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Original poster

My shift starts in an hour and a half, I'm being bullied and I don't want to go. I want to sit at home with my cats and cry.

30 replies

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 25/09/2019 07:33

It's not even proper bullying. It's weird gaslighting and it's making me think I'm going crazy. Honestly feel like my head may explode with frustration.

She'll have a conversation with me and then claim the conversation never took place - luckil for the most recent one I had a witness.

She'll undo things that I've done. Things I've worked hard on. 'Lose' things. 'Misunderstand' things.

Sounds petty when written down but it's REALLY bothering me.

I'm trying to only communicate in writing with her so she can't claim that stuff has/hasn't been said. But I doubt she'll go along with that.

I'm an anxious wreck, ATM. Tearful, stressed. I'm a mess.

OP posts:
LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 25/09/2019 07:34

Is she doing this on purpose? I had a boss like that and I just made sure everything was in writing.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 25/09/2019 07:35

So have any meetings - use and agenda or tick list and folllow up with notes or an email ‘just to clarify’.

Sorry it’s so horrible for you. Can you look for something else?

Original poster
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 25/09/2019 07:35

Yes. It's deliberate.

OP posts:
Elderflower14 · 25/09/2019 07:35

Poor you. Is there a manager or someone senior you can talk to? Would the person who heard the conversation back you up?
Sending you a huge 🤗.....

NabooThatsWho · 25/09/2019 07:36

Poor you Flowers Some people are absolute cunts.
Do you have any support in your workplace?

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 25/09/2019 07:36

For what end - to get you into trouble, to make herself look super efficient?

moreismore · 25/09/2019 07:36

Any HR or senior management you can go to? I wouldn’t normally advocate it but have some time off? See GP?

Original poster
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 25/09/2019 07:36

No, can't look for something else.

Support worker for adults with LD and I adore them. Couldn't leave them.

OP posts:
missyB1 · 25/09/2019 07:37

On no that sounds awful I’m sorry this is happening to you. Is there anyone there you can trust at all? You are right to document everything, write down every conversation and avoid verbal communication whenever possible.
Talk to someone more senior or HR and try to show them as much evidence as possible.
Good luck for today stay calm and dignified.

Jumblebee · 25/09/2019 07:38

That sounds really awful OP, I'm sorry things are so rubbish for you at the moment.

How long have you worked there? Can you call in sick? If you think you need to you could self certify for a week and try to see a doctor to explain how you're feeling.

A bit of time off might give you some respite and a chance to gather yourself and search for a new job if that's what you want?

Its awful feeling so anxious about work, I remember once sitting on the edge of my bed crying when I should have already left the house and I was so worked up I was sick on my shoes Envy hope you feel better soon!

Fluffycloudland77 · 25/09/2019 08:43

That’s a form of bullying. Are you in a union?.

ThinkerThunkk · 25/09/2019 08:44

Join UNISON, all people in public facing roles shouod be in a union.

Seahorseshoe · 25/09/2019 08:52

Yes, she's a bully. I just do not understand why people do this, why they think it's ok - especially in your line of work, it's important work. You have my sympathies op.

I'd be tempted to have it out with her. If she thinks she can walk all over you, she will. You'd have to be calm and assertive about it.

Alternatively, talk to whoever is above her and explain what has been going on, tell them you love your job, but she's making it really difficult.

You do not have to put up with this, you shouldn't be a nervous wreck about going to work, you deserve better op 💐💐💐

Herocomplex · 25/09/2019 08:55

It is proper bullying. You don’t deserve to feel this way at work.
Document everything, times, who was there, what was said, what the effect of the action was - eg client didn’t get x
You said you had a witness last time, would they support you?
You can make a complaint. Look in your staff handbook.

I worked with someone like this once, they seemed to spend more time trying to undermine people than doing their job. It’s soul-destroying.
💐

Usernamealreadyexists · 25/09/2019 08:58

I’m gobsmacked people behave this way in professional environments. This sounds horrendous. Follow up all discussed items with an email. Can you copy someone into these? Keep a diary of interactions and quickly follow up by telling someone when gaslighting occurs.

Nogodsnomasters · 25/09/2019 09:39

Anything you can't sort in writing with her, record her on your phone in your pocket.

Longtalljosie · 25/09/2019 09:44

Tell all your colleagues you’re worried about her because her behaviour is erratic.

Sit her down and tell her you’re worried about her. Tell her she seems to be forgetting conversations you’ve had and it goes beyond normal forgetfulness. Advise she sees her GP. Ask if she’s been under extra pressure and if she’s getting enough sleep. Tell her you’re sure it’s nothing to worry about and that early-onset Alzheimer’s is rare.

Every time she messes with you, head tilt and bite your lip.

Soola · 25/09/2019 09:46

Secretly record her with your phone.

Jp1953 · 25/09/2019 09:46

Go immediately to her superior and tell it all, if your witness will go with you even better, don't put up with it anymore, it will make you sick, also go sick and explain to your doctor its stress and inform your hr department. Good luck. X

IdblowJonSnow · 25/09/2019 09:48

Record as much as you can.
This is an awful situation.
I would try to gather a bit more evidence and then report it in writing.
Join a union. Are you always on the same shifts as this person?
I've had this, stuck it out for years but left in the end.

IdblowJonSnow · 25/09/2019 09:48

And it is proper bullying. She just thinks she's being fucking sneaky.

NigellaAwesome · 25/09/2019 09:52

LongTallJosie has good suggestions. This is thriving because it is covert at the moment. Start to shine a light on it, in a non accusatory manner, and she'll have to change tack.

I find passive aggressive people like that so draining.

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 25/09/2019 09:54

You need to leave for your own mental health. I left my last job And went back to work for NHS. Had to leave my class which was hard however feels great to be out of there.

Tonnerre · 25/09/2019 10:13

I'm trying to only communicate in writing with her so she can't claim that stuff has/hasn't been said. But I doubt she'll go along with that.

It's easy enough to get round that. If she won't put things in writing, email her after every discussion confirming what she's just said. Unless she gets back to you immediately to deny what she said, she's in difficulty lying about it later. If she asks you why you're doing this, say that it's because of the problems you've had in the past with her that you don't have with anyone else.

Snog · 25/09/2019 10:16

Put your own mental health first OP.
If this is your manager I would leave the job.