Husband is getting muddled and angry about it

[thamesdrive]

DH has always been a bit slapdash - he’ll tell you to meet him at number 123 and it will be 223 for example, butvthese days he’s got really bad.

If you ask him which extra day he’s taken off work, he’ll say “Friday, no er Monday, I mean Saturday...” and if you query that he’s always off on Saturdays, he’ll deny saying Saturday and say Tuesday...

He can’t tell the time (“four no three no FIVE o’clock”) and will always say he’s told you something when he hasn’t. Now again he has always done this but never as bad.

His mother does this latter thing too if it matters and I always thought it was a bad habit learned from her.

Yesterday when I had to clarify what time we were meeting because he had said four different times he got angry and said I was disablist because he was dyslexic

He isn’t! But he’s obviously got some issue and is angry about it.

Any ideas?

I have a friend who starts telling me things in the middle of a sentence because in his head he's said it out loud. He also mixes up days and times. He has dyslexia and dyspraxia, and possible AHD or AS but the latter are not diagnosed as he was in a bad place mentally when the other diagnoses came in.

It sounds to me as though he just cant be bothered and isn't paying much attention to what you say. Personally I would be asking myself if I could tolerate another 40 years of this, especially as it seems unlikely to get better and might get worse.

Perunatop I must admit this crossed my mind because he says it doesn’t happen at work.

He is lazy with me in that he would chip in and organise someone’s leaving drinks at work but not remember that I’d asked him to book tickets for us for something on a day he had free. I mean he’ll do it (he knows it’s better than me booking a random date and he can’t make it) but I’ll have to ask 3-6 times.

But if it is laziness, why is he getting angry? Because he’s embarrassed? Then stop being lazy!

Another thing that made me think it was laziness was that we had planned to buy a holiday place, looked at a few, had many conversations about whether to keep it for a weekender or let it out and just use it ourselves when it was free, looked into costs and agencies... and after a year or so he announced that he’d never said he wanted one and I had made the whole thing up.

😶

I showed him the papers we had worked out mortgage sums on and he still denied it.

Now, several years on, he’s saying we should have bought a place because where we were thinking of have shot up in value and is now denying his denial.

🤔😟

and is now denying his denial.

Hmmmm, I wondered when the lying would become financial. This could be the tip of the iceberg.

He says you make him nervous. What does that even mean ? So, he can't relax around you. Not much of a marriage is it ? His behaviour sounds like gaslighting. Even if it's not intentional. Or just crazy making bullshit until you are so bamboozled by him you've forgotten which way is up. Meanwhile, he just thinks it's a hilarious wind up.

Ask him what he thinks he would be like to live with. Ask him if he would put up with you if you acted like he does.

Underneath it all it sounds like, frankly, he's taking the piss. There's never any consequence to his behaviour.

I am concerned it is going to snowball until it's out of control.