I had a manager refuse to sign off on my work and then I would make her suggested changes, resubmit it and it would go back and forth and take so long it would look like I couldn’t do my job.
Eventually she suggested I do it the way I submitted it the first time.
She tried to performance manage me which failed and she couldn’t handle it and left the room bawling.
The whole office saw her walk out of the meeting room crying, followed by me.
People asked what happened. I said ”the weirdest thing, I don’t think she can handle her job - she just broke down”
After that she was investigated for something pretty serious (conduct issue).
I was head hunted by a massive firm and she gave me a terrible reference after saying to my face she would be happy to give a good reference.
I was head hunted by a friend of a friend so of course I found out what she did.
I resigned. On the final day or work (at about 4pm), I announced I would be going to work for a company on the other side on a matter she had been working on. The biggest matter of her entire career.
I had deliberately applied to work there because of this.
Shocked and appalled was an understatement.
She ended up leaving after she did something else wrong and it was all hushed up.
My new employer won the case and it was partly due to her incompetence.
I haven’t come across her since - even though I still work in the same industry.
She did some pretty underhanded things to me when I think about it.
I think she was just a miserable person. Drunk at work, eating disorder. She was either too skinny and covered in bruises or morbidly obese. She smoked and drank to excess and she started to smell really really bad.
She cried in the office other times which had nothing to do with me.
She made sure I couldn’t get a severance payment though. So although I left with a wave of redundancies I was blocked from getting one myself.
In my final week she signed her name to a massive project I had worked on and attributed the work as her own. I was so glad to just be gone. She was really smug when she took it from me. I actually didn’t care.
I left on good terms with my co-workers and handed over a bunch of completed files that raised my colleague’s stats (despite being told not to).
I left on good terms in the end.
She didn’t say goodbye to me and I haven’t run into her since.
The point I’m trying to make is - she’s gaslighting you - but it only hurts you if you let it.
You seem quite sweet, but people can be absolute a-holes in the office environment.
Unfortunately, you’re going to have to have a plan to deal with her. It seems you’re halfway there - I know the stress involved in managing a situation like this.
Hang in there.
Everyone by age 30 would have dealt with someone like this.