35 hours a week looking fo work

[Ludos]

I'm separating from my husband and have been trying to get my finances in order. We had a joint claim for tax credits which I tried to amend to a single claim, however they have cancelled the claim and told me I need to apply for universal credit instead.

I've gone through the online process and its telling me I should be able to work 25 hours a week, with a commute of up to 90 mins. Or, I should be spending 35 hours a week actively looking for work.

I have 3 DC, all at different schools. One is a 40 min drive. I'm currently retaking my GCSE's to allow me to go on to do an access course. Am I going to have to stop studying?

I think your writing style is brusque and you are not coming across very well which is why you are getting some posters backs up. I have no personal axe to grind as I didn’t want to be a SAHP. I did have amazing flexibility in my job though so did get to see many performances and do after school pick ups very often. But many do not get this choice. I don’t think it’s jealousy especially I think it’s a refusal to see how actually you do just have to change to a life that many have whether by accident or design.

I worked in higher education for almost 25 years and dealt with many student admissions. Some of my students were single parents, not many as I worked in two red brick universities and neither had many mature students. One worked in a call centre to make ends meet as well as studying. Usually posters in your position do get a lot of sympathy and over a decade there have been many similar I was a SAHP, I’m getting divorced, I want to study and you are not getting the usual platitudes. Maybe your head isn’t in a good place but your communication skills need some serious work.

Maybe your head isn’t in a good place

No shit. Did I mention my marriage ending?

TBH, when you say you dont want to work and want the state (i.e the rest of us) to fund your choices then people will be a bit abrupt in their responses. When you sneer at 'dead end' minimum wage jobs you are being a bit of an arse to be honest.

Yes I'm probably not coming across very well. I've had some really supportive and reassuring replies, but also some pretty negative ones too. I've probably focused too much on them, which might be as a result of my head not being in the right place.

I'm not making excuses, it's just alot to get my head around.

2 days out of the week I am at college for 3 hours. I do at least 2 hours studying per day (usually more as I'm not particularly academic). School runs take between 3 and 3 and a half hours per day.

On the days that I am not in college I have from 9.30 until 2.30, 3 x per week. 5 hours to commute and work. Does such a job exist?

Grimbles - surely it would be preferable to have the state fund me for a fews years and gain an NHS midwife, than for me to settle on a part time minimum wage job and likely have fund me into retirement ?

Yeah, it would be preferable for the state to fund everyone. But it cant - most students have to work part time alongside their regular studies.

The thing is, thinking about it logically, the state only have your word for it that you will pass your course and get gain employment off the back of it

How many people would just take endless courses to avoid working if you were allowed to do that? And how far do you take it? I'm in a minimum wage in an essential, sorely understaffed profession. Should I be allowed to leave work and have the stare fund me through a degree?

So while, yeah, in your case it makes more financial sense for the state to continue funding you but surely you can understand why that doesn't happen and how a system that worked that way could be exploited?

I'm not sure if the job you want exists. I am sure if you go into your UC interview and tell them you'll only work 9:30-2:30, three days a week and won't consider anything else, you will be sanctioned. As hard as it is, you jee to find a way to manage work and study.

I think it’s more that you have an idea in your head of what you want and you seem to want the state to help you do that. You probably want find a 3 day a week 5 hour job. Which means you’ll have to find after or before school care for the children

I think the travel time for school runs is a big issue, I don't know how much longer the DC will be in 3 different schools, and whether things will improve as that changes, but surely that's unsustainable.

Could you work in the evenings and on Sunday's whilst your ex has the children? They are his responsibility too.

That way you could continue to do everything you need during the day times and still meet criteria for working hours

Care home work would suit this perfectly and give you work experience for uni.

You could do a 12 hour shift on Sunday and 2 twilights (usually 5-10 or 6-11) during the week. I'm sure your 13 could watch his siblings for an hour between you leaving and your ex finishing.

It seems really daunting but it is doable.

I am sure if you go into your UC interview and tell them you'll only work 9:30-2:30, three days a week and won't consider anything else

It's not that I won't, just currently that's the time I am home without the dc. At the moment I use the time to walk the dogs and study. Obviously those things will need to be done early morming/late night instead to allow the time for work

But why couldn't their dad have them in the evenings and on sundays to allow you to work? Surely that's what he's been doing up until you split up?

If you don't like the idea of nursing then midwifery probably isn't going to be for you either

Most LEA's/councils offer free school transport for children who live more than 3 miles away from school. This can be via taxi if there are no bus services, so school pick ups and drop offs aren't an issue. OP juts needs to know what help she is entitled to. Her UC advisor (if he's any good at his job) can help with this. If not CAB/Google/GingerBread all offer advice to loan parents on what their entitlement/work expectations are.

www.gov.uk/help-home-school-transport

Care homes would be great. Most offer flexible shifts/evenings/weekends. The morning shift where I work is 7-3, so OP could get the kids up and ready for their free school taxi for the 13 year old to lock up or the younger ones could go to breakfast club.

Where there is a will, there is a way. I've worked and studied as a single parent for four years now. Sure, it's hard and some mornings you don't wanna get out of bed and sometimes it can feel like your only day off is the Sunday after the month of Sundays but it is possible and when you've struggled for so long to make ends meet it is worth it when your kids ask for something and you can finally say yes because you've just been paid.

Admittedly, everyone has different coping levels and different academic abilities but I managed to work a fulltime job and a part-time job and study a full time course and a part time course at one point so when OP posts that working a few hours a week while studying a few hours will cause her to have mental health crisis I can't help my face doing this ->

I'm not sure if OP suffers with anxiety and low-self esteem (in which case while work may seem scary it might actually help) or if she's work-shy but either way, walking into her UC interview with the attitude she's shown here will have dreadful consequences for her and her kids so she needs to stop making excuses and start thinking about getting a job.

I'm not sure if OP suffers with anxiety and low-self esteem

she is looking down at NMW jobs even though she hasn't worked for well over a decade. She has many issues but low self esteem isn't one of them Rather the opposite - she was a rather inflated opinion of herself.

Whilst I don't have children, I do have a full time job that occasionally involves long commutes, dogs and am studying for a degree which is approx. 20 hours of study a week.

On top of that I have other commitments with family. Often involving ferrying to medical appointments etc.

In all honesty, OP, the only way you do it is to be absolutely tight on timings and dedicated to getting the work done. You also look for ways to double up on times.

For example, on a long drive I can get an audiobook on my degree subject to listen to and use the time to learn and think about assignments etc.

When working I almost always use my lunch hour for something else. If I am working in an office I listen to lecture recordings and make study notes. If I am working from home I fit a dog walk in then.

There are 168 hours in a week:
If you spend 45 of them working/commuting, 56 of them asleep, 12 of them studying then you still have 55 hours left to take care of your family and yourself. It is possible.

I also work in a job I do not love and am studying a subject I do. The reality is my job pays my mortgage and so it is critical that I do a good job for the security it brings. I would love a world where we all get to do exactly what makes us passionate but the reality is often different. Having to perform a dull (to you) job to a satisfactory level is something many of us have to do.

If a job in Tesco is what you have to do to keep a roof over your head and food on the table, while you study to be a midwife then it's what you have to do.

I totally understand life has handed you all your challenges at the same time and think some have been overly rude on here. However, life is not fair - for anyone. There are jumps you have to get over to get what you want. They are doable but only you can answer whether or not the end result is worth the pain, to you.

You’re going to have to get over your reluctance to work for min wage given you are going to realistically have to look at such jobs given the length of time out of employment plus qualifications to date.

Studying as an adult is a luxury, one that should be self funded.

A newly qualified midwife is around £24k according to google, factor in one adult, three children and childcare and the likelihood is you still will need support.

Jobs that fit in that time - I worked as a carer (home carer) which is flexible
My current job is a contact centre (tiny one) and we have probably 50% PT staff that all work different hours. It's well paid with bonus too, one of the staff does 2.5 days a week and earns what she used to make working FT in retail

A newly qualified midwife is around £24k according to google, factor in one adult, three children and childcare and the likelihood is you still will need support.

By the time I have qualified, I will have an 18, 15 and 13 year old. No need for childcare.

OP we all have to look at this factually.
The state does not look.at our individual lives and the times are changing rapidly so life now means having children but the state (schools) look after them whilst both parents are our working all day every day missing out on a lot of the childrens lives.
Those family values of a parent being home to see their children off, be present etc are disappearing quickly.
It's not that a lesson expects the state to pay for them to stay home but that bills and rent and house prices are rising and wages aren't.
Some people are happy to be out of the home and not be around their children. Actually many people I know but there are many who really do want to see their children and also parents in between those two examples.
I know many people who went back to work not because they needed the money but they didn't want to be around their 6 month old baby all day because it is hard work. No judging but then on the other hand people judge those who do stay at home with their babies. I don't think mothers are designed to be away from their babies but there are exceptions.
The simple answer is that any person who claims any benefit cannot decide what suits them as this is the system now. Parents must both be out working so single parents will be in a worse position than that should they find themselves with an ex who doesn't care.
This is why so many people are struggling as instead of there being affordable homes for you to move to and rent, you are stuck in the middle of nowhere and your wage won't really help either. What are people supposed to do? Keep strong and hopefully your advisor will find a solution for you otherwise you will need your ex to cut down his hours and collect his children from school.

Those family values of a parent being home to see their children off, be present etc are disappearing quickly.

Except we really do have a strange view of the old days. My grandmother worked. She was a single mother with a child out of wedlock. My other grandmother worked. She was a single mother because her husband ran off. My mother worked. I am informed my great grandmother worked, she was a widow. I'm the first woman in generations to have my child in a marriage so far fingers crossed.

Sitting on your arse is not how life used to be for many many women. Poor women have pretty much always supplemented the household income as well as keeping the house and raising the children. Single mothers always existed. SAHMs are a fairly modern invention. Expecting the state to pay for you is even more modern.

By the time I have qualified, I will have an 18, 15 and 13 year old. No need for childcare

How old will you be? Young enough for a decent working life ahead of you? I'm guessing you'll be 40ish. Are you really going to cope with full time shift work from 40-60?

Your training placements will require shift work too. How soon will you start the midwifery part of your training?

They may not need childcare in the daytime but you can’t leave a 15 and 13 year old alone at home for your night shifts. Or are you expecting the 18 year old to be responsible for the, which would be very unreasonable as they are not their children.

one of the excuses reasons why OP cannot work now is having to take the 13 year old to school. How come the youngest , who will be 13 in 5 years time, will require no childcare whatsoever if her oldest cannot even get to school on his own and is a right obstacles to employment.