else I think. So I think he lets his guard down with me. And my family. My sister once had this conversation with him when we were visiting her and he had come out to the garden to tell us he was going to watch a film inside with DC.

Sister: Where are you sitting? There’s a pile of ironing on the sofa, just move it if you need to.
DH: We’re not sitting on the sofa.
Sister: OK. Help yourself to drinks or whatever.
DH: Thanks.

And then, as he walked back in...

DH: I moved a pile of clothes off the sofa, hope that was ok.

Sister: Oh, right...

And on that occasion, because of the look on her face, I think he’d realised what he’d said. Or at least realised that he had said something odd even if he didn’t know what it was.

I’m not going to be able to get him to a doctor about it because he’s denying it.

Sad
OP posts:
RoLaren · 26/09/2019 20:51

Keep a little notebook with you and write down what he says. You've then got evidence. He won't be able to accuse you of mishearing then.

Original poster
thamesdrive · 26/09/2019 20:55

RoLaren I thought about taping him. But I think he’d get furious. He doesn’t want to know. If I wrote it down I think he’d deny it.

I asked him tonight if he was doing it at work. He said that I made him nervous and he never did it anywhere else ever 🙄

Not true as the above with my sister shows.

OP posts:
Prokupatuscrakedatus · 26/09/2019 21:38

I've got a house full of people with ADHD and when we are really stressed, tired, run down or preoccupied with sth. we are lucky to find a word that is even remotely in the right area. Think running through all possible words for pieces of cutlery before hitting the right one etc. Sames goes for times, days etc.

DH who is a very exact person and always uses THE right word, really suffers listening to us.